Everything just gets so tangled.
I've gotten very nervous about this whole situation and it makes me want to go away. because I am not so sure that it is something I want to be involved in. but I know it's the right things to do, so it makes it even harder. and right now I'm all alone. someone should come find me. and I won't be back at school until tomorrow, and I miss wendy. so I think that she should come here. to spokane, and see me. and then she should live with me. because I'm bored, and I need someone to talk to me and make me laugh right now. so wendy you should come to spokane right now, or at least call. and I think it's really ridiculous that this is still going on. because I don't think that you would listen to a word I would say anyway. because I think that we want to be angry at eachother. even though I'm not really angry at all. I'm actually not really anything. I just feel apathetic. and I really hate that. because I should be caring about something. but sometimes I just get this way and want lay in bed and do nothing. and I think it's really shitty because you feel like you can give me all the advice in the world and hurt my feelings over and over again, and then when I don't want to put up with it anymore I'm the bad guy. and I think this isn't fair. and I think that a lot it really isn't any of your business. but I know that you care and whatever so you feel like it's your business. but I really feel like it's not. and it has nothing to do with you two hanging out. because really that's something that I try to get over and not care about. and it isn't easy, but I still try. what it has to do with is that you are mad at me for things that I cannot help. I can't change the way I feel. I can't make myself into something different. you of all people should realize this. because I feel like we think the same, and we feel the same way a lot of the time. and I just feel really stuck because you really are my best friend and I would still, at this point, do anything for you if you were to ask, but I'm also feeling mad about the whole thing. and I love you. and I don't have a friendship with anyone else like ours. but maybe things aren't salvageable. and if they aren't I think that I can be okay with that. eventually. because I do have other friends. and they aren't the same, but they're not bad. and I know that I'm fine. I'm just wondering if you really are. and the main thing is I just wish that we could talk to eachother. and I don't think that he should have to go jail, and that's what I'm having the hardest time with. that and police officers calling me. which I really don't like. and I feel like I couldn't help put him in jail. because I would feel bad about it forever. but shamra says it's the right thing to do. but I'm failing to see the rightness. all I can do is say what I saw. because really I think that he should just get some help. to make him the best person that he can be. and to help him get over things. and I'm really cold. and I don't feel very good. and I'm hungry. and I'm sick. and I wish that we could be friends sometime. and I wish that you had never do anything that you did. and it's really not about sides at all. it's really ridiculous.
HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin?: no
2. Ran away?:probably not
3. Pictured your crush naked?: probably
4. Skipped school?: yes
5. Broken someone's heart?: I can't really say yes or no to this.
6. Been in love?: I think so
7. Cried when someone died?: yes
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have?: I don't think so. you can't really say that you could never have a person.
9. Broken a bone?: Nope.
10. Done something embarrasing? at least once everyday.
11. Done a drug?: yes
12. Cried in school?: yes
WHICH IS BETTER...
13. Coke or Pepsi?: pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP?: 7UP
15. Girls or Guys?: hm...I enjoy the company of both. that's a hard decision.
16. Flowers or Candy?: candy, most definitely.
17. Scruff or Clean shaved?: clean shaved
18. Blondes or Brunettes?: I don't think it really matters.
19. Too Fat or Too Skinny?: it should be very obvious that I would be pick too skinny.
20. Tall or Short?: tallish
21. Pants or Shorts?: pants
22. Night or Day?: night
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first?: probably hair, which sounds lame, but I think it's the truth
24. Last person you slow danced with?: I actually have no idea
25. Last person you kissed?: John
THE LAST TIME YOU...
26. Showered: this morning
27. Stepped outside: about an hour ago
Questions 28 and 29 are missing: maybe maybe not
STUFF...
30. Your Good Luck Charm: I don't really have one.
31. Person You Hate Most: i don't know, I probably don't really hate anyone.
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: there are far too many good things that have happened to me. it would just be too hard to pick out the best.
33. On your desk: computer, pictures, lots of papers and books. that's about. I already started packing.
34. Picture on your desktop: a plant.
FAVORITES..
35. Color: green, or purple. or both.
36. Movie: Empire Records
37. Artist: musically I can never decide between the toadies and the smashing pumpkins. artistically I can find something I like in every work of art.
38. Cars: honestly, I have no idea.
39. Ice Cream: peanutbutter chocolate, or rockie road, or mint chocolate chip.
41. Breakfast Food: pancakes, and cinnamon rolls. in that order.
WHO...
42. Makes you laugh the most: everyone. I pretty much laugh at myself most of the time.
43. Makes you smile: hm...everyone.
44. Can make you feel better no matter what: well, when I'm really upset about something I always call my mom, john, kristen, the list goes on. there's really no specific order, it just depends on the situation.
45. Has A Crush On You: noone
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: everyone
47. Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: guys
48. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: you
DO YOU EVER...
49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: hm...
50. Save AIM conversations: nope
51. Save E-mails: yes
52. Forward secret E-mails:no
53. Wish you were someone else: well, just in the sense of "I wish that I could be doing that right now".
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: just to see what it would be like.
55. Wear perfume: not really
56. Kiss: yes
57. Cuddle: definitely.
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: nope
HAVE YOU EVER...
59. Fallen for your best friend?: I have to say no to that one
60. Made out with JUST a friend?: yes
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: yes
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?: nope.
63. Been rejected?: yes
64. Been in love?: I think so.
65. Been in lust?: obviously yes.
66. Used someone?: I hope not
67. Been used?: I really hope not.
68. Cheated on someone?: yes
69. Been cheated on?: I don't think so.
70. Been kissed? yeah
71. Done something you regret?: yeah, but it's okay. you learn from your mistakes.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You touched?: John
73. You talked to?: John
74. You hugged?: probably sham or jillian or kody.
75. You instant messaged?: I don't know
76. You kissed?: John
77. You yelled at?: hm...I don't know. I don't really yell.
78. You thought about?: stefanie, or grahm
79. Who text messaged you?: adrienne.
80. Who broke your heart?: nobody
DO YOU...
82. Color your hair?: when I get bored
83. Have tattoos?: yeah
84. Have piercings?: yeah
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yeah
86. Own a webcam?: nope
87. Own a thong?: nope
88. Ever get off the computer?: yeah
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: whatever
90. Habla espanol?: not very well.
91. Quack?: only when I'm tired.
HAVE YOU / DO YOU/ ARE YOU?
92. Stolen anything: yeah.
93. Smoke?: I have, but I don't and I'm not.
94. Schizophrenic: no
95. Obsessive?: probably
96. Compulsive?: definitely
97. Obsessive compulsive?: not really
98. Panic?: not really
99. Anxiety?: again I have to say no.
100. Depressed?: it just depends on what you consider depression really.
HAVE YOU EVER...
1. Kissed your cousin?: no
2. Ran away?:probably not
3. Pictured your crush naked?: probably
4. Skipped school?: yes
5. Broken someone's heart?: I can't really say yes or no to this.
6. Been in love?: I think so
7. Cried when someone died?: yes
8. Wanted someone you knew you couldn't have?: I don't think so. you can't really say that you could never have a person.
9. Broken a bone?: Nope.
10. Done something embarrasing? at least once everyday.
11. Done a drug?: yes
12. Cried in school?: yes
WHICH IS BETTER...
13. Coke or Pepsi?: pepsi
14. Sprite or 7UP?: 7UP
15. Girls or Guys?: hm...I enjoy the company of both. that's a hard decision.
16. Flowers or Candy?: candy, most definitely.
17. Scruff or Clean shaved?: clean shaved
18. Blondes or Brunettes?: I don't think it really matters.
19. Too Fat or Too Skinny?: it should be very obvious that I would be pick too skinny.
20. Tall or Short?: tallish
21. Pants or Shorts?: pants
22. Night or Day?: night
WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX...
23. What do you notice first?: probably hair, which sounds lame, but I think it's the truth
24. Last person you slow danced with?: I actually have no idea
25. Last person you kissed?: John
THE LAST TIME YOU...
26. Showered: this morning
27. Stepped outside: about an hour ago
Questions 28 and 29 are missing: maybe maybe not
STUFF...
30. Your Good Luck Charm: I don't really have one.
31. Person You Hate Most: i don't know, I probably don't really hate anyone.
32. Best Thing That Has Happened: there are far too many good things that have happened to me. it would just be too hard to pick out the best.
33. On your desk: computer, pictures, lots of papers and books. that's about. I already started packing.
34. Picture on your desktop: a plant.
FAVORITES..
35. Color: green, or purple. or both.
36. Movie: Empire Records
37. Artist: musically I can never decide between the toadies and the smashing pumpkins. artistically I can find something I like in every work of art.
38. Cars: honestly, I have no idea.
39. Ice Cream: peanutbutter chocolate, or rockie road, or mint chocolate chip.
41. Breakfast Food: pancakes, and cinnamon rolls. in that order.
WHO...
42. Makes you laugh the most: everyone. I pretty much laugh at myself most of the time.
43. Makes you smile: hm...everyone.
44. Can make you feel better no matter what: well, when I'm really upset about something I always call my mom, john, kristen, the list goes on. there's really no specific order, it just depends on the situation.
45. Has A Crush On You: noone
46. Do You Have A Crush On Someone: everyone
47. Who Has it easier? Girls or Guys?: guys
48. Gives you A Funny Feeling When You See Them: you
DO YOU EVER...
49. Sit by the phone waiting for a phone call all night: hm...
50. Save AIM conversations: nope
51. Save E-mails: yes
52. Forward secret E-mails:no
53. Wish you were someone else: well, just in the sense of "I wish that I could be doing that right now".
54. Wish you were a member of the opposite sex: just to see what it would be like.
55. Wear perfume: not really
56. Kiss: yes
57. Cuddle: definitely.
58. Go online for longer than eight hours at a time: nope
HAVE YOU EVER...
59. Fallen for your best friend?: I have to say no to that one
60. Made out with JUST a friend?: yes
61. Kissed two people in the same day?: yes
62. Had sex with two different people in the same day?: nope.
63. Been rejected?: yes
64. Been in love?: I think so.
65. Been in lust?: obviously yes.
66. Used someone?: I hope not
67. Been used?: I really hope not.
68. Cheated on someone?: yes
69. Been cheated on?: I don't think so.
70. Been kissed? yeah
71. Done something you regret?: yeah, but it's okay. you learn from your mistakes.
WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON...
72. You touched?: John
73. You talked to?: John
74. You hugged?: probably sham or jillian or kody.
75. You instant messaged?: I don't know
76. You kissed?: John
77. You yelled at?: hm...I don't know. I don't really yell.
78. You thought about?: stefanie, or grahm
79. Who text messaged you?: adrienne.
80. Who broke your heart?: nobody
DO YOU...
82. Color your hair?: when I get bored
83. Have tattoos?: yeah
84. Have piercings?: yeah
85. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: yeah
86. Own a webcam?: nope
87. Own a thong?: nope
88. Ever get off the computer?: yeah
89. Sprechen Sie Deutsch?: whatever
90. Habla espanol?: not very well.
91. Quack?: only when I'm tired.
HAVE YOU / DO YOU/ ARE YOU?
92. Stolen anything: yeah.
93. Smoke?: I have, but I don't and I'm not.
94. Schizophrenic: no
95. Obsessive?: probably
96. Compulsive?: definitely
97. Obsessive compulsive?: not really
98. Panic?: not really
99. Anxiety?: again I have to say no.
100. Depressed?: it just depends on what you consider depression really.