Coffee.
So I've decided to step up my late night coffee drinking in the hopes that I'll either accomplish having such poor sleep that I won't dream at all or change my brain chemistry enough to have actual proper dreams and nightmares not just the crappy, lame, upsetting ones I've been having. Last night I dreamt about sleeping next to him. Yeah stupid boring dream. I was dreaming about sleeping only it was very upsetting to when I woke up and I was neither at his house nor waking up next to him. Yesterday I dreamt about making him coffee while he was doing homework. The night before I was doing his dishes, folding his laundry, sweeping his floor. All very boring, somehow rediculasly demestic and well stupidly upsetting. So yeah wishing to go back to dying in horrible accidents now. I know that sounds bad but whatever. I'm tired of my subconscious torturing me over a boy who doesn't want me. I want to be more over it instead of crying over the things I'll never do with him every morning. It's not fair. I've been tearing myself to pieces over this for three weeks while he forgets about me hours after I'm gone. Oh well only 68 more days until this incarnation of me in completely torn to pieces and I can start rebuilding.