Great Cthulhu leads the way to Mars!
I got to listening once more to C. W. McCall's "Convoy":
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWO_AIh8drk)
And I had a vision:
A long line of tin cans -- large, unmanned cargo capsules fitted with rockets and steered by computers -- led by several spacecraft with mixed crews (men and women both) intending to become settlers headed for Mars. Most of the cargo aboard those tin cans, packed in big air-mattresses and a lot of popcorn so they'd bounce when they hit and wouldn't be damaged in the process, would be dropped into the area where the new settlement was to be, and collected by the settlers once the latter were down. The remainder of the cargo aboard the tin cans would remain in them; the tin cans would then head for the asteroid belt to pick up one hell of a lot of rocks, which would then be milled into long rods, as in "Rods From God," using equipment still aboard the tin cans intended for just that purpose. If spacecraft sent by the United Nations came after the space convoy to try to prevent them from settling on Mars -- call them "space bears" -- some of the settlers, who would rotate among the tin cans and the settlement, would use railguns that had also been put aboard the tin cans to shoot those space bears down with Rods From God.
Of course, with a convoy that legendary and puissant, names for the craft such as "Rubber Duck" and "Pig Pen" just wouldn't do. And so I saw them, complete with the proper icons glued to the front of their craft (purchased ahead of time from the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, of course), calling back and forth to one another via intra-convoy radio:
(C.W. McCall, B. Fries, C. Davis, and Yael Dragwyla, so sue me!)
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker one-nine, this here's Great Cthulhu. You gotta copy on me, Shub Niggurath, c'mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Shub Niggurath, fer shure, fer shure. By golly, it's clean clear to Flag Town, c'mon. Yeah, that's a big 10-4 there, Shub Niggurath, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy...
Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth haulin' logs
Cab-over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs.
We is headin' for space outta Vandenberg
Two hunert miles outta Shaky Town
I says, "Shub Niggurath, this here's Great Cthulhu.
"And I'm about to put the hammer down."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a little convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a little convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker, Shub Niggurath, this here's the Squid. And, you wanna back off them hogs? Yeah, 10-4, 'bout five mile or so. Ten, roger. The noise from them hogs is gettin' in-tense up here.
By the time we got halfway to Mars,
We had eighty-five cans in all.
But there was a roadblock behind us on Luna,
And space bears wall-to-wall (rots a' ruck!).
Yeah, them smokies was thick as bugs on a bumper;
They a hunnert bears in the air!
I says, "Callin' all cans, this here's the Squid.
"We about to go a-huntin' bear."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a great big convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that, Shub Niggurath? Negatory, Shub Niggurath; you're still too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin' to close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten.
Well, we rolled along our way to Mars
Like rocket sleds on rails.
We tore up all of our swindle sheets,
And left 'em settin' on the scales.
By the time we hit the three-quarter mark,
Them bears was a-gettin' smart:
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois National Guard (big deal!).
There was armored cars, and tanks, and jeeps,
And rigs of ev'ry size.
Yeah, them chicken coops was full'a bears
And choppers filled the skies.
Well, we shot the line and we went for broke
With a thousand screamin' cans
An' eleven long-haired Friends a' Jesus
In a chartreuse micra-can.
[On the CB]
Ah, Great Cthulhu to Yog-Sothoth, come over. Yeah, 10-4, Yog-Sothoth? Lissen, you wanna put that micra-can in behind that suicide jockey? Yeah, he's haulin' uranium for the reactors, and he needs all the help he can get.
Well, we laid a strip for Valles Marineris
And prepared to cross the line
I could see Phobos was lined with bears
But I didn't have a dog-goned dime.
I says, "Shub Niggurath, this here's Great Cthulhu.
"We just ain't a-gonna pay no toll."
So we crashed through Phobos doing nine-ninety-eight
I says "Let them tin cans roll, 10-4."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a mighty convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a mighty convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy! Ah, 10-4, Shub Niggurath, what's your twenty?
Convoy! YUGGOTH? Well, they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer shure. Well, mercy!
Convoy! sakes, good buddy, we gonna back on outta here, so keep the bugs off your glass and the bears off your...
Convoy! tail. We'll catch you on the flip-flop. This here's Great Cthulhu on the side.
Convoy! This is Big Mama Shub. Great Cthulhu, if you don't get your sorry ass up that road to Mars pronto, there will be repercussions! I've got all the kids with me and we haven't had time to stop at a Denny's, so get yourself down to Mars and get the kitchen set up, because we're a-comin' in NOW.
Convoy! Uh-oh -- sounds like trouble from Big Mama. We outta here! 'Bye,'bye.
(Be glad I didn't decide to add the entirety of "The Ballad of Astronaut Nell" here. Say thanks to Shub Niggurath for that.)
Click to view(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWO_AIh8drk)
And I had a vision:
A long line of tin cans -- large, unmanned cargo capsules fitted with rockets and steered by computers -- led by several spacecraft with mixed crews (men and women both) intending to become settlers headed for Mars. Most of the cargo aboard those tin cans, packed in big air-mattresses and a lot of popcorn so they'd bounce when they hit and wouldn't be damaged in the process, would be dropped into the area where the new settlement was to be, and collected by the settlers once the latter were down. The remainder of the cargo aboard the tin cans would remain in them; the tin cans would then head for the asteroid belt to pick up one hell of a lot of rocks, which would then be milled into long rods, as in "Rods From God," using equipment still aboard the tin cans intended for just that purpose. If spacecraft sent by the United Nations came after the space convoy to try to prevent them from settling on Mars -- call them "space bears" -- some of the settlers, who would rotate among the tin cans and the settlement, would use railguns that had also been put aboard the tin cans to shoot those space bears down with Rods From God.
Of course, with a convoy that legendary and puissant, names for the craft such as "Rubber Duck" and "Pig Pen" just wouldn't do. And so I saw them, complete with the proper icons glued to the front of their craft (purchased ahead of time from the H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society, of course), calling back and forth to one another via intra-convoy radio:
(C.W. McCall, B. Fries, C. Davis, and Yael Dragwyla, so sue me!)
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker one-nine, this here's Great Cthulhu. You gotta copy on me, Shub Niggurath, c'mon? Ah, yeah, 10-4, Shub Niggurath, fer shure, fer shure. By golly, it's clean clear to Flag Town, c'mon. Yeah, that's a big 10-4 there, Shub Niggurath, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy...
Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June
In a Kenworth haulin' logs
Cab-over Pete with a reefer on
And a Jimmy haulin' hogs.
We is headin' for space outta Vandenberg
Two hunert miles outta Shaky Town
I says, "Shub Niggurath, this here's Great Cthulhu.
"And I'm about to put the hammer down."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a little convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a little convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, breaker, Shub Niggurath, this here's the Squid. And, you wanna back off them hogs? Yeah, 10-4, 'bout five mile or so. Ten, roger. The noise from them hogs is gettin' in-tense up here.
By the time we got halfway to Mars,
We had eighty-five cans in all.
But there was a roadblock behind us on Luna,
And space bears wall-to-wall (rots a' ruck!).
Yeah, them smokies was thick as bugs on a bumper;
They a hunnert bears in the air!
I says, "Callin' all cans, this here's the Squid.
"We about to go a-huntin' bear."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a great big convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a great big convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy!
[On the CB]
Ah, you wanna give me a 10-9 on that, Shub Niggurath? Negatory, Shub Niggurath; you're still too close. Yeah, them hogs is startin' to close up my sinuses. Mercy sakes, you better back off another ten.
Well, we rolled along our way to Mars
Like rocket sleds on rails.
We tore up all of our swindle sheets,
And left 'em settin' on the scales.
By the time we hit the three-quarter mark,
Them bears was a-gettin' smart:
They'd brought up some reinforcements
From the Illinois National Guard (big deal!).
There was armored cars, and tanks, and jeeps,
And rigs of ev'ry size.
Yeah, them chicken coops was full'a bears
And choppers filled the skies.
Well, we shot the line and we went for broke
With a thousand screamin' cans
An' eleven long-haired Friends a' Jesus
In a chartreuse micra-can.
[On the CB]
Ah, Great Cthulhu to Yog-Sothoth, come over. Yeah, 10-4, Yog-Sothoth? Lissen, you wanna put that micra-can in behind that suicide jockey? Yeah, he's haulin' uranium for the reactors, and he needs all the help he can get.
Well, we laid a strip for Valles Marineris
And prepared to cross the line
I could see Phobos was lined with bears
But I didn't have a dog-goned dime.
I says, "Shub Niggurath, this here's Great Cthulhu.
"We just ain't a-gonna pay no toll."
So we crashed through Phobos doing nine-ninety-eight
I says "Let them tin cans roll, 10-4."
[Chorus]
'Cause we got a mighty convoy
Rockin' through the night.
Yeah, we got a mighty convoy,
Ain't she a beautiful sight?
Come on and join our convoy
Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way.
We gonna roll this truckin' convoy
Straight up from the U-S-A.
Convoy! Ah, 10-4, Shub Niggurath, what's your twenty?
Convoy! YUGGOTH? Well, they oughta know what to do with them hogs out there fer shure. Well, mercy!
Convoy! sakes, good buddy, we gonna back on outta here, so keep the bugs off your glass and the bears off your...
Convoy! tail. We'll catch you on the flip-flop. This here's Great Cthulhu on the side.
Convoy! This is Big Mama Shub. Great Cthulhu, if you don't get your sorry ass up that road to Mars pronto, there will be repercussions! I've got all the kids with me and we haven't had time to stop at a Denny's, so get yourself down to Mars and get the kitchen set up, because we're a-comin' in NOW.
Convoy! Uh-oh -- sounds like trouble from Big Mama. We outta here! 'Bye,'bye.
(Be glad I didn't decide to add the entirety of "The Ballad of Astronaut Nell" here. Say thanks to Shub Niggurath for that.)