Since that one was so popular . . .
Back by popular demand!
'Memba these? Your parents sure do . . . (I should have posted these last months, but what the hey, better late than never, right?)
“Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School”
“Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School,” Marcia and Jon Pankake, A Prairie Home Companion Folk Song Book (New York: Viking, 1988), p. 100. The tune is that to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” Author’s comment: “This song was submitted with more variations than any other sent to the Department of Folk Song.” (In fact, it even has a complimentary version, that from the other side of the same endless school wars, “Mine Eyes Have Seen the Horror of the Ending of the Term,” to be sung by those who didn’t quite cut the academic mustard during the school year and are now facing June Doom in the form of report-cards or G.P.A. assessments. See ibid., p. 101.)
“Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher
We have broken every rule
We have marched into the office
And we killed the principal
The school is burning down!
Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I met her at the door with a loaded .44
The school is burning down!
We have barbecued the janitor
And hung the principal
We stabbed the secretary
And bombed the P.T.A.
We’re walkin’ down the hallways
Writing cusswords on the wall
The school is burning down!
Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hit her in the seater with a fifty-millimeter
And that teacher won’t teach no more!”
c. “From the Halls of School’s Dark Prison,” ibid., p. 99. The tune is that to “The Marine’s Hymn,” or, “From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli,” 1919, based on a theme from Offenbach’s Genevieve de Brabant, 1868.
From the halls of school’s dark prison
To the shores of Bubblegum Bay
We will fight our teachers’ battles
With spitballs, gum, and clay.
First to fight for right to recess
Then to keep our desks a mess
We are proud to claim the title
Of “Teacher’s Little Pests.”
d. “Deck the Halls,” ibid., p. 99. Tune is that of the traditional Christmas carol of the same name.
Deck the halls with gas-o-line,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Light a match and watch it gle-am,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Watch the school burn down to ashes,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Aren’t you glad you played with matches?
Fa la la la la la la la la!
e. “The Ants Go Marching,” sung to the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home” - a children’s song calculated to drive all adults in the area stark, staring mad when, after about ten verses, it is evident that the song never does have to end and the little darlings have lungs of steel and the will to keep on going unto infinity . . . Incidentally, this song was used to good effect in Steven Spielberg’s lovely movie, Antz.
Oh . . .
The ants go marching one by one,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching one by one,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching one by one,
The last one stops to shoot his gun,
Chorus: And they all go marching
Out the door, under the door,
Down the drain, into the rain!
The ants go marching two by two,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching two by two,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching two by two,
The last one stops to tie his shoe,
Chorus:
Verses may be constructed ad infinitum ad nauseam by varying the number of ants and rhyming what the last one does accordingly. The actions of that last damned ant may be clean, obscene, or whatever depending upon the taste (or lack thereof) of the singers. This one especially is guaranteed to drive one's parents absolutely batshit crazy, especially on a long drive from wherever to whatever.
'Memba these? Your parents sure do . . . (I should have posted these last months, but what the hey, better late than never, right?)
“Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School”
“Mine Eyes Have Seen the Glory of the Burning of the School,” Marcia and Jon Pankake, A Prairie Home Companion Folk Song Book (New York: Viking, 1988), p. 100. The tune is that to “The Battle Hymn of the Republic.” Author’s comment: “This song was submitted with more variations than any other sent to the Department of Folk Song.” (In fact, it even has a complimentary version, that from the other side of the same endless school wars, “Mine Eyes Have Seen the Horror of the Ending of the Term,” to be sung by those who didn’t quite cut the academic mustard during the school year and are now facing June Doom in the form of report-cards or G.P.A. assessments. See ibid., p. 101.)
“Mine eyes have seen the glory
Of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher
We have broken every rule
We have marched into the office
And we killed the principal
The school is burning down!
Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I met her at the door with a loaded .44
The school is burning down!
We have barbecued the janitor
And hung the principal
We stabbed the secretary
And bombed the P.T.A.
We’re walkin’ down the hallways
Writing cusswords on the wall
The school is burning down!
Chorus: Glory, glory, hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
I hit her in the seater with a fifty-millimeter
And that teacher won’t teach no more!”
c. “From the Halls of School’s Dark Prison,” ibid., p. 99. The tune is that to “The Marine’s Hymn,” or, “From the Halls of Montezuma to the Shores of Tripoli,” 1919, based on a theme from Offenbach’s Genevieve de Brabant, 1868.
From the halls of school’s dark prison
To the shores of Bubblegum Bay
We will fight our teachers’ battles
With spitballs, gum, and clay.
First to fight for right to recess
Then to keep our desks a mess
We are proud to claim the title
Of “Teacher’s Little Pests.”
d. “Deck the Halls,” ibid., p. 99. Tune is that of the traditional Christmas carol of the same name.
Deck the halls with gas-o-line,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Light a match and watch it gle-am,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Watch the school burn down to ashes,
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Aren’t you glad you played with matches?
Fa la la la la la la la la!
e. “The Ants Go Marching,” sung to the tune of “When Johnny Comes Marching Home” - a children’s song calculated to drive all adults in the area stark, staring mad when, after about ten verses, it is evident that the song never does have to end and the little darlings have lungs of steel and the will to keep on going unto infinity . . . Incidentally, this song was used to good effect in Steven Spielberg’s lovely movie, Antz.
Oh . . .
The ants go marching one by one,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching one by one,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching one by one,
The last one stops to shoot his gun,
Chorus: And they all go marching
Out the door, under the door,
Down the drain, into the rain!
The ants go marching two by two,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching two by two,
Hurrah, hurrah!
The ants go marching two by two,
The last one stops to tie his shoe,
Chorus:
Verses may be constructed ad infinitum ad nauseam by varying the number of ants and rhyming what the last one does accordingly. The actions of that last damned ant may be clean, obscene, or whatever depending upon the taste (or lack thereof) of the singers. This one especially is guaranteed to drive one's parents absolutely batshit crazy, especially on a long drive from wherever to whatever.