(no subject)
yesterday sucked. today was worse. i wish i didn't have these crazy little paranoias.there is always this shitty terrible thought that sits in the back of my mind and as soon as something triggers it,it takes over my hole head. i got so pissed yesterday night i was ready to kill people. i left work and ran a couple of laps around the block just to blow out some energy but it didn't work. i don't want to be that person anymore.and then today i was still bullshit all day. and tonight some kid said something to terry. keep in mind terry is my good buddy. i saw him get out of the car and i got so excited i jumped up and started over to the area of conflict . that would have been a good vent. but the kid got back in his car quick when terry got out of his.but enough of the bullshit in life . tomorrow i turn 18. i had plans made for me and crystal but that fell out do to a stupid fuckin work schedule. that made me pretty sad/pissed.every time we get a day or take a day to do something , something cause plans to cave in. i am the most un lucky person when it comes to that.i talked to my da for a long time last night. i got to say alot of things that needed to be said. and heard alot of things i needed to hear.but then i got pissed when i looked up and realized i was like an hour and a half late for my plans i had made. so i ran around all kinds of quick threw on some clothes looked totally stupid and went out.and i talked to crystal. it wasn't really a conversation but i got to say what i really wanted to at the moment. and it seems as though she understood me and really listened to me. and then she talked to me and i felt alot better.it gave me some reasurance. and she sounded sincere and acted it. which helped alot. i hate when people tell you what you want to hear just to shut you up. but i didn't get that vibe from her.anyway. i'm sitting home alone so i'm going to drink and watch tv. thank you terry for coming threw for me again yesterday . your contributions help hold me together at times.