confused.
i guess im still lost on where im going..
i feel like ive been handcuffed and blindfolded.. thrown in the back of a van....and being driven somewhere....with no idea of who/what is taking me where and why.
my religiousness is just fucking killing me. sense i dont believe in god.. there for i dont believe there is anything after you die...i just feel like im waisting the little bit of time i do have...i dont want to skrew it up....but it also feels like i shouldnt waist my time being responsible and working hard to have a good life because theres nothing afterwards: like i should just do whatever until its over. and thats it
but its weird cause when i did believe in god...it pissed me off to know that i had to choose heaven or hell......i felt trapped because i had to make a choice of where i wanted to spend eternity ....like i couldnt choose to just end and not go anywhere...no R.I.P ) how retarded is that, why the fuck should i think like this at 17 but its really mind numbing...slightly depressing to me...
i need therapy
haha
but i need to get my shit straight right now...i dont think im going to school anymore...i find it a waste of time. im going to wait until im 18 in 2 months and get my G.E.D and then go from there... trade school = electrician..
im really nervious about quiting school cause that means i have to find a place to live and make it on my own and im really not sure how ready i am for that..i hate myself so much, i cant seem to be motivated for my life, i dont want to do the same damn thing every day for the rest of my fucking life,.. i dont want to struggle i dont want to live normally some times ": i see people driving around going to work everyday...so misreble" i dont want to be that person..i dont want to be myself.. i fucking hate the human race soo bad...i hate the fact that i hate you fowl morose people so much..i hate myself for hating you.
but what can you do.
i wish i could go back to when i was 4 years old and everything was perfect.....i never thought i'd be one of those people who had a broken family or had to struggle with shit ( yea i thought about this at the age of 4 i remember) i figured my mom & dad would never split up and we'd be a happy family the forever college, and all....but now it just seems like my life is one be hipocricy < completely spelt wrong)
maybe im just in a bad mood....
this probably didnt make much sense but oh well....you kids can go to hell....or wherever you believe your gonna go when you pass....
i feel like ive been handcuffed and blindfolded.. thrown in the back of a van....and being driven somewhere....with no idea of who/what is taking me where and why.
my religiousness is just fucking killing me. sense i dont believe in god.. there for i dont believe there is anything after you die...i just feel like im waisting the little bit of time i do have...i dont want to skrew it up....but it also feels like i shouldnt waist my time being responsible and working hard to have a good life because theres nothing afterwards: like i should just do whatever until its over. and thats it
but its weird cause when i did believe in god...it pissed me off to know that i had to choose heaven or hell......i felt trapped because i had to make a choice of where i wanted to spend eternity ....like i couldnt choose to just end and not go anywhere...no R.I.P ) how retarded is that, why the fuck should i think like this at 17 but its really mind numbing...slightly depressing to me...
i need therapy
haha
but i need to get my shit straight right now...i dont think im going to school anymore...i find it a waste of time. im going to wait until im 18 in 2 months and get my G.E.D and then go from there... trade school = electrician..
im really nervious about quiting school cause that means i have to find a place to live and make it on my own and im really not sure how ready i am for that..i hate myself so much, i cant seem to be motivated for my life, i dont want to do the same damn thing every day for the rest of my fucking life,.. i dont want to struggle i dont want to live normally some times ": i see people driving around going to work everyday...so misreble" i dont want to be that person..i dont want to be myself.. i fucking hate the human race soo bad...i hate the fact that i hate you fowl morose people so much..i hate myself for hating you.
but what can you do.
i wish i could go back to when i was 4 years old and everything was perfect.....i never thought i'd be one of those people who had a broken family or had to struggle with shit ( yea i thought about this at the age of 4 i remember) i figured my mom & dad would never split up and we'd be a happy family the forever college, and all....but now it just seems like my life is one be hipocricy < completely spelt wrong)
maybe im just in a bad mood....
this probably didnt make much sense but oh well....you kids can go to hell....or wherever you believe your gonna go when you pass....