Star Wars work in progress You Became to Me

[polgarawolf]

Thirtieth part of a WIP
Title: You Became to Me (as suggested by avari_maethor)
*Pairing: Mainly Anakin/Obi-Wan with some mention of Padmé
Rating: Fairly PG-13ish now, but inevitably at least an R (?)
Disclaimer: I do not own the lovely boys from Star Wars, more's the pity! What I do have is an extremely contrary muse that refuses to shut up and leave me alone

Comments

[polgarawolf]

I've tried to research as much as I can, but I'm not as familiar with some of my characters as I'd like to be, especially Dooku and even Qui-Gon. I've changed a few things outright from the canon and EU - the Temple on Coruscant, for one, especially regarding the contents and the look of the suite Obi-Wan shares first with Qui-Gon and then Anakin - but I've tried to keep the people in character. Please let me know where I've screwed up, if the people aren't sounding right to you. Dialogue for Yoda is actually surprisingly hard, and although I can usually hear Obi-Wan and Anakin fairly clearly and tell whether or not something sounds right (except for when Anakin is little - I've been thinking that some of his lines to Bail might be off, but I haven't had time to try to fix them yet), I have a harder time telling with the others.

Oh, heck, I've been revising as I write. That's part of the problem. I started this work with my focus just on Obi-Wan and Anakin, and I keep getting to a certain point and discovering that I've got another major character. Qui-Gon and Dooku and Bail are the first of four major characters who've popped up like that so that I've had to go back and try to bring more about them in earlier, so it won't seem like they've just been suddenly dropped down into the story. (Mace Windu has also been fleshed out more since I first started this.) The whole thing with the preface and prologues and the sections with the Force spirits has been worked into existing text just within the past three weeks or so, and I haven't really gotten any feedback about whether or not they work, so I've no idea if they help or hurt. When I first started this, I had most of the section about Sidious being able to see into the future, Padme's death, and then it jumped from there straight into the scene where Obi-Wan collapses and they get called back to Coruscant. And they got Palpatine safely back to Coruscant and Obi-Wan found out about Padme within the first half a dozen parts (which takes, what, three introductory sections and 10 or 11 numbered parts, now?). Initially, there was a lot more simple action and dialogue and I relied more heavily on the text for RotS. People were telling me that I had a good idea but that I had too much from RotS and not enough of my own voice, though, and so that prompted me to try to find a way to keep the action/dialogue from RotS where things were still happening in much the same way (especially in the fight over Coruscant) but to describe or explain it all in my own words. So then I got into the habit of having more interior monologue (thoughts and snatches of memory and emotions) to go along with the dialogue and action. *Sighs and frowns* Is there too much of that and not enough going on now?

[anakin415]

Give me a week or two. I hope not longer lol. I am trying to get my website up for my fan fiction archive. Once I get htat in order than i can sit down and go thru chapter by chapter and give you better notes. Again though please remember this little things are just that, little. I repect your love of detail as I have the same trait so I figured I should share. Your direction and your take on the ordeal is astounding. You have taken on quite a bit and it is coming along well. I am hoping that this isnt daunting you. Revisions and revisions are painstakingly common but in the end I think we become prouder of our work and it becomes a true piece of art or in this case fiction lol.

[polgarawolf]

*Grins* I am only daunted (and usually only mildly) whenever I stop to think about how many revisions I've done and how many I think I'll probably still have to do and how much more of the story I think there still is to write before it'll really be done. Well, not done, done, because more and more I'm getting the feeling that this is going to be more than one story's worth of stuff, but done enough to come to a stop and not be completely in the midst of things (like it is right now). Thanks so much for responding as much as you have and for saying you'll look at it again! I really need to break down and beg for a beta, but I've never had one before and my response time tends to be weird because my internet time is always more limited than I'd like it to be, so I've no idea how to go about finding one and I'm sort of halfway afraid of running anyone who agreed to be my beta off with my general scatty-ness, if that makes sense . . . Trying to edit and write just from a few scattered responses is harder than I would've expected it to be. I'm used to getting feedback in my creative writing classes and I guess I'm spoiled, even though it's been a couple of years since my last class. *Sighs* Anyway, thanks again!!! You're officially my hero, this month!