well fuck
today, i broke up with trista again. we started dating back last year in october more or less, and it feels like it has been rocky. some of the persistent problems are still there, but are slowly being corrected... but yet I find myself unable to hold on to it. like a candle that burns so soft that any whiff of air puts it out.
i don't really know if I want to be her man. I tried, and really, i think i failed. I failed because of so many reasons, and reasons she failed herself. i know i will feel different tomorrow, but right now i just feel sad, hurt and lame. i dont know what to think, i think that part of my problems lie that i know when i sober up i will want someone who puts as much energy in as I do...and that scares me that might not be her. mainly because i can't push, or so it felt, or my subtle ways left without delay.
my eyes are burning from crying alot this week
shitty birthday
dumped on deputy director crying went home, ara showed up, cleared the chest of grief, felt better, asked for my gf who didn't come again...fuck its been a shitty roller coaster up and down...
right now, I had a few drinks, a smoke, and just trying to make some sense of it all.
i don't really know if I want to be her man. I tried, and really, i think i failed. I failed because of so many reasons, and reasons she failed herself. i know i will feel different tomorrow, but right now i just feel sad, hurt and lame. i dont know what to think, i think that part of my problems lie that i know when i sober up i will want someone who puts as much energy in as I do...and that scares me that might not be her. mainly because i can't push, or so it felt, or my subtle ways left without delay.
my eyes are burning from crying alot this week
shitty birthday
dumped on deputy director crying went home, ara showed up, cleared the chest of grief, felt better, asked for my gf who didn't come again...fuck its been a shitty roller coaster up and down...
right now, I had a few drinks, a smoke, and just trying to make some sense of it all.