Guest Reccer: Top Ten Funny Fics
Top 10 funny fics, multifandom by Mel
Sukiblue - Snakes in a Crypt (Btvs) Spike/Xander slash
“We’re gonna have to exorcise them,” Spike insists. His eyes are permanently like saucers and it’s beginning to freak Xander out.
“How?” Xander asks. “With a treadmill? I really don’t see how we’re going to get them to use one of those. Or were you thinking free weights?”
“Exorcise,” Spike enunciates.
Trinityofone - Missionary Position (SGA) slash John/Rodney
The Wraith blinked at him-it looked like it was having its own mental meteor storm. “You have sex...and live?”
“Yes, and then if we’re lucky, we have it many, many more times! Right, Ronon?”
Ronon nodded his assent. “We like the fucking.”
Michelle - Its an Adventure (Btvs) Spike/Xander slash
"With your cigarette! You threw a *lit* cigarette out the window and
it landed in someone's car! They wrecked!"
"Really? And I missed it? Why didn't you *tell* me! You *are*
trying to suck all the fun out of this trip!"
Dyce - In the box (Firefly) gen
Gil Takei wasn't a bad man. Sure, Mal Reynolds had crossed him up and cost him a lot of money, but that didn't mean Gil was going to shoot him or torture his crew or even blow up his ship. (Although he had considered that last one.)
Nevertheless, Gil felt it was necessary to in some way demonstrate to Mal that he was unhappy about their situation.
Posting him back to his ship was not only a sufficiently pointed but basically humane solution, it was also damned funny.
Spuffyduds - Five Planets Atlantis is Never Contacting Again, or at Least If They Do, They’re Sending Another Damn Team, Not John’s (SGA) gen
“Oh. Oh,” John says. “Captain. Sir. What, uh, what happens if our guy actually…kills your guy?”
“That,” the captain said, “would be very bad for you. I go to watch the combat now, and I shall be very, very unhappy if there is a fatality.”
They hear his bootheels echoing down the hall, and then stare at each other in mute panic for a moment, until John manages, ”So--with an aggression drug--d’you think Ronon would kill a man in three minutes? Even if he knew he didn’t have to?”
“Oh God yes,” Rodney says, and Teyla adds glumly, “With an aggression drug, I am fairly certain that Ronon would eat a man in three minutes.”
“We’re screwed,” John says.
“We’re so screwed,” Rodney says.
“I must agree that we are screwed,” Teyla says.
Punk - Equinox (SGA) slash John/Rodney
"Rodney," Sheppard says in his ear, "I've fallen and I can't get it up." He giggles.
Rodney frowns and keys his radio. "Sheppard? Where are you?"
"Drunk!" says Sheppard. "And lost," he adds, sounding sad and confused. "The flowers are talking to me."
"Hold on. Stay right where you are."
"But I don't know where I am!" Sheppard wails.
Maia J - Not the end of the world (SV) slash Clark/Lex
"That's your plan?" Frank disbelief was audible in every word, and Clark found it vaguely insulting.
Okay, who was the genius in this room? And why wasn't he coming up with better plans if he thought Clark's were so bad? If he hadn't been otherwise occupied, Clark might have been tempted to direct a burst of heat at Lex's shoes. Instead he had to settle for gritting his teeth. "Do you have any other ideas?"
Rageprufrock - Bang (SGA) slash John/Rodney
John slumps against his seat, glaring down at his yellow legal pad, filled with notes like, KILL MCKAY and MAKE LORNE DO THIS and FAKE STOMACH FLU and FIND NEW NEARLY-INSURMOUNTABLE FOE IN PEGASUS.
Skoosiepants Attack of the giant robot from outer space (SGA) slash John/Rodney
Rodney frowns, starts forward and snaps, “Careful!” and then, “Don’t put that in your mouth!” and, “Spit it out! Spit it out right now, you useless heap of scrap-metal!”
Toomuchplor - Where the Sun Don’t Shine (SGA) Ronon/Teyla John/Rodney
The gate on M5R-Y34 was perfectly ordinary except for the way it took off the gate team’s clothes as they stepped through the event horizon.
“Is there a draft?” asked Rodney, then looked down. “Wait, I’ve had this dream.”
Sukiblue - Snakes in a Crypt (Btvs) Spike/Xander slash
“We’re gonna have to exorcise them,” Spike insists. His eyes are permanently like saucers and it’s beginning to freak Xander out.
“How?” Xander asks. “With a treadmill? I really don’t see how we’re going to get them to use one of those. Or were you thinking free weights?”
“Exorcise,” Spike enunciates.
Trinityofone - Missionary Position (SGA) slash John/Rodney
The Wraith blinked at him-it looked like it was having its own mental meteor storm. “You have sex...and live?”
“Yes, and then if we’re lucky, we have it many, many more times! Right, Ronon?”
Ronon nodded his assent. “We like the fucking.”
Michelle - Its an Adventure (Btvs) Spike/Xander slash
"With your cigarette! You threw a *lit* cigarette out the window and
it landed in someone's car! They wrecked!"
"Really? And I missed it? Why didn't you *tell* me! You *are*
trying to suck all the fun out of this trip!"
Dyce - In the box (Firefly) gen
Gil Takei wasn't a bad man. Sure, Mal Reynolds had crossed him up and cost him a lot of money, but that didn't mean Gil was going to shoot him or torture his crew or even blow up his ship. (Although he had considered that last one.)
Nevertheless, Gil felt it was necessary to in some way demonstrate to Mal that he was unhappy about their situation.
Posting him back to his ship was not only a sufficiently pointed but basically humane solution, it was also damned funny.
Spuffyduds - Five Planets Atlantis is Never Contacting Again, or at Least If They Do, They’re Sending Another Damn Team, Not John’s (SGA) gen
“Oh. Oh,” John says. “Captain. Sir. What, uh, what happens if our guy actually…kills your guy?”
“That,” the captain said, “would be very bad for you. I go to watch the combat now, and I shall be very, very unhappy if there is a fatality.”
They hear his bootheels echoing down the hall, and then stare at each other in mute panic for a moment, until John manages, ”So--with an aggression drug--d’you think Ronon would kill a man in three minutes? Even if he knew he didn’t have to?”
“Oh God yes,” Rodney says, and Teyla adds glumly, “With an aggression drug, I am fairly certain that Ronon would eat a man in three minutes.”
“We’re screwed,” John says.
“We’re so screwed,” Rodney says.
“I must agree that we are screwed,” Teyla says.
Punk - Equinox (SGA) slash John/Rodney
"Rodney," Sheppard says in his ear, "I've fallen and I can't get it up." He giggles.
Rodney frowns and keys his radio. "Sheppard? Where are you?"
"Drunk!" says Sheppard. "And lost," he adds, sounding sad and confused. "The flowers are talking to me."
"Hold on. Stay right where you are."
"But I don't know where I am!" Sheppard wails.
Maia J - Not the end of the world (SV) slash Clark/Lex
"That's your plan?" Frank disbelief was audible in every word, and Clark found it vaguely insulting.
Okay, who was the genius in this room? And why wasn't he coming up with better plans if he thought Clark's were so bad? If he hadn't been otherwise occupied, Clark might have been tempted to direct a burst of heat at Lex's shoes. Instead he had to settle for gritting his teeth. "Do you have any other ideas?"
Rageprufrock - Bang (SGA) slash John/Rodney
John slumps against his seat, glaring down at his yellow legal pad, filled with notes like, KILL MCKAY and MAKE LORNE DO THIS and FAKE STOMACH FLU and FIND NEW NEARLY-INSURMOUNTABLE FOE IN PEGASUS.
Skoosiepants Attack of the giant robot from outer space (SGA) slash John/Rodney
Rodney frowns, starts forward and snaps, “Careful!” and then, “Don’t put that in your mouth!” and, “Spit it out! Spit it out right now, you useless heap of scrap-metal!”
Toomuchplor - Where the Sun Don’t Shine (SGA) Ronon/Teyla John/Rodney
The gate on M5R-Y34 was perfectly ordinary except for the way it took off the gate team’s clothes as they stepped through the event horizon.
“Is there a draft?” asked Rodney, then looked down. “Wait, I’ve had this dream.”