Paleoirritants
This is getting very, very old: somebody somehow just tripped the building-wide smoke-alarm for the n-zillionth time. Give us all a heart-attack, will you? If they find you, they ought to charge you thousands of dollars to make up for the time the fire department has had to spend on checking out and dealing with this insanity, not to mention what you've put everyone in the building through, you bastard. On second thought, maybe hanging, drawing, and quartering would be just the ticket.