Hmm. Thoughts.
Really and truly, I don't think that I'll ever completely achieve satisfaction in my life if I never publish my novel series. I do believe that. But in the meantime, I want to start doing more things to just... GET more out of life. To be more satisfied. There's so much bitterness in me, and I just want to get it out of me.
First , I know that I get angry too easily. I've been told by enough people - my parents, Chad, my friends - that I do. And I know that I do. And a lot of it, I think, can be avoided just by changing the state of mind that I'm in. I remember in August, how I felt. That's when I did so well at work. I had this... this clear state of mind, it was just, I was so completely excited because of the change at work, to be away from people that I truly couldn't stand, and to be among people that I felt actually respected me. And so I was kind and friendly and I had a fantastic month. But then I got worn out, because of other things going on in my life, and the happiness just sort of went away.
I remember last February, after the most traumatic moments of my life - that I still won't talk about anymore, and won't for awhile - I had to keep my head up every day and I had to repeat to myself over and over again that I was going to feel good no matter what. And eventually I did, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that there was a kind of warmth in that and I want to get back to that. So in that respect, I just want to get back to being the kind person that I know I can be. And I think that will ease a lot of the anger that I have.
Second, I need a career change. Badly. I like Alltel, but I can't see it being fulfilling at all down the line - hell, it's not even fulfilling right now. I LIKE it, but it is not fulfilling. And yes, I'd love to be a full-time author, but until that happens, I need to pay the bills. And so I've looked into things at school and whatnot, and thought about the career that I planned to eventually have as a college professor.
I dont' want that. Period. I do not want to be a professor. I don't want to teach. I've realized that it's not for me. And certainly not something like Sociology, which is something that I believed in. But it's too idealistic for me. It's just not realistic. Lately, I've been leaning more towards science - specifically, earth science. It's just interested me so much and there are so many jobs in that field, interesting jobs, well-paying jobs. And it made me think about how I needed a master's degree to teach college, and the thought of being in it for that long was really overwhelming me. If I can do a more interesting job that only requires a bachelor's degree, then that's what I want to do. I feel like I really enjoy the subject. I love to travel and I love discovering new things and analyzing things and, believe it or not, being outdoors. (I just don't get to do the latter that much!)
Beth the geologist. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Now, the trick is pulling it off. Staying strong in school, in work (for now), in friendships, in life! The trick is to stay happy. I believe in myself and my own ability to do so, and I really think I'm onto something here. :)
First , I know that I get angry too easily. I've been told by enough people - my parents, Chad, my friends - that I do. And I know that I do. And a lot of it, I think, can be avoided just by changing the state of mind that I'm in. I remember in August, how I felt. That's when I did so well at work. I had this... this clear state of mind, it was just, I was so completely excited because of the change at work, to be away from people that I truly couldn't stand, and to be among people that I felt actually respected me. And so I was kind and friendly and I had a fantastic month. But then I got worn out, because of other things going on in my life, and the happiness just sort of went away.
I remember last February, after the most traumatic moments of my life - that I still won't talk about anymore, and won't for awhile - I had to keep my head up every day and I had to repeat to myself over and over again that I was going to feel good no matter what. And eventually I did, and I guess what I'm trying to say is that there was a kind of warmth in that and I want to get back to that. So in that respect, I just want to get back to being the kind person that I know I can be. And I think that will ease a lot of the anger that I have.
Second, I need a career change. Badly. I like Alltel, but I can't see it being fulfilling at all down the line - hell, it's not even fulfilling right now. I LIKE it, but it is not fulfilling. And yes, I'd love to be a full-time author, but until that happens, I need to pay the bills. And so I've looked into things at school and whatnot, and thought about the career that I planned to eventually have as a college professor.
I dont' want that. Period. I do not want to be a professor. I don't want to teach. I've realized that it's not for me. And certainly not something like Sociology, which is something that I believed in. But it's too idealistic for me. It's just not realistic. Lately, I've been leaning more towards science - specifically, earth science. It's just interested me so much and there are so many jobs in that field, interesting jobs, well-paying jobs. And it made me think about how I needed a master's degree to teach college, and the thought of being in it for that long was really overwhelming me. If I can do a more interesting job that only requires a bachelor's degree, then that's what I want to do. I feel like I really enjoy the subject. I love to travel and I love discovering new things and analyzing things and, believe it or not, being outdoors. (I just don't get to do the latter that much!)
Beth the geologist. It has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Now, the trick is pulling it off. Staying strong in school, in work (for now), in friendships, in life! The trick is to stay happy. I believe in myself and my own ability to do so, and I really think I'm onto something here. :)