Tempus Fugit And That Was That
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Here is momentum. Here is Tabula Rasa.
Here is passage and transition and everything that sinks into the sands of time.
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Of course it has occurred to me to make that long overdue mixtape to mark the end of a decade, the beginning of another. I already had a working title for it, too. "Closing Cycles", I would have called it.
Of course it has occurred to me to scribble something, anything to commemorate the new year -- the songs that shaped oh-nine ( like the one I made a year ago for 2008), the films I saw, the people I met (The giant from Panama! Or that boy who could write backwards! Or cute little Travis who would surely grow up to be a rockstar!).
Of course I know this. The so-called new-year-post is age-old to journals. Here is momentum. Here is Tabula Rasa. Here is passage and transition and everything that sinks into the sands of time. But after the merrymaking of the First subsided, I think of yearning, of leaving and of how my unupdated resume sits at my dresser drawer gathering dust. I think of last year's disasters. That deluge still so evident in our apartment's swollen walls. I think of that Vampire Weekend song, "Here comes a feeling you thought you'd forgotten / Chairs to sit and sidewalks to walk on / ooh you had it but oh no you lost it / Looking back, you shouldn't have fought it". And then not much else.
I updated my FB account and said, "Good vibes, 2010!" The world should never know you are sad. But holding on to that thread of good cheer nonetheless. HOPE. Verb, noun and stick.
(Not that I smoke, but on my collegiate screening essay I mused that Hope is a pack of cigarettes.)
For the first time in a long time I went for a job interview with this hope. I respond readily to abruptness, and the call had been abrupt. I was sick and was coincidentally on leave. LET ME TELL YOU THIS, the moment I sat down to take the writer's test I knew that I would NOT take this job. Dear Lord, I just want to do something I believe in and get paid (reasonably) for it! Not some pseudo-writing job creating droll web content for home exterior services under the guise of 'Creative Writer'. So much for today's pack of Hope. Tomorrow I go back to process quality and proofreading those run guides.
And this is how the year starts. The decade begins with a tiger. I think of learning to grow accustomed to courting this cat. And not much else.
First, consider kinship.
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To you who endured this entry 'til the very end I say, pardon me for being such a whiny bitch on an emo spree.: