Fear of flying
Fear of Flying;
- Can you take me back to the person I used to be?
Back when you were there for me
I know it seems like forever
But do me this favor, please.
Way back when we were stupid
And held grudges just to help us sleep.
Oh my god, how ridiculous were we -
--
He stared at him, who laughed and chatted with the others, asking them questions about how their lives had been since the band broke up; he noticed how he hasn't changed one bit. The sunlight that grazed ever so lightly against his hair accented the chocolate brown locks; that laugh was still as shrill and lively as ever; his skin was still perfect, and his eyes still directed towards the future, with no intent of going back. He would have basked in the scenery that was in front of him longer, if it wasn't for that small fact in his brain that nagged him to just come out and say it.
How hard could it be?
And it's not like it would be weird; it would appear simply as two old friends catching up with each other. But Jonghyun still couldn't clear his mind of how pathetic it all seemed. But he needed him. He wanted to hold him in his arms again, to feel those lips against his once more. He missed waking up in the morning to the sound of that voice caressing his ear; he missed laughing around, and staring into those eyes, getting lost in them as time flew by. He missed their carefree days of SHINee. When he was finally alone, Jonghyun took the opportunity to approach him. Those eyes greeted him with a look that seemed to say
"you finally came"
Jonghyun smiled awkwardly, and the other merely laughed and reached out his hand to stroke Jonghyun's arm with feathery touches. It sent spasms towards Jonghyun's heart; it took an insurmountable amount of self control for him not to reach out and hold that perfect face in his hands. To not throw himself at him and just beg for him back.
"So how have you been?" his voice chimed out, ringing inside Jonghyun's head. That voice he held onto, the one he never wanted to forget.
"Fine." He lied through his teeth, never once breaking their eye contact.
Do you remember?
He wanted to ask. He wanted to see if he wasn't the only one who had been holding on this whole time.
Do you remember, way back then, when we were together? When we would laugh and joke around, get into silly fights, only to make up again later? Do you remember back when you made me whole? When you made me feel like my life was complete?
They used to be inseparable; You wouldn't find one without seeing the other. They were lovebirds. Ones who were naive at the time. Way back then, they were too scared to spread their wings and fly. They stayed rooted to the ground, afraid to make any unnecessary movements. They had convinced themselves that they were fine as they were. But when Jonghyun tried to make it more than it was, when he tried to venture out and explore what they had, he had turned him down and left. Jonghyun doesn't like to think that their break up caused SHINee's disbandment. But everyone else knows otherwise.
"How long has it been, six, seven, years?"
"You exaggerate. It's only been five." Jonghyun laughed.
There was an air of unspoken uncertainty about them; it floated about, taunting one of them to say something. Anything.
Jonghyun would open his mouth, only to find that his tongue had betrayed him by coiling up and hiding inside the depths of his mouth. The other would stare at him with eyes that seemed to be full of something; a code that Jonghyun couldn't decipher. He just couldn't understand as well as he used to.
"Well, I guess I'm gonna go now..." Kibum smiled and turned to leave, only to be stopped when Jonghyun uttered his name, to both of their surprise.
"Please don't go. Don't leave me again..." Jonghyun stated, not caring how pathetic or helpless he sounded anymore. What use was it to lie? He is pathetic and helpless without Kibum.
"J-jong, I can't. I can't stay. You know that." Kibum turned with an apologetic look in his eyes. He saw this was coming; he had built up his courage so he wouldn't crumble when it did. But his courage was slowly faltering, and he felt like he was going to fall away into pieces any time soon.
"Kibum!" Jonghyun's frame shook, but he managed to grab onto Kibum's hand before he left again. He wasn't going to let him go; no, not this time.
Kibum stopped as he felt that warmth between his fingers again. How perfectly their hands seemed to entwine against each other's. He had almost forgotten how whole it made him feel. It brought him back to memories of how they used to be. Kibum realized that he didn't want to let go after all. No, he couldn't let go.
He gripped the hand tighter against his, and Jonghyun's eyes widened as he understood the silent message that the mere action sent. He pulled Kibum in a tight embrace, and breathed in his scent. His brain registered that familiar aroma of strawberry and raspberries, and like before, it sent that sensation down his stomach, and made his legs feel like jelly.
"Let's spread our wings and fly together this time, Kibum." Jonghyun said with a smile, and Kibum nodded up at him with teary eyes.
--
So tease me once and I swear I'll forget
How it feels when you've got nothing left
We'll take it slow and only work at it sometimes