FDTD Ch 9-10
About three hours after they had left the bank, Richard eventually started complaining about being tired and after a few initial snarky rebuffs Seth finally caved in and started looking for a place to spend the night.
They eventually came across a rundown, standard issue motel.
Seth parked the car and got out to see if there were any rooms available while Richie stayed with their hostages. Reid -who had barely gotten over his near death experience- looked around for any opportunity to save them, but there was no one else in sight.
Plus, with a gun constantly trained on Hazel's head he couldn't risk to yell for help. For the moment he could do nothing but wait and hope for an opportune moment -if he had that much time. He couldn't help but think that Seth letting him live was completely uncharacteristic and that the man could change his mind any minute.
He tried his best not to notice Richard Gecko' eerie gaze on them until Seth returned, swirling the keys to a room on his fingers. His mood seemed lighter now that they were relatively safe from detection. The brothers quickly moved their hostages into the room, locking the door behind them.
"Both o'you," Seth then gestured towards Reid and Hazel, "Plant yourselves over there."
He pointed towards an old couch by the door. They did and he went on to look out the windows cautiously, looking outside into the setting dusk for a moment. then he shut the windows tightly and pulled the shutters down. Reid watched how his features relaxed just the tiniests bit once the room was secured.
"Do they have cable here?" Richard asked in a voice that reminded Reid of a bored child's.
The tension in Seth's posture returned as quickly as it had gone, the prior hint of a smile vanishing.
"No, they don't," he replied tersely, like he already knew what was going to follow.
Indeed Richie frowned as he threw himself into a chair, "Do they have any x-rated channels?"
"No," came another clipped answer. Seth's fist briefly clenched in the lower parts of the curtains.
"And no water beds either, huh?"
"No, no water beds either," Seth ground out, "Just four walls and a goddamn roof."
"What am I supposed to do then?" Richard all but pouted, once again seemingly not catching on to his brother's foul mood. Seth turned away from the window to glare at him.
"How about you watch our hostages and help me make sure we don't get killed in our fucking sleep?" he snarled aggressively.
That finally seemed to give Richard a clue to back down for he simply sighed and nodded, silently pointing his gun at Reid and Hazel from then on. Even under stress, Reid couldn't help but automatically profile the brothers' dynamic, Seth's short, changing temper and Richard's obvious instability. All in all, not the best combination.
Hazel was still sobbing next to him and as much as Reid hated himself for it he really wished she would pull herself together already. He needed to think of a plan to get them out of this situation and he already had a hard time thinking with just his hurting head.
It was obvious he couldn't try and make a run for it.
The door was locked and one brother always had an eye on them. And he didn't doubt for one second that they wouldn't hesitate to shoot them if they tried to flee, not after what had happened in the bank. Plus, he wasn't sure if Hazel would be able to react fast enough if they were to try it.
He watched Richard pick on his taped hand with a grimace of pain, cursing under his breath. Seth noticed it as well because he walked over, his anger suddenly gone again. He knelt down in front of the chair as he inspected his brother's hand almost gingerly.
"How's it feel?" he asked quietly, not at all threatening or aggressive like before. Reid watched his transformation into a caring brother with utter surprise, watched his hard features soften, while Richard seemed accustomed to it.
"Hurts like hell," he muttered, letting Seth remove the tape layer by layer.
Seth inspected the wound for a moment before soaking a tissue with liquor from the mini bar and carefully wiping off most of the blood. Richard hissed at the sting but didn't pull away, waiting for the older man to finish.
After a moment, Seth got out the roll of duct tape and started wrapping the wound with it again.
"There, it was wrapped too tight, is all," he told Richard quietly as he got up, "We'll need to get a first aid kit or a doctor to look at that, but for now it should do."
They talked for another while, somewhat rushed and too low to understand them.
Finally, Seth seemed to think it was time to set the house rules. He let Richie be and pulled a chair in front of the couch, straddling it so his arms were lying on the backrest.
"Alright then. Let's cut to the chase," he began, all softness gone again.
He coldly fixated the mess that was Hazel, reading her name tag, "Hazel. My name is Seth, that's my brother Richie."
The girl stared up at him apprehensively.
"So Hazel, I have one simple question for you," Seth said, "Do you want to survive this?"
She nodded jerkily, makeup messily running down her flushed cheeks.
"Good," Seth continued coolly, taking no notice of her frazzled state, "You sit here nice and quiet, you don't cause us any trouble, you don't ask any questions and you'll get through this just fine, ok? You have my word."
He actually pulled up the corners of his mouth a little during that last part, and Hazel nodded hastily, never noticing that the smile didn't reach the man's eyes. Reid did though and he wondered if it was because he was lying or because he really was incapable of feeling empathy. Where they really going to let her go just like that? He highly doubted it, given their track record.
He started when Seth's dark eyes suddenly darted to his face, holding his gaze. He wasn't smiling anymore, just looking him up and down, making Reid nervous again about his immediate future. An image of Hotch's classic death glare shot through his mind but before he could make up his mind about how to act, Seth spoke.
"Dr. Spencer Reid, am I right? Youngest fed I ever did see I must say. How old are you?"
Reid hesitated slightly, surprised by the question. He couldn't be sure, but there seemed to be a hint of softness behind the coldness of those brown eyes. "I'm 24," he answered quietly.
Something passed over Seth's face at his quiet answer and Reid felt grateful that he had trusted his gut and gone with vulnerability instead of defiance or false bravery. He didn't dare hope it do be of much use in the long run but maybe Seth's question meant he had been hesitant to kill them so far because of their young age? He dared look at Seth more directly, trying to maybe find a hint of emotion on the man's face that would give him away.
Just in that second though, Richard Gecko shifted nervously behind them and Seth straigthened up almost startled, his expression darkening quickly.
"Alright then, Spencer Reid," he said coolly, "You're alive for now and if you'd like it to stay that way I suggest you do excately what I say when I say it. Got it?"
He nodded, seemingly taking Reid's silence as a yes. "Great, because I could do with some answers."
He leaned in closer as he fixated the young man, "Tell me about your investigation. What does the FBI know about us?"
Reid swallowed nervously under the man's intent gaze, feeling his stomach clench. So this was why he was still alive. Reid bit his lip, already dreading the reaction to his response. He gave it anyway, simply because it was what any agent would do.
"Nothing really," he explained truthfully, "We didn't have much of a lead-"
The rest of the sentence got caught in his throat when Seth's eyes suddenly flashed angrily, just before he raised his gun and pressed it to Hazel's temple, pulling back the hammer.
She squeaked and pressed her eyes shut while Reid watched in horror. So much for hope. He had expected to be hit again, but not this. In just one second, all hopes of their captor possibly having scruples vanished from his mind, one look into Seth's face telling him that he was dead serious. He would kill her and it would be Reid's fault.
"One more thing I forgot that is crucial for your survival, Hazel," Seth hissed, voice cold as ice, "And that is Dr. Reid's full cooperation. You'll have nothing to worry about as long as he isn't stupid enough to try and bullshit me."
He looked at Reid's pale face, one eyebrow arched impatiently.
"So what's it gonna be? Do I have to shoot the girl and find some tooth picks to shove under your fingernails or can we come to an agreement? And I should warn you, I'm not a very patient man."
When Reid didn't answer immediately, Seth pulled Hazel's hair harshly and started counting, "1…2…"
His finger tightened on the trigger.
"Alright! Please don't hurt her!" Reid blurted out in near panic.
He took a shaky breath, trying to steady his nerves while Seth let go of Hazel. He felt incredibly stupid for being surprised by Seth's sociopathic behavior but he also knew he couldn't do this. He couldn't sit here and risk her death just because Gideon or some textbook would call getting a criminal's respect the best approach. Seth wouldn't go for that anyway, he could already tell, he just wanted compliance or he would snap faster than he could say 'Im not lying.'
Shame at his own weakness burned his cheeks as he closed his eyes and started reciting everything he remembered about the UnSubs.
"You're Seth J. Gecko, 31 years old, born on May 6th, 1973 in Lexington, Kentucky. Previously arrested for small scale thefts and extortion, later escalating into several bank robberies and abductions. Arrested in 2001 after a bank robbery during which two police officers lost their lives and since being held in the Rolling's Kansas State Penitentiary. Likely dominant partner in the dynamic of a killer duo, suspected of having shot several of the victims in this case, likely psychopathic tendencies."
He took a deep breath and kept on talking when no one said anything, knowing he wouldn't be able to do this later:
"Richard B. Gecko, age 29. Also born in Lexington, Kentucky on April 17th in 1975. Early history of mental instability and violence. We have evidence of you stabbing several of the victims. Previously arrested for armed robbery and…", he hesitated, somehow unable to get the words sexual crimes out with Hazel sitting right there.
Instead he replaced it with, "…and it's true that we do not know much about your plans. We merely searched as many villages and houses as possible without success. Until this morning we thought you had completely disappeared. Meeting you at that bank was completely unexpected, I swear."
Then he fell silent, praying that it would be enough.
Seth eyed him a little skeptically, be it because of having his own biography quite obviously recited or because he had noticed the short pause in Reid's speech. The cold fury from his gaze had faded quickly though and to Reid's great relief he lowered the gun unceremoniously.
"See, that wasn't so hard, was it?", he then asked almost amiably.
Most of his threatening posture was gone by now and Reid breathed an inaudible sigh of relief. It seemed like it would be the best strategy not to talk back to him or provoke him in the future. He obviously was most reasonable when he thought himself in control and the stupidest thing to do would be underestimating the instability of the man's temper.
Reid nodded silently and Seth did the same in satisfaction.
"Alright then. We'll continue this in the morning. For now you two stay here and don't cause us any trouble," he concluded, getting up and walking away.
Reid sat still for another minute, paralized as he tried to calm his inner turmoil. Staring at his sweaty palms he tried to make sense of what was happening here. He'd told them what he knew and they obviously did not have any scruples when it came to murder. So why was he still alive?
What else did they want? What else did he have to give? He didn't dare ask though; he had a feeling he would find out soon enough.
They were allowed to use the bathroom separately and clean up as best as they could. The door was barely closed when he started searching for something he could have used as a weapon. There was nothing but soap and towels though.
Disappointedly, he then tried to clean up some. He didn't even try cleaning his wound with his hands bound like they were; he merely wiped away some of the blood that had dried on his face and neck. Hazel went in after him and when she came back her face was a little less messy-looking.
With that out of the way, Seth folded out the couch, told Reid and Hazel it would be their bed for the night and tossed them some blankets. He and Richie got ready to go to sleep in the adjourning room, talking quietly among themselves. Hazel lied down, curling in on herself immediately and Reid slowly followed suit. With the door locked and the key safely in Seth's pocket, he would have to wait till morning to do anything.
When he was sure that their kidnappers were preoccupied with themselves, Reid took the chance to turn towards Hazel who looked just as awful as he felt. The incident with the gun still had her shaking all over.
"Don't worry," he tried his best comforting smile, "It's going to be alright."
She looked at him out of big brown eyes, still scared out of her mind but unable to answer due to the tape covering her mouth.
"My team is going to find us," Reid continued in a hushed voice, trying to give her at least some hope. He wasn't sure how much he believed in his own words but that was no big surprise. He knew the brothers' MO, Hazel didn't.
If the team didn't do something very soon or if he didn't come up with some sort of miracle…he didn't even want to think about it. And he didn't want her thinking about it either.
"Just trust me, okay?" Reid gingerly touched the back of her hand with his for a moment, "You'll get out of this, I promise."
It took a moment but then she lightly squeezed his hand, nodding minimally.
Reid was about to say something else when the door to the bedroom suddenly opened and Seth strode towards the couch with a dark expression. Alarmed, Reid quickly sat up and moved in front of Hazel who cringed and backed away from him as far as she could.
But Seth didn't pay any attention to her. He grabbed Reid by the shirt and pulled him forward impatiently. Before Reid could say or do anything, a handkerchief was shoved into his mouth and tied behind his head.
When he was done, Seth caught him under the chin, pulling his face up so that their eyes met. Reid's heart missed a beat as he stared into the man's face apprehensively, acutely aware of how close it suddenly was. Seth fixated him like he had in the desert for just a moment, raising goose bumbs on his skin. His grip wasn't painful but firm enough to get his attention.
"Last warning," he told him quietly, taking just a little too long to let go, "You'd better be quiet now or I'll have to come back out here."
With that he went back into the other room, leaving the muted hostages to their own thoughts and fears for the night.
It took a long time before Reids pulse went back to normal. About an hour later, Hazel finally drifted into an uneasy sleep, exhaustion and stress getting the best of her. Reid lied on his side wide awake, his eyes pinned at the ajar door and the light behind it. He knew it was impossible to not sleep at all and stupid on top of it if he wanted to be able to function at all tomorrow. Still, it was hard to just relax with two trigger happy maniacs in the next room.
He knew he wasn't nearly prepared for this. He had always been annoyed with the team for trying to protect him and keep him out of harm's way when it was his job as well as theirs, but he was beginning to see their point…he wasn't sure he had the skill or the guts to deal with this situation, the ability to manipulate these men into not harming them. How could he comfort Hazel when he was scared for his own life?
Eventually, instead of resting he listened to the quiet voices coming from next door, hoping to catch some useful information.
It didn't take long for him to grow first confused, then worried. If his ears weren't betraying him completely, the conversation was about vampires. Not metaphorical ones, not the ones seen in some movie - No. Real ones.
"So how the hell do you know they haven't found us yet?", Richard argued just then, only to be shushed by Seth.
"Because we aren't dead yet. If they knew where we were they would have busted in here come sundown and sucked us dry on the spot."
"But…" "No buts, Richie. We'll get the police off our case come morning and then we get out of this area. And if those goddamn monsters still find us somehow we'll drive a goddamn stake through each and every one of their black hearts."
The conversation quieted down then and soon the lights were turned off as well. Reid pondered the new information with growing unease.
What the hell had that been about? He didn't put it past Richard Gecko to have delusions with the way he had presented himself today, but Seth as well? That would mean the whole profile was off again, that they were deeply disturbed and mentally ill instead off ruthless killers. It didn't seem to make sense.
Wouldn't they have seen vampires all day long already if they were that paranoid? They had seemed normal, not even very jumpy. But then, it had been day…vampires only came out at night.
Unable to make sense of this new information, Reid decided to go over what else he had learned today in case he needed it later on. It was pretty obvious by now that Seth Gecko was the dominant partner in this dynamic. And while didn't strike Reid as particularly disturbed or mentally unstable, he was definitely ruthless and his short temper was truly frightening. That in combination with the case files he had seen would usually have been enough to not even let him hope but -there had been something about Seth's behavior.
He had let Reid live when Richard wanted to kill him, twice, he had spared Morgan when he didn't have to kill him and he had promised Hazel not to hurt her...plus, there had been the hesitance, the brief flashes of emotion he hadn't been able to place...
Reid sighed, exhausted. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was an important part to Seth Gecko's profile he was missing. Maybe...hopefully that was a good thing... If Seth was feeling something like a conscience...Richard looked to Seth for guidance and let himself be reigned in by him even during the worst rages. That meant that if he could get Seth to stop and see his errors, Richard might follow suit...
Somehow he didn't see that happening though despite all his clever theories.
He shook his head harshly. He mustn't try to make up the best scenario or tell himself these men were less dangerous than they actually were. After all, it was pretty obvious that both of them were dangerously unstable if not emotionally disturbed in their own way. That in combination with aggression…he didn't want to think about it.
All he could hope for was that the man actually believed in giving his word to someone, that his promise to at least leave Hazel alone if they played along hadn't been empty. His mind wandered off to all this crimes scene photos he'd seen. Pictures of young people like them who had been in exactly the same situation - only to be found brutally killed and with horror frozen on their dead faces later.
He couldn't help but doubt that Seth Gecko's word was worth all that much in the end.
xxx
"You had better be quiet now, or I'll have to come back out here."
With that, Seth quickly got up and walked away, then slammed the bedroom door shut behind him, cursing under his breath as he shrugged out of his suit jacket. What a mess…
Richard was sitting on the bed, looking up at him somewhat skeptically as he let himself fall onto the bed exhaustedly. For a moment he looked like he was going to say something, then though he merely focused on the TV again.
Seth was grateful for it. He was done for the day, all he wanted to do was sleep so he could stop thinking. He felt drawn from the day's stressful events and having to deal with both his brother and those fucking monsters tailing them all at once. At least they hadn't caught up with them yet -but now he had the police searching for them with renewed efforts after what had happened in the bank.
Seth stared at the ceiling blankly. He still didn't know what had possessed him taking that FBI agent along.
Well, he did know, he just couldn't believe the mess he was suddenly in. He never allowed emotions to guide his actions because it was deadly in their world, and he was usually so good at it. Today he had screwed up.
In a way, he was surprised Richard hadn't started asking him questions yet, seeing as his actions earlier had been completely out of character. They had a number of unspoken rules they lived by, rules that were there mostly to keep Richard from going berserk -but today he had broken them for a change.
Normally, both FBI agents would have ended up dead next to the security guard, simple as that. He'd been well in the process of getting that done, too -but then he'd made the mistake of looking into the younger man's face before shooting and it had been him.
The young man from the prison.
Seeing him again, despite having known he was affiliated with the FBI, had been completely unexpected, and it had momentarily thrown him off his game. He usually was rather good at shutting off his emotions during kills, to distance himself from the person or see them as deserving death. Naturally, thinking like that of civilians, of women and children was nearly impossible and it was part of the rules he'd set for himself to not harm those groups and to try, however seldom successful, to keep Richard from harming them, too.
In this case neither was involved and yet is hands had gone inexplicably weak, his focus being drawn to frightened hazel eyes and for a moment he had been sure he wouldn't be able to pull the trigger. If only the kid had looked more like a cop, more like he could actually defend himself…if only Seth hadn't spent the three nights prior thinking about…
Angry at himself, he'd tried to ignore those thoughts, focusing on the fact that he was a cop, an enemy. It had worked to a certain extent…until…
Until the boy said something, his voice the last puzzle piece needed for realization to hit him, paralyze him.
It was him.
All those years ago…the boy at the sanatorium...
That was why he had seemed familiar. Fucking hell…
He had thought it was his mind playing tricks on him at first, but with every second he kept staring at the young man's face it had become more and more obvious to him that he had to be right. It had been 14 years...but the age fit, the appearance, the peculiar way of speaking...and the eyes.
Those eyes. Either he was losing it now, his mind playing tricks on him, or those were the same eyes.
After that, it was like his body had acted on autopilot, completely ignoring his brain which was too busy with the onslaught of repressed memories and emotions it was suddenly subjected to anyway. Suddenly, he'd been unable to see anything but that little boy's face from his past when he looked at the agent, unable to help being reminded of everything that had happened that day, of how he had felt, of who he had been. There was a reason he usually repressed those memories: His hesitation to kill had suddenly turned into outright reluctance, a feeling he could neither rationalize nor shake off. It had felt like he was sixteen all over again, the gun suddenly heavy in his hand.
Problem was, Richard had had no clue what had happened; he had still been expecting him to kill their enemy and the situation had demanded it, too.
So, too conflicted to make a permanent decision, he had done the only other thing he could think of: He had taken the kid hostage as well, buying himself time to think.
Consequently, he now was in a world of trouble.
"Why don't we just kill him, Seth?"
Richard's voice suddenly broke through his thoughts, interrupting Seth's train of thought rather abruptly. His head snapped around to find his brother at looking him with the same expression of barley concealed skepticism as before. Richard shrugged, "I mean, we already have money and his team will work over time to find him, right? If we just kill them now, we'll be rid of the problem."
For a moment, Seth considered it. Let Richard take care of the problem without even bringing up the fact that he couldn't. Kill the kid and be over with it. The mental image of letting Richard walk out there and do just that in his usual violent, creative manner turned his stomach.
Careful to keep a blank face, Seth slowly turned his head away again. "No," his tone left no room for discussion, "No, were not gonna do that."
He was almost afraid his thoughts would show and prayed that Richie would just stop talking, go back to his usual indifferent passiveness and let Seth make the decisions for both of them without questioning them.
"Why not?"
Seth ground his teeth inaudibly. Apparently today wasn't his lucky day.
He sighed heavily, trying to remember how he had justified his insane decision to himself and then convert that into an argument that would work on his brother.
There was no way that he would tell him the real reason for his screw up, whatever it was, nostalgia or misplaced attraction or a mix of both. Because Richie, being Richie, was usually unstable even on the best of days and that naturally only got worse when Seth gave him the smallest bit of leeway, or failed to give him strict orders and guidance. And that was how people around them usually ended up mutilated or dead or both. No, he was the leader here, the strong one, he couldn't allow himself to be seen wavering.
No, the kid was alive for now and until he had figured out the truth, found out where he stood, what he would be capable of doing, he would pretend that everything was normal and act like he always did -because it was the only way of knowing for sure that his brother would react the way he always did.
"Think about it," he finally improvised, "with the money we'll get for him we won't ever have to look back. We can stay in Mexico for the rest of our lives. Plus," he grinned, adding an afterthought that he knew would help win Richard over, "if we pull this off just right, those fucking agents will never forget who outsmarted them."
He glanced sideways just in time to see Richie mirror his expression, his a little darker and less sane maybe.
"That does sound good, Seth," he mused, his eyes suddenly gleaming, "We should let them know that the fed is suffering more every minute they don't pay us. Then, when they can't look on any more and give us the money, we'll let them find his dead body."
Seth felt his mask slip a little at that mental image and hastily replaced his expression with a familiar frown that said, 'no-nonsense'.
"No. They won't give us the money unless he's alive."
Richard frowned, but gave in when Seth's expression grew irritated, "Huh, you're probably right. Doesn't mean we can't hurt him though, right?"
The last part he said in a tone that was sickeningly familiar and this time Seth couldn't help but openly glare, hoping Richard would interpret it as general anger about the suggestion.
"Richie, you know that's not how we do things. If you want us being back together to work out, you'll stick to my rules. We do what we have to in order to survive and be free. Nothing more. I keep fucking telling you: This isn't some game!"
At least for him it wasn't. Richard, as usual, didn't even seem to grasp what he was getting at, merely rolling his eyes in annoyance.
"Uhg, you and your moral code. I would have thought you'd gotten past that in prison. Fine, 'no unnecessary deaths, no mindless torture of innocents, blah, blah, blah'" He said it like it was a ridiculous imposition, only to immediately follow it with, "So ok, the girl may be innocent, but he is a cop. Your rules don't suddenly apply to cops now, do they?"
He looked at his older brother expectantly, almost hungrily and for a few seconds Seth just stared back, mind blank. No, they didn't apply to cops.
"He's not a real cop, you heard him," he finally said, trying to shrug the matter off, "He's just a kid, he's not gonna give us any trouble."
That should do for a reason, it was partially true and it fit into what Richie was used from him. For now, it would have to do -maybe in the morning he'd be able to sort this out.
In his mind, that was the end of the discussion, so he was almost surprised to hear Richard keep talking.
"But if he does?"
Clearly, he really didn't want to let this go. His brother was eyeing him without blinking, so obviously out for blood that for a moment Seth let himself feel some of his pent up anger and frustration. God damnit, they had only been reunited for three days and already he was starting to lose sight of his brother in the image of a bloodthirsty monster in front of him.
"Then we'll deal with it," he said decidedly, leaving no more room for discussion, "Let me handle him, Richie. Let me handle all of this. I'll get us into Mexico and away from all this shit. That's all that matters, everything else is just gravy."
He made himself smile, in the way he often had when they were younger and seldom did these days, in the way that said he would take care of their little family and that Richie needn't worry.
Thankfully, it worked.
Richard finally relented; he nodded slowly and then didn't ask any more questions about Reid. They briefly spoke about the vampires following them, but Seth also shot that conversation down in its roots, tired of talking.
He lay awake for a long time after Richard had finally turned off the TV and gone to sleep.
His thoughts were in turmoil, his chest full of emotions he usually kept well under wraps. He hadn't felt like himself for hours, but now in the silence it was getting worse.
He couldn't help but think about how he had acted towards the agent this evening, how for some reason he had wanted to try and be calmer, less aggressive than he ususally would have been, because the kid looked so distressed already. He knew he couldn't be doing that, under no circumstances, because this agent, no matter how little he looked like it was a trained agent of some sort -and he would try to work against him and get himself and the girl to safety for sure, just like he ahd already tried by denying any knowledge of their case.
Seth remembered how angry he had suddenly become, having been almost too caught up in frightened doe eyes to see the intention behind them. In retrospect, he might have overreacted a little to compensate for his mistake after that, going slightly overboard with the whole tooth-pick-finger-nail-thing. Still, better to be overly feared than giving the guy hope of manipulating his way out of this. now that he thought about it, he probably should have punched him or something the second he tried to play him, just to make their positions clear.
It was what he usually would have done. Problem was this...this situation was so confusing, upsetting...he didn't much feel like himself. He wanted to be himself, do what he always did…but he simply couldn't seem to in this situation and he was unwilling to ponder why that might be.
And to make things worse, memory flashes he had suppressed for over a decade had been hitting him full force all day, brought back by seeing this boy again. How he had felt back then, angry and scared and disgusted and powerless…almost ready to start hurting back a world that had done nothing but to him for 16 years, but not depraved enough yet to actually do it...
He had almost forgotten what it was like to feel anything other than anger, frustration and contempt.
Seth shook his head, angry at himself. The last thing he needed was to be reminded of how he had felt as a sixteen year old and to let any weakness shimmer through. Considering where they were at now, that could only lead into a catastrophe.
Luckily, he had always been good at compartmentalizing.
So he had met Spencer Reid once before. It had been in a different life, plus, he didn't actually know him. The memory that he had been holding on to for all these years wasn't that of the person he'd met, it was of how he had felt back then -it was just a symbol. He didn't matter anymore than any other hostage they'd ever had, he was just mixing up his emotions.
Yes, it had made him hesitate when he was supposed to kill him, and that had been fucking stupid -but what was done was done, he had to see this rationally.
He would do what he had to. Come morning he would have pulled himself together. He would handle this like any other time they'd taken hostages. Demanding ransom had initially just been his excuse to Richard, but the idea wasn't all bad, really. Why not? They could use the money.
Yes, they would try that way first -not because he couldn't kill the kid -just because it wasn't rational. And if later on it turned out he would have to kill him anyway -he would. Because he didn't care, because it didn't matter, because he wasn't weak.
He just had to internalize that so he wouldn't let his feelings screw with him again the next time he was faced with those big hazel eyes. And once he had, he would have to make sure the agent realized his position as well.
Yes, if he did it that way it would all work out.
Just like it always did.
xxx
Night had long fallen over Mexico but the BAU team wasn't sleeping and they all knew they weren't going to get any sleep in the next few days either.
They had gotten the shock of their lives that morning when the local police had informed them that there had been a bank robbery in which Morgan and Reid had been compromised. They had raced to the hospital, expecting the worst.
Initially, they had been relieved when they had been informed that neither agent had arrived there dead -but that relief had faded quickly faced with the prospect of Morgan being in critical condition and Reid not being there at all.
Now they were back at their temporary station, working like crazy and getting nowhere. There was no security camera footage, no trace of Reid or that female bank teller. He was just gone and not knowing was wearing all of the down.
"What if he's already dead?" Elle muttered, distraught, as she stared blankly at their profile, "Remember the hatred Gecko had for us? They would have shot him as soon as they didn't need him anymore."
Hotch shook his head, squeezing her shoulder, "We can't think like that. As long as we don't hear anything we have to keep searching."
He and Gideon exchanged a grim look over her shoulder. In truth, there was no way of not thinking the worst. After all, they knew who they were up against.
Who knew how much time they had before Reid would be beyond saving?