(no subject)
i can't sleep, and for completely irrational reasons.
tomorrow, or i guess this, morning my mother and i will take nina in to get fixed. i have to go, 'cause all i can think of is seeing my mom taking rudy off to the vet in the van after dropping me off to school, seeing those sad, pleading eyes, and later in the day finding out that he had died.
i also think of those days when cleo was terribly sick, when we were told she would die, force feeding her ensure through a syringe, how she survived, only to die the night i got home from college for the summer. i remember waking up to my mother telling me that she had died, burying her in the backyard. crying.
now, although i know it is irrational, i remember that rudy was the last of them to go under anesthetic, and he died from that, from an adverse reaction, and the lack of attention paid while he was under. all i can think of is how cruel it would be for us to take our baby in to have surgery, only to have her die, only after we had sufficiently grown attached to her.
goddammit i'm fucked up. i'm staying up, crying over the death of a puppy who is alive.
tomorrow, or i guess this, morning my mother and i will take nina in to get fixed. i have to go, 'cause all i can think of is seeing my mom taking rudy off to the vet in the van after dropping me off to school, seeing those sad, pleading eyes, and later in the day finding out that he had died.
i also think of those days when cleo was terribly sick, when we were told she would die, force feeding her ensure through a syringe, how she survived, only to die the night i got home from college for the summer. i remember waking up to my mother telling me that she had died, burying her in the backyard. crying.
now, although i know it is irrational, i remember that rudy was the last of them to go under anesthetic, and he died from that, from an adverse reaction, and the lack of attention paid while he was under. all i can think of is how cruel it would be for us to take our baby in to have surgery, only to have her die, only after we had sufficiently grown attached to her.
goddammit i'm fucked up. i'm staying up, crying over the death of a puppy who is alive.