[Text message to Toris 8:49pm] Subject: Um, dude.
So, I was, like, horrifically attacked recently and you didn’t, like, jump out from behind a wall and take the person out. I was way shocked. It was a complete hostage situation too, damsel in distress type of a deal. And since, I heroically rescued myself I’ve done nothing but lock myself in my dorm eating comfort food; that may or may not have come from your place -- SERIOUSLY the store has relocated to Narnia or something. Anyway, I, like, just wanted to tell you this, not to try and make you feel guilty or anything, like, I would nev-
[...second text message to Toris 8:53pm] Subject: OMG What IS a character limit anyway?!
-er do that, but, like, if I had died it would’ve been your fault because you can easily, like, jump out of places and totally kick serious butt and you didn’t. The person was, like, big, manly, and smelly too and thought they were a girl (how sad is that! HA), and they didn't get all scared when they heard your name, like, what's up with that?! (Oh, I seriously do know your last name, really I do...) and they didn’t know how to brush their hair. Can you even begin to know how horrified I was? Honestly. EGH and I just, like, ran out of comfort food too.
[...second text message to Toris 8:53pm] Subject: OMG What IS a character limit anyway?!
-er do that, but, like, if I had died it would’ve been your fault because you can easily, like, jump out of places and totally kick serious butt and you didn’t. The person was, like, big, manly, and smelly too and thought they were a girl (how sad is that! HA), and they didn't get all scared when they heard your name, like, what's up with that?! (Oh, I seriously do know your last name, really I do...) and they didn’t know how to brush their hair. Can you even begin to know how horrified I was? Honestly. EGH and I just, like, ran out of comfort food too.