For Sean

[polly_okeefe]

I slipped through the crowds of people shouting "Happy New Year", pushed open the rec room door and stepped into the Compound corridor. Already here, the noises of the party sounded muffled and unreal. Like an echo

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[missingthekeep]

It takes Sean a couple minutes to put it together that something's the matter, but he's admittedly a little distracted and for once, it's not a bad thing. He catches a glimpse of Polly and that Bridge kid out of the corner of his eye in the lead up to midnight, but once the countdown starts, Meredith does a very good job of keeping his attention focused squarely on her. A flash of colour winding its way quickly through the crowd is all that Polly's exit really registers as while he rings in the new year in considerably better fashion than he did the last one. Eventually, once the heat of the moment winds down a bit and he has the chance to put two and two together, he realizes that Polly must have beat feet in a hurry to get out of there, which of course only sets him to wondering why, and as much as he's enjoying things for once, he excuses himself for a couple minutes to curiously stick his head out the Compound doors to see if he can glean what's up

[polly_okeefe]

For a moment, I couldn't reply. I stood there, my face in my hands, sobbing. It was a struggle to get enough control to speak. "Bridge," I gasped at last. Then, "Gone."

Saying it made it real. The tears redoubled.

[missingthekeep]

Well, so much for this being something simple that a couple questions could clear up in a hurry. Sure, Sean had been getting a little tired of the party atmosphere, but this isn't exactly what he'd envisioned swapping it out for.

"What, jus' now? Jus' like that?" he asks, hurrying over to her side.

[polly_okeefe]

I nodded. I gulped. I nodded again. "I saw him vanish in front of me."

[missingthekeep]

"Bloody hell," Sean grits, making a face. And here he thought it was bad enough worrying about the people he loves disappearing whenever he isn't looking, actually getting to see it happen might eliminate any feelings of doubt, but it's also a whole new realm of wrong.

"Easy, lassie, jus' breathe. It'll be all right, now."

[polly_okeefe]

"No, it won't," I mumbled, an anger rising in me. Not at Sean, but at the Island. "That's the way this place works, isn't it? I should have known. The moment we get any sort of happiness, it takes it away. Just for a second I forgot that this place was a prison! It's not fair!"

Those last words were a shout, and I swung around and punched the Compound wall with my fist. That jerked me to a stop. Clutching my hand, I said, a lot more quietly, "Ow."

[missingthekeep]

It's almost funny in a perverse sort of way, that seeing the very thing he most fears happening and hearing the sentiments he's terrified of feeling again winds up being the only thing that gets Sean to try to look at them reasonably. Were he in Polly's position, he knows he'd be doing a hell of a lot worse than she is, requiring a lot more violence than a lousy building can provide, and yet he's reaching out for her wrist the instant she strikes the wall to see if she's hurt herself. Hypocrisy, thy name is Cassidy.

"Come on, now, easy does it, lemme see that. Ye're angry, that's okay, ye jus' need ta relax."

[polly_okeefe]

The pain knocks a bit of clarity back into my head. Biting my lip, I let Sean look at my hand. The wall as broken the skin around my knuckles, but that's all. I cleared my nose with a sniff.

[missingthekeep]

"That's more like it, lass," Sean says, as reassuringly as he can. It's not one of his strong suits by any stretch of the imagination, but he does his best. Still, it isn't as if he has any idea of what to say to make any of this better, so he just sticks with what he knows, checking out her hand for a few seconds before bending over and scooping up a handful of snow to press against her knuckles. It's not an ice pack, but the skin doesn't look torn up enough to worry about irritating it too much.

[polly_okeefe]

The anger gone and the pain numbed with cold, all that remained was my broken heart. I started to cry; a high-pitch bleating whine that I thought I'd left behind in my childhood. I hated myself for being this way, which of course made the tears worse.

"I'm sorry," I gasped. "I must look totally pathetic."

[missingthekeep]

"Nonsense," Sean says automatically, and while his instincts have absolutely nothing to say on the matter of what to do here, something like them kicks in nevertheless as he puts an arm around her shoulders. Just something about a crying girl, maybe. "The two o' ye were close, aye? Ye're allowed ta be upset. Lord knows I'd be cuttin' a pretty miserable figure, too, in yer shoes."

[polly_okeefe]

"Thanks," I said, leaning into him. He was right. I couldn't help but remember last year.

I took a shaky breath, and started to pull myself together. "I should go home." I looked down at myself. "Unfortunately, I think I left my coat back inside."

[missingthekeep]

Sean isn't so sure how good an idea it is for her to be alone right now, but he doesn't argue the matter, nodding slowly and patting her on the arm. "Ye want ta head back inside for't? Or I could lend ye mine?"

[polly_okeefe]

I cleared my nose with a sniff, and managed a smile, though I didn't look at him. "Such a gentleman." I took a deep breath, and then I looked up at him. "Yes, please. Thanks. I don't want to go back in there."

[missingthekeep]

"Fair enae," Sean says, already pulling his coat off, thankful it isn't too cold out. Gentleman's one of the last words he'd ever use to describe himself, but it doesn't seem like the time to go pointing that out. "It's jus' a dinner jacket, but it should do ye foine on the way t'yer place."

[polly_okeefe]

"Thanks," I said, and I hugged him. Then I turned away. Putting one foot in front of the other, I started back for my hut.