Timely ditty, this: Am the Very Model of a Modern Fundamentalist
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist I’m not merely judgmental, I’m the absolute judgmentalist! I always follow scripture and I act on God’s authority, Though marital longevity was never my priority.
I married first one husband, then two others, then another one Because I think one man is pretty much like any other one. I’ve never been too troubled by the dubious legalities Of sex outside of marriage or of other trivialities.
But when it comes to icky stuff like homosexuality, I’m always very strident with my Puritan morality. In short in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist, I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.
In questions of behavior I fall back on my Old Testament (Though saying no to shrimp is way too much of an impediment). I pick and choose the verses that support my little weltanschauung And pledge to never change my mind from now til götterdämmerung.
I’ll ride this hobbyhorse until I’m richer than a sybarite, There’ll always be good money in denouncing godless sodomites. I’ll put my name as author on some books that I can barely read And get a show on cable to inform the world what God decreed.
My husbands all agree that I know more about what marriage is Than five Supreme Court justices whose law my faith disparages, In short in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist, I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.
In fact, when I see what is meant by constitutionality, When I can do my job with requisite impartiality, When I can join in marriage two young men who might be thespians, Or issue nuptial licenses to enterprising lesbians,
When I can see that love is love no matter what the sexes are, And understand that gays are just like me and my three exes are, In short, when I have finally got a dose of moral clarity, I’ll find out what is meant by the idea of Christian charity.
Til then I’ll flout the law and draw my wages from the county tax, (Which is what God would do if only He was up on all the facts). Til then in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist, I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist!
I checked out his blog, and it looks really interesting. I don't have time to delve into it right now, but I'm definitely going to do that as soon as I can.
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist
I’m not merely judgmental, I’m the absolute judgmentalist!
I always follow scripture and I act on God’s authority,
Though marital longevity was never my priority.
I married first one husband, then two others, then another one
Because I think one man is pretty much like any other one.
I’ve never been too troubled by the dubious legalities
Of sex outside of marriage or of other trivialities.
But when it comes to icky stuff like homosexuality,
I’m always very strident with my Puritan morality.
In short in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.
In questions of behavior I fall back on my Old Testament
(Though saying no to shrimp is way too much of an impediment).
I pick and choose the verses that support my little weltanschauung
And pledge to never change my mind from now til götterdämmerung.
I’ll ride this hobbyhorse until I’m richer than a sybarite,
There’ll always be good money in denouncing godless sodomites.
I’ll put my name as author on some books that I can barely read
And get a show on cable to inform the world what God decreed.
My husbands all agree that I know more about what marriage is
Than five Supreme Court justices whose law my faith disparages,
In short in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist.
In fact, when I see what is meant by constitutionality,
When I can do my job with requisite impartiality,
When I can join in marriage two young men who might be thespians,
Or issue nuptial licenses to enterprising lesbians,
When I can see that love is love no matter what the sexes are,
And understand that gays are just like me and my three exes are,
In short, when I have finally got a dose of moral clarity,
I’ll find out what is meant by the idea of Christian charity.
Til then I’ll flout the law and draw my wages from the county tax,
(Which is what God would do if only He was up on all the facts).
Til then in matters biblical and spiritual and Calvinist,
I am the very model of a modern fundamentalist!
(From this Dude.
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I checked out his blog, and it looks really interesting. I don't have time to delve into it right now, but I'm definitely going to do that as soon as I can.
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