On marriage
Someone who has never been married may seem to be a weird source of advice about getting married, but maybe I've got something to contribute.
Someone just asked me why I never got married. I said, "You know, I've never met anyone I would have wanted to marry to genuinely liked me. And the men I've known who liked me weren't the marrying kind -- e.g., one was gay -- or else I really couldn't have taken a week with them, let alone a lifetime." On the other hand, though, I've also never been divorced, never had the need for or thought of it, and never ended up trapped in a relationship with a violent partner.
So here's the advice:
If you're planning to marry somebody, ask yourself, Do I like him/her? Do I really like him/her? And he/she should ask him/herself the same thing about you. If the answer is "No" for either of you, forget it. Being in love lasts a few weeks or months. But being in like is what it takes for a relationship to last a lifetime. If the two of you aren't in like with each other, it can't be much of a marriage.
We toss the word "love" around so frequently and easily that asking whether X is in love with Y is not all the useful in prenuptial or marriage counseling. Go for whether X is in like with Y, instead. Works every time.
Someone just asked me why I never got married. I said, "You know, I've never met anyone I would have wanted to marry to genuinely liked me. And the men I've known who liked me weren't the marrying kind -- e.g., one was gay -- or else I really couldn't have taken a week with them, let alone a lifetime." On the other hand, though, I've also never been divorced, never had the need for or thought of it, and never ended up trapped in a relationship with a violent partner.
So here's the advice:
If you're planning to marry somebody, ask yourself, Do I like him/her? Do I really like him/her? And he/she should ask him/herself the same thing about you. If the answer is "No" for either of you, forget it. Being in love lasts a few weeks or months. But being in like is what it takes for a relationship to last a lifetime. If the two of you aren't in like with each other, it can't be much of a marriage.
We toss the word "love" around so frequently and easily that asking whether X is in love with Y is not all the useful in prenuptial or marriage counseling. Go for whether X is in like with Y, instead. Works every time.