WEIGHT LOSS JOURNEY & THE INTERNAL TEAM
A friend of mine added me to a fasting site a fortnight ago and it has brought a lot of things to the surface, especially this past week. For the record, I haven’t done this diet, nor I’m not advocating it, but learning about it has me questioning my own way of eating. Never a bad thing, especially when you want to get fit ‘n look cute before you’re 50.
The diet in question is the Snake Diet. It’s another incarnate of extended/ intermittent fasting and is being presented by a local boy, Cole Robinson. In a nutshell, its premise is that obese people should be eating like snakes. Feeding for a very short window of time and then fasting for a couple of days or more. Then, repeat until you hit your goal weight or have reset yourself. I can only give you a broad idea of the system as I dislike being yells at for 10 minutes at a time and that’s what his videos mostly consist of. Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t the first time that I have looking into the whole fasting thing, and what he say’s there is a lot of merit. I just wish that he would learn how to edit his videos because I have my own anger issues these videos make me yell at my monitor. Usually something along the lines of “no Cole I can’t fucking see which area of the keto stick I should be on because you’re holding it 3 fucking feet from the camera and you can’t be bothered to learn how to do a simple cut in! you stunned cunt?!?!?” so, I stopped watching, and asked that friend to give me the Coles note on Coles videos. In case I’m missing something, as appears that I might want to try it. Even though he can be very uncle Stalin-y about things, I’m still glad that I have been wading through his information, as I said, it has brought things up for me.
Yesterday, I was held hostage by a binge and overwhelming oral fixations. It was different this time though, I was more aware of how out of control of the situation was. And how much I was there, but on the sidelines pleading and recoiling in horror at the spectacle. Despite all of that what struck me most, was how usually I would have been tuned out or completely absent during an episode, why not this time? I kept trying to focus on just how full my stomach was, and timing how long it has been since I put something in my mouth. Only to catch myself sampling the borsch soup that I was making, drinking or wanting a toke. Theses waves of all consuming want could be delayed to every 30 minutes or so, but I would have tried 2-3 times to last that meager time length. “Who was at the controls?” I wondered. Fuck. It was my inner low-impulse-control-latchkey kid and it was on a bender. It took a few hours but I caved. As the inner adult, I tossed my hands up in the air said fuck it, went into town and stocked up. To my credit I got some real food too, but none it got ate last night. I was caving potato chips like I was pregnant, so instead of eating the fridge clean at home, I figured that I might as well feed what I’m craving. So, a family sized bag of chips and I half container of dill pickle dip later things settled down and I fell to sleep. No purging this time- that’s a win.
But here’s the thing, usually these days I can put the E break on and call it a night. No harm, no fowl. But the last 48hrs have been bad. like getting undressed to keep myself from going to town the night before for ice cream bad. Truth be told, last nights binge started 24 hrs before, I was just able to push it forward another day. Maybe that’s what went wrong. The tipping point for tossing in the towel and going to town was after noting the 30min window in between eating I tried to be a little more assertive. I asked that we stop until 6 pm, a reasonable “you’re not hungry, let’s not eat until suppertime” 3 hr fast. And Bam! Instantly the binge took on a life of its own, went into overdrive and started to go towards all out Akira. It scared me honestly. Enough to wrestle through it here, in word, the next day. but now I’m wondering how much of my lack of control was due to the T3’s I have been taking since my surgery? And that helps my master [the nervous system] relax. Maybe now I can figure out why the thought of going sans food for 1-2 days a week would have me freaking out so bad.
Now, this is where I go and have a little “staff meeting” to hear the concerns and gain insights from myself. Think of Frankie’s advice to Grace ref Vlogging. Sometimes you tell yourself what you need to hear the most. For example, todays meeting ref the topic at hand brought up a few different things, many of the usual suspects unfortunately. 1. Commitment, a recurring theme in my life. They say you have to do it forever! It’s how you eat now. Answer. Since when have I ever done anything their way? Try it for 2 weeks or 20lbs, which ever comes first. Then reassess. 2. what if it works? Answer. We will keep on top of the process and problems along the way via Sitreps (situation reports) such as these, and plan/ move accordingly. 3. What I really meant to say is that what if it works, because I can’t handle the attention of men. Answer. Not yet. But it will still take time to get results, put that time to use. Yes, men are terrifying, no doubt. But they aren’t all the same either. Look for ones that will still find you interesting once their balls are empty.
As you can see things can get pretty damn real during these meetings, but it’s how I am getting to know who is on my inner team, what our operations systems are and how they can be streamlined into something more productive. It also helps “them” understand that I’m the CEO who’s gonna make everything alright. The more of them that believe that, the easier life gets. And more goals are accomplished. Yes, I realize that this sounds like I’m coocoo for cocoa puffs. For sure. Thankfully, I’m not alone in this way of thought. Don’t believe me? Watch Pixar’s “Inside out” and get back to me. They do a wonderful job of explaining this form of physcology.
Now team… Back to the task at hand, time to have your say. That other stuff is valid, but not the whole or complete truth.so I’m asking gain, who is not comfortable with going extended periods sans food and why? To which someone responds “ maybe the better question which I should be asking, who wants to give this a go and why?...”