October 31, 2001
NOTE FROM CHRIS: In this day and age, when America is fighting a war against an unseen enemy, it's difficult for people to know just who the bad guys are. We here at TopFive decided to take a break from our usual duties as humor list writers in order to perform a public service by presenting this list of terrorist organizations that do not get the attention of the media the way Al Qaeda does...
The Top 20 Little-Known Terrorist Organizations
20> Al Quesadilla -- fighting for Mexican cheese appetizers
19> B.R.A. (Banana Republican Army) -- khaki-wearing freedom fighting yuppies
18> International House of Paramilitarism -- No attacks before breakfast!
17> Al Shamu -- whales fighting for liberation of their Seaworld-captive brethren
16> Ku Klutz Klan -- clumsy cross-burning rednecks
15> Kabob-aloos -- Cuban freedom fighters armed only with skewers
14> The IRAs -- little nebbish guys who annoy the hell out of people, with pants hiked high to conceal their Glocks
13> El McPherson -- band of crazed-from-hunger Supermodels
12> The Moulin Rouge -- French Communist song and dance troupe
11> The Spanish Imposition -- Your Tia Josephina comes for a visit, stays for a month, and lounges around all day watching Spanish soap operas with the TV volume blasting.
10> Al Kato -- freeloading houseguests who move in and eat all your food
9> The Talibananarama -- spreading the message of bad British'80s dance music
8> Hamina-hamina-hamas -- freedom fighters for Jackie Gleason
7> Balsamic Jihad -- fundamentalist food critics
6> "Weird Al" Qaeda -- attacking the capitalist, American government by spreading their revolutionary message in the form of a rousing polka medley
5> The Black Pansies -- black-gloved horticulturists
4> Yeehaw Jihad -- "The Cowboys of Chaos"
3> Al Ro'ker -- eighty percent chance of a Rain of Terror!
2> Falun Bong -- Uhm... hey, man, what are we fighting again?
and Topfive.com's Number 1 Little-Known Terrorist Organization...
1> Pujafudin-Pujafudout -- spreading the terror that is the Hokey Pokey
*snerk*
Plus, rumination of the day (classic)
Sometimes I'll think, "Is life worth living?"
and then I'll think, "Is death worth dying?"
and then I'll think, "Is cheese worth cheesing?"
and then I'll think, "Whew! I've had enough to drink!"
(R.M. Weiner)