what else would it be about

[polkadotsandtea]

i had an interesting conversation with my dad this afternoon
and im wondering if i should give it a shot
besides, one month is all i have left in me
any more time and i think ill go crazy
"concentrate on yourself...you're looking for the answers in all the wrong places...they have to come from inside...."
????

my fingers smell like smoke and it makes me sick...dizzy...and nauseous
and yet when i light up the fucking cancer stick in my mouth it eases the pain...
makes me sleepy

so i go on kairos on monday....hmmm.....
i wonder if ill come back all happy and giddy
or if i will come back knowing ive made so many mistakes
will i run to you and cry...tell you how much you mean to me,
fuck...i can tell you that now

enough with this
for the rest of the day i pray to God i can think of something else

i want to be happy
not superficial happy
t r u l y h a p p y