dog days are over
how can a weekend be both the best and worst?
i dunno but i think mine was.
meeting someone for the first time, someone you have known for 3 years just makes your heart fly.
i never thought i would meet him, so when i knew i was going to melbourne it made me a bit sick.
My Perspective: i didn't care if he had a beer belly, or a scarred face, or erectile dysfunction. i knew him on a level deeper than that, or so i wanted to believe. we had shared so much. its much easier to share with strangers than your friends. but he became a friend. in my mind he was more than a friend. he didnt even know me, but .. he KNEW me. its strange.
i would've done anything to see him. and i didnt care about appearances. all i cared about was him.
friday night: i dont think i have ever, EVER been so nervous in my life. my heart was heart so hard and so fast, i thought that i would have a heart attack or something. this wasnt natural.
he was everything i had ever envisioned and more. that first hug - probably the best of my life. i can't even begin to describe how much emotion was in it, i cant describe how we both stood there shaking, holding each other, not being to comprehend that this event in history had finally happened.
when he dropped me home, i was walking on air. he wasn't repulsed by me. he was everything i had hoped for. i couldn't believe it but i forced myself to. he was with me, i was with him, finally.
but there is always the change. THE change. something happens and deep down you know its not the same. saturday was not the same as friday.
maybe its because i was drinking,
maybe its because he was tired,
maybe he realised he didnt like me,
maybe he had a different impression of me and i didnt live up to it,
maybe he liked someone else and felt bad,
maybe he stilled liked liz.
who am i kidding .. he still loves liz.
but i was the one who was there for the weekend. all this talk about how we were finally gonna meet. that just disappeared.
all i wanted, was to be with the person who i had shared so much with and thought i had some kind of connection which transcended the sexual, emotional and physical. all i wanted was to lay there and talk. for him to hold me.
i guess i wanted too much.
i felt like a prostitute being driven home.
he didn't look at me.
he didn't hold my hand.
i dunno. maybe i created something that wasn't there in the first place.
i guess i thought he was the only person who couldnt let me down. he knew me as a person first. and i thought that would come first.
.. is it wrong for me to hold a glimmer of hope that he was actually distancing himself from me so it didnt hurt so much when i left?
god, when i think that aloud it sounds so farfetched.
i don't think i was what he thought i was going to be.
its not like i want to go out with him, but i think i like him enough to do that.
i just want to know what's up?
why the sudden cold front?
if you want friends, then i can do friends. god knows i've done it a million times before.
but i want you to know, you are special to me.
i don't care if you keep wasting your time still loving liz, i was there, and i loved being with you every minute.
- coz waking up without you, is like drinking from an empty cup -
i dunno but i think mine was.
meeting someone for the first time, someone you have known for 3 years just makes your heart fly.
i never thought i would meet him, so when i knew i was going to melbourne it made me a bit sick.
My Perspective: i didn't care if he had a beer belly, or a scarred face, or erectile dysfunction. i knew him on a level deeper than that, or so i wanted to believe. we had shared so much. its much easier to share with strangers than your friends. but he became a friend. in my mind he was more than a friend. he didnt even know me, but .. he KNEW me. its strange.
i would've done anything to see him. and i didnt care about appearances. all i cared about was him.
friday night: i dont think i have ever, EVER been so nervous in my life. my heart was heart so hard and so fast, i thought that i would have a heart attack or something. this wasnt natural.
he was everything i had ever envisioned and more. that first hug - probably the best of my life. i can't even begin to describe how much emotion was in it, i cant describe how we both stood there shaking, holding each other, not being to comprehend that this event in history had finally happened.
when he dropped me home, i was walking on air. he wasn't repulsed by me. he was everything i had hoped for. i couldn't believe it but i forced myself to. he was with me, i was with him, finally.
but there is always the change. THE change. something happens and deep down you know its not the same. saturday was not the same as friday.
maybe its because i was drinking,
maybe its because he was tired,
maybe he realised he didnt like me,
maybe he had a different impression of me and i didnt live up to it,
maybe he liked someone else and felt bad,
maybe he stilled liked liz.
who am i kidding .. he still loves liz.
but i was the one who was there for the weekend. all this talk about how we were finally gonna meet. that just disappeared.
all i wanted, was to be with the person who i had shared so much with and thought i had some kind of connection which transcended the sexual, emotional and physical. all i wanted was to lay there and talk. for him to hold me.
i guess i wanted too much.
i felt like a prostitute being driven home.
he didn't look at me.
he didn't hold my hand.
i dunno. maybe i created something that wasn't there in the first place.
i guess i thought he was the only person who couldnt let me down. he knew me as a person first. and i thought that would come first.
.. is it wrong for me to hold a glimmer of hope that he was actually distancing himself from me so it didnt hurt so much when i left?
god, when i think that aloud it sounds so farfetched.
i don't think i was what he thought i was going to be.
its not like i want to go out with him, but i think i like him enough to do that.
i just want to know what's up?
why the sudden cold front?
if you want friends, then i can do friends. god knows i've done it a million times before.
but i want you to know, you are special to me.
i don't care if you keep wasting your time still loving liz, i was there, and i loved being with you every minute.
- coz waking up without you, is like drinking from an empty cup -