i am at peace
Ok. That title can be a bit misleading. No, I have not found Jesus, nor am I the newest born-again Christian this side of the Harlem River. Not that there's anything wrong with that....
I am just happy with myself. I have come to accept my life as it is. No regrets.
I wish I could find something inspiring, or even entertaining to put down here. But you know what? This is my space and I don't feel like pleasing anyone else. I just want to write what I'm feeling.
Lots and lots in my mind. Let's start with how I've changed.
1. I noticed that politics is quite an interesting subject. I never realized how much of a liberal I am. No, that's not true. I always knew it in my heart. I guess I was just a bit afraid to speak my mind at certain times. I always thought that my parents were more conservative than they really are. I never gave them a chance to express their liberal views, really. But then today, I told my dad that I found the FMA disgusting. I could not believe my ears when he told me that he agreed. I mean, this came from the man who's always shown a bit of a homophobic side (not really in a bad way, just in an ignorant manner). It made me proud... and I secretly wanted to hug him. Really hard.
2. I have matured. Why????? I actually have a job and pay bills and keep records of my finances. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but I didn't think it would come this fast. Now my dad is going to sell the house. Which means... no more smooching off of the parents anymore. When they move to, well, wherever the heck they're moving, there will most likely NOT be a room for me there. I will have to find my own home and be totally on my own by this time next year. It really scares me. But I am also soooo excited. Maybe I AM a responsible being, after all. Well, not yet, but one day.
3. I have not matured that much. Really. Jora, Anna, and Marge are witnesses to my daily childish antics. We were actually thinking of celebrating our fifth birthdays the other day. But I am sooooo happy that I get to be this immature and no one cares. I mean, I never got to be the annoying kid. I grew up too quickly, became too serious, too fast. I am sure glad that I found great friends who are willing to help me stay young for quite a while (maybe forever, who knows).
The list thing is getting really annoying.
What else can I rant about? Ohh, of course, how could I forget. My love life. Or lack thereof.
Like everything, it gets hard sometimes. I am secretly really emotional. I love to be in love. But I have found that it's really hard for me to verbally or even physically express any emotions. Ahhh, I'm like an ice queen. It's all the freaking fear of rejection. I've had my heart broken so many times now that it's not even worth it to risk it all again. But like I said before, I'm fine now. I mean, it'd be great to have someone to call my partner, but it seems like no matter what I do, it doesn't happen. Eh, whatever. I am stronger on my own. And I like being a single entity for the moment. My name isn't attached to some guy's. I like that.
ahhhh. don't know what else to write about. I miss school. I miss my dysfunctional lesbian (and non-lesbian) mommies. I miss Marge. I miss Amcaf. I miss having a high tolerance for alcohol. I miss rugby. I miss insulting the jocks and the football sluts. I miss Carman pre-gaming. I miss my John Jay single, which I will NEVER EVER have again. I miss freshman year.
This year, I'm going to have to be good though. Well, better. In the academics department.
Long-ass entry. To summarize, this is what I hope to do in life:
Change the world...but not myself.
Oh man, that was corny.
I am just happy with myself. I have come to accept my life as it is. No regrets.
I wish I could find something inspiring, or even entertaining to put down here. But you know what? This is my space and I don't feel like pleasing anyone else. I just want to write what I'm feeling.
Lots and lots in my mind. Let's start with how I've changed.
1. I noticed that politics is quite an interesting subject. I never realized how much of a liberal I am. No, that's not true. I always knew it in my heart. I guess I was just a bit afraid to speak my mind at certain times. I always thought that my parents were more conservative than they really are. I never gave them a chance to express their liberal views, really. But then today, I told my dad that I found the FMA disgusting. I could not believe my ears when he told me that he agreed. I mean, this came from the man who's always shown a bit of a homophobic side (not really in a bad way, just in an ignorant manner). It made me proud... and I secretly wanted to hug him. Really hard.
2. I have matured. Why????? I actually have a job and pay bills and keep records of my finances. I knew it was bound to happen sooner or later, but I didn't think it would come this fast. Now my dad is going to sell the house. Which means... no more smooching off of the parents anymore. When they move to, well, wherever the heck they're moving, there will most likely NOT be a room for me there. I will have to find my own home and be totally on my own by this time next year. It really scares me. But I am also soooo excited. Maybe I AM a responsible being, after all. Well, not yet, but one day.
3. I have not matured that much. Really. Jora, Anna, and Marge are witnesses to my daily childish antics. We were actually thinking of celebrating our fifth birthdays the other day. But I am sooooo happy that I get to be this immature and no one cares. I mean, I never got to be the annoying kid. I grew up too quickly, became too serious, too fast. I am sure glad that I found great friends who are willing to help me stay young for quite a while (maybe forever, who knows).
The list thing is getting really annoying.
What else can I rant about? Ohh, of course, how could I forget. My love life. Or lack thereof.
Like everything, it gets hard sometimes. I am secretly really emotional. I love to be in love. But I have found that it's really hard for me to verbally or even physically express any emotions. Ahhh, I'm like an ice queen. It's all the freaking fear of rejection. I've had my heart broken so many times now that it's not even worth it to risk it all again. But like I said before, I'm fine now. I mean, it'd be great to have someone to call my partner, but it seems like no matter what I do, it doesn't happen. Eh, whatever. I am stronger on my own. And I like being a single entity for the moment. My name isn't attached to some guy's. I like that.
ahhhh. don't know what else to write about. I miss school. I miss my dysfunctional lesbian (and non-lesbian) mommies. I miss Marge. I miss Amcaf. I miss having a high tolerance for alcohol. I miss rugby. I miss insulting the jocks and the football sluts. I miss Carman pre-gaming. I miss my John Jay single, which I will NEVER EVER have again. I miss freshman year.
This year, I'm going to have to be good though. Well, better. In the academics department.
Long-ass entry. To summarize, this is what I hope to do in life:
Change the world...but not myself.
Oh man, that was corny.