Like a bowl full of jelly
So I thought, haven't posted in months, what would be a good way of easing back into it? Well, I don't know about you, but discussing what people refer to as rape culture and ruining Christmas seems like a dandy way to do this. And you know how I don't cut-tag? Well, I'm cut-tagging this one. Because warnings:
1) I will be discussing stuff about social perceptions of rape/rape victims/rapists and this may be upsetting for some people.
2) I have been reliably informed that this theory has ruined Christmas for a number of people. It's a thing, you may not want to read if you don't want that.
So, I was thinking...
Over the last few years I've been reading more about cultural expectations and such, particularly in terms of the social constructs about women. I probably have about sixteen different rants about them, and several have been in this journal, I'm also pretty sure that some of my friends mention them to me in order to see my hand gestures, facial expressions and hair tugging when I get going on a rant. There are a couple in particular I wanted to put out there.
In particular I've become aware of some of the discussion about rape in the culture I'm part of. I don't know that this is the place to talk about rape jokes or the structures of insults that use rape mentions to punish, threaten or reinforce the status of individuals. There's a lot of that stuff around.
What I wanted to do was to tell you all about the brilliant solution I came up with to one of the confusing dichotomies that I keep running up against.
The two assumptions that have messed with my head:
1) Women are in control and can prevent rape by wearing the right things, controlling her emotions, not having sex, not enjoying sex, not being in the wrong place (whatever that place is), not drinking too much, not drinking at all, not having any mind altering circumstances (drugs, sleep, confusion), not flirting, not being rude, not controlling what and how they do things at all times.
2) All men are not rapists and as with above women must be able to tell from the first 'Hello' whether or not a man is likely to assault her, because if she treats a non-rapist in an impolite manner she is rude (insert here "Bitch/lesbian/frigid") or if she doesn't immediately punch a rapist in the face, she didn't fight hard enough....
Now I'm not saying that this is how any of you, my dear friends, thinks, but there is an awful lot of narrative pressure toward those points.
I have a solution.
There is in fact one being who is the uber-rapist. He knows when you have flirted too much, he knows when you are wearing the sexy knickers, he knows when you take that back alley to get home after a party. He knows when you aren't a virgin, he knows when you're a slut, he knows when you are high or drunk, so be good for goodness sake.
It's not men who think that assault is okay, there is just Rapey Santa.
Women should be careful about what they do, because it's Rapey Santa's job to see who's naughty and who's nice, and if you don't get on the list you won't get Rapey Santa's attention. This theory is great because it takes the pressure off women who no longer have to worry about some dickhead who figures that he is entitled to sex because he wants it, because he was dating you anyway, because you caught his attention, because you are not a separate person with a mind of your own. No! All a woman has to do is follow the rules not to be on the naughty list, and it's made perfectly clear what those rules were on the Being a Woman Memo girls get at birth*. If you don't follow the rules obviously you totally deserve it. We all know the song.
You better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is coming to town...
Sorry if I ruined Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.
* You didn't get one? Well if you don't care enough to keep all the important memos it's no wonder you're not on the nice list.
I think I just creeped myself out.
1) I will be discussing stuff about social perceptions of rape/rape victims/rapists and this may be upsetting for some people.
2) I have been reliably informed that this theory has ruined Christmas for a number of people. It's a thing, you may not want to read if you don't want that.
So, I was thinking...
Over the last few years I've been reading more about cultural expectations and such, particularly in terms of the social constructs about women. I probably have about sixteen different rants about them, and several have been in this journal, I'm also pretty sure that some of my friends mention them to me in order to see my hand gestures, facial expressions and hair tugging when I get going on a rant. There are a couple in particular I wanted to put out there.
In particular I've become aware of some of the discussion about rape in the culture I'm part of. I don't know that this is the place to talk about rape jokes or the structures of insults that use rape mentions to punish, threaten or reinforce the status of individuals. There's a lot of that stuff around.
What I wanted to do was to tell you all about the brilliant solution I came up with to one of the confusing dichotomies that I keep running up against.
The two assumptions that have messed with my head:
1) Women are in control and can prevent rape by wearing the right things, controlling her emotions, not having sex, not enjoying sex, not being in the wrong place (whatever that place is), not drinking too much, not drinking at all, not having any mind altering circumstances (drugs, sleep, confusion), not flirting, not being rude, not controlling what and how they do things at all times.
2) All men are not rapists and as with above women must be able to tell from the first 'Hello' whether or not a man is likely to assault her, because if she treats a non-rapist in an impolite manner she is rude (insert here "Bitch/lesbian/frigid") or if she doesn't immediately punch a rapist in the face, she didn't fight hard enough....
Now I'm not saying that this is how any of you, my dear friends, thinks, but there is an awful lot of narrative pressure toward those points.
I have a solution.
There is in fact one being who is the uber-rapist. He knows when you have flirted too much, he knows when you are wearing the sexy knickers, he knows when you take that back alley to get home after a party. He knows when you aren't a virgin, he knows when you're a slut, he knows when you are high or drunk, so be good for goodness sake.
It's not men who think that assault is okay, there is just Rapey Santa.
Women should be careful about what they do, because it's Rapey Santa's job to see who's naughty and who's nice, and if you don't get on the list you won't get Rapey Santa's attention. This theory is great because it takes the pressure off women who no longer have to worry about some dickhead who figures that he is entitled to sex because he wants it, because he was dating you anyway, because you caught his attention, because you are not a separate person with a mind of your own. No! All a woman has to do is follow the rules not to be on the naughty list, and it's made perfectly clear what those rules were on the Being a Woman Memo girls get at birth*. If you don't follow the rules obviously you totally deserve it. We all know the song.
You better watch out,
you better not cry,
you better not pout,
I'm telling you why,
Santa Claus is coming to town...
Sorry if I ruined Christmas. Ho Ho Ho.
* You didn't get one? Well if you don't care enough to keep all the important memos it's no wonder you're not on the nice list.
I think I just creeped myself out.