(no subject)
People just start to remind you of chewing gum. With time they lose taste until they become useless gray matter. You hide your phone so when people actually get a hold of you days later you can say "I left it in a different room and couldn't hear it," and not exactly be lying. You agree to plans with people and sporadically actually follow through with some in order to force yourself into some social contact. But it's boring. It's all so fucking boring that at 11 o'clock on a Saturday night you make up another ridiculous excuse and just go home. At home, one on one with yourself and with some ingredients that affect the psyche you start to overanalyze. Overanalyze yourself, your friends, your aquaitances, yourself, your lack of a normal schedule, your overactivity in certain parts of life and your apathy in others, your masks, the things that need to be started, the things that need to be stopped... This list can continue forever, and the more you learn about yourself, the less you know.The further in the depths of yourself you get lost. These thoughts are always in your head, but when you are one on one with yourself, they overpower. So you just go back. You go back to the endless people, plans, problems, parties... Because when you're active, even if the activity is self-destructive and illogical, you are distracted. You get engulfed in the problems and drama of others and with your constant desire to help people, you forget about yours.