So I am all packed...
Basically.. I leave Shu-Te tomorrow. Aran is leaving as we speak. Her and I have gotten pretty close. Her and I have some serious similarities. This has been a theme lately but I know she has a slight form of depression. I think because when I get depressed I don't really want any help unless maybe to vent some anger (which is usually fueled at myself) or in case I am fearful of doing something stupid to myself...
Anyway because I am like that with myself I feel like I can understand people a bit better and talk through stuff. Deanna and I had that going. Again Aran and I are just friends so its different. Its gonna be weird leaving here tomorrow. I will probably cry because everyone else will be crying and I have some great friends here. Hopefully, I will have some control. As lame as it sounds I have enjoyed crying before. I don't know it releases some of the hate and anger in me. Then I sleep.
I am not gonna lie. Since its been about a year and who knows how many months since we had a real voice to voice conversation...(Deanna and I) I feel that old me sliding away. I don't really like it. No one will probably read this so I am not really worried about what I will write... Mattie might... Eedee is a probable. Deanna is a long shot but I did comment on her last post a couple days ago. So maybe her curiosity will get the best of her.
Anyway... to be truthful I fucked up. I ruined the friendship Deanna and I could have had. As far as our relationship. That is in the past and I don't feel like it would be fair to blame either one of us. I will defend my actions as far as the relationship goes. As far as the friendship goes... there is no excuse. Twice, I got drunk and called and texted her. Saying things I shouldn't have. Deanna rightfully cut me off.
I feel like an idiot... as I should. I know people who have to done more and gotten less and just the opposite. So am I better off...? Better question is she better off? Friendship wise that is. I don't really talk to anyone like that anymore. Yea I have a girlfriend but she can't handle the depression/self centered/self doubting me.... Who knows right?
anyway... it felt good to get a small piece of that off my chest. I actually got football tickets this season to away games. There were four games... the good tickets were of course UGA, LSU and UF... Arkansas was the other. No one really wanted Arkansas. I will be at those 3 games for my senior season and pray to something that we pull one, two or all three of them off..
..Damn.. I missed this. You should try it some time.
Anyway because I am like that with myself I feel like I can understand people a bit better and talk through stuff. Deanna and I had that going. Again Aran and I are just friends so its different. Its gonna be weird leaving here tomorrow. I will probably cry because everyone else will be crying and I have some great friends here. Hopefully, I will have some control. As lame as it sounds I have enjoyed crying before. I don't know it releases some of the hate and anger in me. Then I sleep.
I am not gonna lie. Since its been about a year and who knows how many months since we had a real voice to voice conversation...(Deanna and I) I feel that old me sliding away. I don't really like it. No one will probably read this so I am not really worried about what I will write... Mattie might... Eedee is a probable. Deanna is a long shot but I did comment on her last post a couple days ago. So maybe her curiosity will get the best of her.
Anyway... to be truthful I fucked up. I ruined the friendship Deanna and I could have had. As far as our relationship. That is in the past and I don't feel like it would be fair to blame either one of us. I will defend my actions as far as the relationship goes. As far as the friendship goes... there is no excuse. Twice, I got drunk and called and texted her. Saying things I shouldn't have. Deanna rightfully cut me off.
I feel like an idiot... as I should. I know people who have to done more and gotten less and just the opposite. So am I better off...? Better question is she better off? Friendship wise that is. I don't really talk to anyone like that anymore. Yea I have a girlfriend but she can't handle the depression/self centered/self doubting me.... Who knows right?
anyway... it felt good to get a small piece of that off my chest. I actually got football tickets this season to away games. There were four games... the good tickets were of course UGA, LSU and UF... Arkansas was the other. No one really wanted Arkansas. I will be at those 3 games for my senior season and pray to something that we pull one, two or all three of them off..
..Damn.. I missed this. You should try it some time.