(no subject)

[polarisenvy]

i find myself fascinated
with my own mortality lately
i think about crashing into various things
with my car
and seeing what it would sound like
i crave the sound of something ending
of collision

i find myself fascinated
with the idea of rebirth
if i could set myself on fire
and rise from my own remains
i wonder what i would look like
would i be better
or would i be less than i was

i find myself fascinated
by the past
i am in love with my mistakes
i want to revel in them
i want to roll around in my past
and wrap it around me like a blanket

i find myself fascinated
with the sound of constant silence
the isolation of my own life
is the only comforting sound
to my tired ears
and the ringing in them
from the buzz of unimportant peers

i find myself fascinated
with deprivation
starvation
isolation
creation
destruction
reconstruction
nature
nurture
echoes
silence
shadows
sunlight
darkness
death
denial
descent
dissent
dissonance
deviance
devils
angels
allowance
anorexia
aching
ascension

i find myself fascinated
that nothing fascinates me anymore
and everything is disappointing
and plain