(no subject)
Funny dream I had last night. Or maybe it was all confined to this morning, since I do believe it was after I woke up and went to sleep again that I had it. Or maybe it wasn't, but either way... it went a little something like so. In the first part of the dream, my mate of a couple years now (male) and I were talking. Just doing things. I don't remember this part more than vaguely. What I do remember vividly, is running away from home. I had a skateboard with me (I do own one), and ran to the levee, which has a gravel path on top. I was forced, in the middle of much traffic, to skateboard very rapidly onto the levee, so that I had enough momentum to reachthe top. When I finally did, I had to pull myself onto the narrow gravel line, and sort of skateboard on my belly across the top of the levee. So I used my arms as propulsion, since it was easier. I reached a small incline, and then after the decline, the gravel path was much wider, but full of mudholes. After a while, I said, "screw it", and just got all muddy. In a way, it was fun.
I reached my destination and came down a hill, meeting a dirty blonde female. I understood that she was calling me Kaylee. When she did so, I "remembered" that this female was my lover and a great companion. It was like some part of me lived there, and another was dormant, wanting to live elsewhere. Well, it was hot at this fair, and so we indulged in these little packets of frozen water, contained in plastic. I just took mine and walked away while she paid for hers (I am such a clepto), and no one ever chased me. Anyway, afterward, we went into a petting zoo. Barefoot. Needless to say this had it's own unique repercussions. We decided to escape to a faculty shed, where she says to me, "Want to make love?" or something to that effect. I question the location, and she... I don't remember what she does, but the mud is being washed off of me. We're wet, and taking off clothes when some guys walk up. But we decide to do things anyway. She sits on a chair, and we proceed to... do something that involves both of us receiving uhm... ... penetration. The voyeurs seem to like this. I'm having a mediocre time, until she tells me I'm bruising her. So I stand up, looking questioningly at the bruises on her thighs. Then she insists she's going to leave the (whatever it was) inside of me, to hurt me, since I hurt her. So I feel frantically for the whatever, and find it's not there. I see an elongate, spiral seashell nearby, and ask her, "Is this it?" And she says, "... Yes, that's my (whatever)." And during the whole sex act, I was feeling remorseful for doing so behind the back of my mate. I wanted him on a much deeper level... knew him on a much deeper level. He was never fickle, and we would never hurt one another. And so it was several times I felt remorseful over doing this.
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In reflection, I was talking last night to the boyfriend about him not knowing me deeply enough. And thinking about how much I've been longing for someone who touches me more deeply. Then, on the other hand, when I found someone who touched me more deeply in the dream, all I could do was think of how she didn't live up to my mate. Maybe this is true. Maybe there aren't a lot of people who live up to the standards that he does. I don't think I will find anyone like him... ever again. Someone with whom there is no doubt, and always patience... someone who won't give up on me. But. I don't think he understands, or wants to understand, my spiritual inclinations. This has been damning for many a couple. I was always hoping we could work through this kind of a difference, and that we could still find some common ground. Some hope somewhere, that we weren't entirely different on such a fundamental level. And I think there's still hope, if he'll take me as seriously as I'm willing to take him. But even when I bring up important issues with him, they seem to come and go in a day. Forgets things easily. Mmf.
I reached my destination and came down a hill, meeting a dirty blonde female. I understood that she was calling me Kaylee. When she did so, I "remembered" that this female was my lover and a great companion. It was like some part of me lived there, and another was dormant, wanting to live elsewhere. Well, it was hot at this fair, and so we indulged in these little packets of frozen water, contained in plastic. I just took mine and walked away while she paid for hers (I am such a clepto), and no one ever chased me. Anyway, afterward, we went into a petting zoo. Barefoot. Needless to say this had it's own unique repercussions. We decided to escape to a faculty shed, where she says to me, "Want to make love?" or something to that effect. I question the location, and she... I don't remember what she does, but the mud is being washed off of me. We're wet, and taking off clothes when some guys walk up. But we decide to do things anyway. She sits on a chair, and we proceed to... do something that involves both of us receiving uhm... ... penetration. The voyeurs seem to like this. I'm having a mediocre time, until she tells me I'm bruising her. So I stand up, looking questioningly at the bruises on her thighs. Then she insists she's going to leave the (whatever it was) inside of me, to hurt me, since I hurt her. So I feel frantically for the whatever, and find it's not there. I see an elongate, spiral seashell nearby, and ask her, "Is this it?" And she says, "... Yes, that's my (whatever)." And during the whole sex act, I was feeling remorseful for doing so behind the back of my mate. I wanted him on a much deeper level... knew him on a much deeper level. He was never fickle, and we would never hurt one another. And so it was several times I felt remorseful over doing this.
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In reflection, I was talking last night to the boyfriend about him not knowing me deeply enough. And thinking about how much I've been longing for someone who touches me more deeply. Then, on the other hand, when I found someone who touched me more deeply in the dream, all I could do was think of how she didn't live up to my mate. Maybe this is true. Maybe there aren't a lot of people who live up to the standards that he does. I don't think I will find anyone like him... ever again. Someone with whom there is no doubt, and always patience... someone who won't give up on me. But. I don't think he understands, or wants to understand, my spiritual inclinations. This has been damning for many a couple. I was always hoping we could work through this kind of a difference, and that we could still find some common ground. Some hope somewhere, that we weren't entirely different on such a fundamental level. And I think there's still hope, if he'll take me as seriously as I'm willing to take him. But even when I bring up important issues with him, they seem to come and go in a day. Forgets things easily. Mmf.