Sometimes I remember that I have an LJ
It's weird the way life and the continued travails of dealing with trolls and so on have me pin-balling around virtual places where I do and don't share things.
On Tumblr and Twitter, I try not to share most personal things. I learned my lesson about that when the death of one of my students drew an absolutely disgusting series of attacks.
But it kind of sucks. There are kind people whom I like, and being completely guarded, though necessary, feels false. But whatever. There's no real alternative.
Which kind of brings me to this entry. It's nothing more than venting, so why vent here? I don't know. I'm tired of hearing myself talk about this in my "mains" (and I'm sure that every single person in my "RL" is also tired of hearing me talk about it), and yet the last eight months have worn me down. I know, I know. They have worn the whole world down, and my privileged ass has remained healthy and safe and sheltered. But it's not a suffering competition, right?
And the thing that is getting me down is the fact that I am constantly being shit on and surveilled and micromanaged by administrators who have no idea how to run an institution and, as has become increasingly clear from their haphazard dictates and "resources for faculty," have absolutely no idea how to teach. Add to this the fact that my students, overwhelmingly, have been behaving like fucking MONSTERS (please note, I teach college-my students are adults, chronologically at least), and I am just so done with this. I see people posting these Twitter threads about life-changing teachers and the wonderful grace and support students are offering them and one another, and it is devastating, because BOY HOWDY THAT IS NOT MY LIFE.
Anyway. Just screaming into a hole.