**Grooaaannnn**
I feel SOOOO UNCOMFORTABLE going to my doctor. The one I've had for 19 years now. Firstly, she's a pediatrician so it's not only mortifying, but extremely stressful (maybe thats what my blood pressure was so high) to be in an environment with sick little four year olds running around. Aside from that though, I feel like there is an opportunity there for her to judge me. Any other doctor and I wouldn' mind so much answering the ridiculous questions they ask now a days. But her, I mean, she weighed me when I was 7 pounds 9 ounces. Now I have to sit there and tell her about my drinking/smoking/sex habits and I just feel weird. Not only that, there are some parts of my anatomy that have changed since I've seen her last (I mean aside from the obvious). Im more alluding to parts that changed by choice. Parts that, how shall we say, are now decorated? Through use of ink and electric needles? K good. I mean she must be thinking I'm some horrible kid now.
What happened to privacy? I understand it must be invaded for certain things like security and in this case health. It just seems so hard to find now a days. It seems like we are almost expected to give out so much personal information.
I've always been a very private person. I don't like talking about me usually. I don't like broadcasting or advertising certain things. Most people would term me "secretive". I think that's why I write so much, like here and in my journal, and essentially, why I found it appealing to "hide behind characters" on stage. Even when it's really a huge part of me up there, but justunder someone else's name. I keep A LOT of things to myself. Even things people would be immensly proud of. I guess I just like for people who I care about to get to know me. I'm not the type that aims to be intimate with the world. I do detatch myself from people, especially family. And I do feel like the few people who would say that they really know me only know about 1/3 of what's there. And I like that and don't like to compromise that for anything. I can say I have an intimate reltainship with myself. I know myself fairly well. Yes, I certainly surprise myself at times.But give me a choice of a party and staying home reading, watching a good movie, writing, cooking a good meal, or listening to music and I'd, 8 times out of 10 ,choose the latter. I'm not saying that by this doctor becomming accustomed to my "lifestyle" that she in any way truly knows me. I just feel like she has more of an inclination to judge me. That's all. And even if that's not the case, I don't like the feeling.
grrr. whatevs.
What happened to privacy? I understand it must be invaded for certain things like security and in this case health. It just seems so hard to find now a days. It seems like we are almost expected to give out so much personal information.
I've always been a very private person. I don't like talking about me usually. I don't like broadcasting or advertising certain things. Most people would term me "secretive". I think that's why I write so much, like here and in my journal, and essentially, why I found it appealing to "hide behind characters" on stage. Even when it's really a huge part of me up there, but justunder someone else's name. I keep A LOT of things to myself. Even things people would be immensly proud of. I guess I just like for people who I care about to get to know me. I'm not the type that aims to be intimate with the world. I do detatch myself from people, especially family. And I do feel like the few people who would say that they really know me only know about 1/3 of what's there. And I like that and don't like to compromise that for anything. I can say I have an intimate reltainship with myself. I know myself fairly well. Yes, I certainly surprise myself at times.But give me a choice of a party and staying home reading, watching a good movie, writing, cooking a good meal, or listening to music and I'd, 8 times out of 10 ,choose the latter. I'm not saying that by this doctor becomming accustomed to my "lifestyle" that she in any way truly knows me. I just feel like she has more of an inclination to judge me. That's all. And even if that's not the case, I don't like the feeling.
grrr. whatevs.