Mustafa Ziggy and the Spiders from the Window that Faces East
I walked into my room tonight to find a full scale siege being conducted by my long-time cautious ally, the spider.
It all began about a week ago when, laying on my back staring out the window above my bed, I noticed a number of small spiders clinging to the window. Seeing it as cute with a thick piece of glass between us, I playfully nicknamed it the spider hippie commune and decided to let the spiders have their fun on the other side of the wall. Then a couple days ago the first ones appeared outside the other window.
By this morning I noticed a couple small ones stationed in the upper corners of the window that faces south (hence forth Pirate, as there is a pirate flag covering it) likely sent as scouts to both check out potential real estate, and also, I'm sure, to spy on my comings and goings and relay back to whatever superiors their kind has.
When I arrived home from work, I caught the chilling flash of gossamer thread in the window. Not just a strand or two, but a whole web constructed coyly against the cloaking backdrop of metal screen. It was later, as errant water from the neighbor's hose splashed through the screen that I came to realize that the web was constructed on the inside. And it was then that I saw the scuttling shape of the enemy, though I did not yet realize the strength of my foe. At least 6 of them moved in protest of the droplets, the first wave invasion.
It was when I finally came in to go to bed that the sheer grandiose of their plan became apparent; stationed in each corner above my bed were a large spider and a very fast spider, both nestled close against the wall, eyeing me. And in the middle of the bed, directly above where I sleep, was the biggest, fastest fucking spider of them all, and he was diligently spinning a massive web.
Things became a blur after that; I struck the fast one first, after dousing the big fucker with 17 pumps of hairspray. It was only after removing all the wall coverings (I didn't want to mess up Charles's art or his military certificates) and several more rounds of hairspray that I managed to subdue the big fucker.
Now I'm locked in a stalemate with the last one thing the corner by the pirate window. I went through and killed off all the small time spiders hanging out in the window, and I've been holding this last big one at bay for the last 20 minutes as I've written this. He keeps trying to descend, and every time he does I hit him with the hairspray and try to trap him in the jar, and every time he runs back up the web to the ceiling where I can't get him. It's like he's super resistant to it or something.
Now I'm trying to decide whether it's worth the risk to go to sleep. This spider is clearly a high ranking lieutenant, and now that both of his superiors have been disoriented with chemicals and pitched into the street, that means he's in charge now. If I want to end this spider insurrection I need to neutralize him before he can get word out to call for reinforcements. I know there are still many operatives on the floor, working out of dark caves to topple what they see as my regime of fear over the back-porch room, and I'm afraid they have devised some kind of plan for invasion through the air conditioner, which is positioned directly over my head (not my idea). I regret that relations with my spider friends have deteriorated so quickly, but I cannot tolerate aggressive movement within my borders.
The spider that would be general is on the move again, time to mount up.
It all began about a week ago when, laying on my back staring out the window above my bed, I noticed a number of small spiders clinging to the window. Seeing it as cute with a thick piece of glass between us, I playfully nicknamed it the spider hippie commune and decided to let the spiders have their fun on the other side of the wall. Then a couple days ago the first ones appeared outside the other window.
By this morning I noticed a couple small ones stationed in the upper corners of the window that faces south (hence forth Pirate, as there is a pirate flag covering it) likely sent as scouts to both check out potential real estate, and also, I'm sure, to spy on my comings and goings and relay back to whatever superiors their kind has.
When I arrived home from work, I caught the chilling flash of gossamer thread in the window. Not just a strand or two, but a whole web constructed coyly against the cloaking backdrop of metal screen. It was later, as errant water from the neighbor's hose splashed through the screen that I came to realize that the web was constructed on the inside. And it was then that I saw the scuttling shape of the enemy, though I did not yet realize the strength of my foe. At least 6 of them moved in protest of the droplets, the first wave invasion.
It was when I finally came in to go to bed that the sheer grandiose of their plan became apparent; stationed in each corner above my bed were a large spider and a very fast spider, both nestled close against the wall, eyeing me. And in the middle of the bed, directly above where I sleep, was the biggest, fastest fucking spider of them all, and he was diligently spinning a massive web.
Things became a blur after that; I struck the fast one first, after dousing the big fucker with 17 pumps of hairspray. It was only after removing all the wall coverings (I didn't want to mess up Charles's art or his military certificates) and several more rounds of hairspray that I managed to subdue the big fucker.
Now I'm locked in a stalemate with the last one thing the corner by the pirate window. I went through and killed off all the small time spiders hanging out in the window, and I've been holding this last big one at bay for the last 20 minutes as I've written this. He keeps trying to descend, and every time he does I hit him with the hairspray and try to trap him in the jar, and every time he runs back up the web to the ceiling where I can't get him. It's like he's super resistant to it or something.
Now I'm trying to decide whether it's worth the risk to go to sleep. This spider is clearly a high ranking lieutenant, and now that both of his superiors have been disoriented with chemicals and pitched into the street, that means he's in charge now. If I want to end this spider insurrection I need to neutralize him before he can get word out to call for reinforcements. I know there are still many operatives on the floor, working out of dark caves to topple what they see as my regime of fear over the back-porch room, and I'm afraid they have devised some kind of plan for invasion through the air conditioner, which is positioned directly over my head (not my idea). I regret that relations with my spider friends have deteriorated so quickly, but I cannot tolerate aggressive movement within my borders.
The spider that would be general is on the move again, time to mount up.