(no subject)
I don't think I've ever sporked this one before? I've considered it on several occasions, but I haven't actually taken action until now.
Title: The Crystal in a Spring
Culprit Author's Name: Abloom
Canon: Games, I assume
Name: Ember
Species(es): Human?
Hair Color: Not mentioned
Eye Color: "Golden"
Markings: None mentioned
Possessions: A "laparas" egg
Pokemon Team: Charizard ("Topaz")
Origin: Um, well, Ember had to deliver a "laparas" egg to Bill. So she did. And it was love at first sight or something lame like that. Ember has two sisters named Marine and Sparks (lovely naming sense, no?),
Connections To Canon Characters: Bills TWU WUV (and apparently they later get married), Lance's daughter (I think??)
Special Abilities: Fire-dancing? Also Bill's Flareon sensed that Ember "had some ties to his element," whatever that means.
Notes: I am tempted to break out my Eevee Abuse icon, because it sure seems like these sisters are based upon the first three Eeveelutions.
Anyway, this is apparently the first fic in a trilogy, and it looks like each of the sisters gets paired up with someone in them. In this one, Ember gets Bill, and in the second, Marine gets Steven. (I may also spork the second one when it's completed.) The third one hasn't been started yet, but I'm sure it's not much better.
The writing isn't all that bad, really. What's sporkworthy is the whole love-at-first-sight thing, and Bill's characterization. The guy is supposed to be a quirky, introverted scientist - he's not just going to be like "OMG RANDOM GIRL I HUG J00." Bill is one of my favorite characters in the Pokemon games, so it breaks my heart to see his character depicted in such a way (MASAKI-SAAAAN~~~!!! ;___; <-- this is me). It's not SO bad though, I guess.
At least he isn't lusting over a Dragonite.
Samples:
Reality returned to its slightly normal state, although in this awkward moment, slightly normal wasn’t exactly best.
‘Maybe he’s the one…’ [*snort*]
“You know yourself that he’s not, anyway, it’s not like he would lo-…” [Um, of course he wouldn't, he just met you two minutes ago.]
Her face paled and suddenly gained color at an alarming rate, as she saw Bill’s face do the same. She turned her face away and went over to her fiery companion who was waiting for her.
‘Oh god, that time I said it out loud, didn’t I? Why me…why now? [Because it's a lame plot device!] And why him, wasn't he supposed to be an idiot or something of the sort? [...We're talking about the same Bill here, aren't we?] But why am I blushing? That is the ultimate sign of weakness, yes, that's exactly what Marine said a year ago when I saw her!’
She gingerly got out the egg, marveling at its beauty. The light azure color was decorated with faint grey marks, it was clearly ancient. [Huh?] And yet it still held a tiny laparas inside its hard shell, one of the last left of all of them in the Sevii Islands, its brothers, sisters, and parents probably already gone.
‘Ah, sisters, I know what they would say. Sparks would look at the egg for hours, and base its origin on some small detail, or a specific color. And Marine, yes, Marine would just sit in the corner and think about it, and when I asked her about it she would respond in a cryptic way. And the more I thought about her message, the wiser it became, and the more I learned. [Wait... so did that actually happen or something?] She was always special in a way, both were.’
Ember sighed and her eyes turned mournful. Her sisters always held a special place in her heart that was never filled by a friend. But at this time the spot was empty. Marine failed to show any emotion at all anymore, except for increasing pride and rage at her own stupidity and foolishness. All of her strength was put into stopping the activities of the Magma, Aqua, and Rocket teams with her father. Sparks spent her time with Team Aqua, betraying her sister and father. [Um, okay. Did these two paragraphs really have any bearing on this fic at all?]
She jumped a bit as she felt a hand on her shoulder, making her heartbeat increase ten-fold. But she smiled all the same as the man's flareon brushed against her shoulder.
As she set the egg down on the grass, it shook a bit before cracking open. Bill and Ember stared at it, their eyes lighting up, but all was soon dulled as a limp figure emerged from the egg. [Um, okay. If it was dead (which it obviously would be if it were indeed ancient), how did it manage to hatch out?] A tear fell from Ember's eye. [How dramatic.] The baby was dead, looking as if it was singed until the bitter end. [...?]
"This isn't right, something must have happened with the laparas that we don't know about. [It was "singed until the bitter end," maybe?] And it had to do with Team Magma." [And... how is this so obvious?]
Ember clenched her fist, but her body became softened as Bill pulled her close. [Yeah, okay, whatever. :/] She broke into a quiet sob. Thinking that he was making her uncomfortable, he started to go away, but a warm wrist touched his.
"Please...please stay."
Rating:
Title: The Crystal in a Spring
Culprit Author's Name: Abloom
Canon: Games, I assume
Name: Ember
Species(es): Human?
Hair Color: Not mentioned
Eye Color: "Golden"
Markings: None mentioned
Possessions: A "laparas" egg
Pokemon Team: Charizard ("Topaz")
Origin: Um, well, Ember had to deliver a "laparas" egg to Bill. So she did. And it was love at first sight or something lame like that. Ember has two sisters named Marine and Sparks (lovely naming sense, no?),
Connections To Canon Characters: Bills TWU WUV (and apparently they later get married), Lance's daughter (I think??)
Special Abilities: Fire-dancing? Also Bill's Flareon sensed that Ember "had some ties to his element," whatever that means.
Notes: I am tempted to break out my Eevee Abuse icon, because it sure seems like these sisters are based upon the first three Eeveelutions.
Anyway, this is apparently the first fic in a trilogy, and it looks like each of the sisters gets paired up with someone in them. In this one, Ember gets Bill, and in the second, Marine gets Steven. (I may also spork the second one when it's completed.) The third one hasn't been started yet, but I'm sure it's not much better.
The writing isn't all that bad, really. What's sporkworthy is the whole love-at-first-sight thing, and Bill's characterization. The guy is supposed to be a quirky, introverted scientist - he's not just going to be like "OMG RANDOM GIRL I HUG J00." Bill is one of my favorite characters in the Pokemon games, so it breaks my heart to see his character depicted in such a way (MASAKI-SAAAAN~~~!!! ;___; <-- this is me). It's not SO bad though, I guess.
At least he isn't lusting over a Dragonite.
Samples:
Reality returned to its slightly normal state, although in this awkward moment, slightly normal wasn’t exactly best.
‘Maybe he’s the one…’ [*snort*]
“You know yourself that he’s not, anyway, it’s not like he would lo-…” [Um, of course he wouldn't, he just met you two minutes ago.]
Her face paled and suddenly gained color at an alarming rate, as she saw Bill’s face do the same. She turned her face away and went over to her fiery companion who was waiting for her.
‘Oh god, that time I said it out loud, didn’t I? Why me…why now? [Because it's a lame plot device!] And why him, wasn't he supposed to be an idiot or something of the sort? [...We're talking about the same Bill here, aren't we?] But why am I blushing? That is the ultimate sign of weakness, yes, that's exactly what Marine said a year ago when I saw her!’
She gingerly got out the egg, marveling at its beauty. The light azure color was decorated with faint grey marks, it was clearly ancient. [Huh?] And yet it still held a tiny laparas inside its hard shell, one of the last left of all of them in the Sevii Islands, its brothers, sisters, and parents probably already gone.
‘Ah, sisters, I know what they would say. Sparks would look at the egg for hours, and base its origin on some small detail, or a specific color. And Marine, yes, Marine would just sit in the corner and think about it, and when I asked her about it she would respond in a cryptic way. And the more I thought about her message, the wiser it became, and the more I learned. [Wait... so did that actually happen or something?] She was always special in a way, both were.’
Ember sighed and her eyes turned mournful. Her sisters always held a special place in her heart that was never filled by a friend. But at this time the spot was empty. Marine failed to show any emotion at all anymore, except for increasing pride and rage at her own stupidity and foolishness. All of her strength was put into stopping the activities of the Magma, Aqua, and Rocket teams with her father. Sparks spent her time with Team Aqua, betraying her sister and father. [Um, okay. Did these two paragraphs really have any bearing on this fic at all?]
She jumped a bit as she felt a hand on her shoulder, making her heartbeat increase ten-fold. But she smiled all the same as the man's flareon brushed against her shoulder.
As she set the egg down on the grass, it shook a bit before cracking open. Bill and Ember stared at it, their eyes lighting up, but all was soon dulled as a limp figure emerged from the egg. [Um, okay. If it was dead (which it obviously would be if it were indeed ancient), how did it manage to hatch out?] A tear fell from Ember's eye. [How dramatic.] The baby was dead, looking as if it was singed until the bitter end. [...?]
"This isn't right, something must have happened with the laparas that we don't know about. [It was "singed until the bitter end," maybe?] And it had to do with Team Magma." [And... how is this so obvious?]
Ember clenched her fist, but her body became softened as Bill pulled her close. [Yeah, okay, whatever. :/] She broke into a quiet sob. Thinking that he was making her uncomfortable, he started to go away, but a warm wrist touched his.
"Please...please stay."
Rating: