Hyphenations
The other day in Anthro class, we were discussing hyphenated identities after a reading. The professor asked us what we thought about that subject, and if we had any experiences to share. She didn't point out anyone to answer, but I, being one of about five people of an obvious ethnic minority of a class of twenty, felt I was being prompted to talk. ...But I didn't. I can never figure out how to make my personal stories or thoughts relevant to the subject at hand, and thus I've stayed silent in all of my classes. I really need to learn to stop being afraid, or how to make things relevant. Anyway, this is the story that was on the tip of my tongue - maybe writing it down will help me figure out how to defeat my fear of talking in class.
In high school, we were having a party in class - maybe it was the end of the year, maybe it was just Party Day; I can't remember. Some people brought in DDR and others were dancing on it: showing off their moves on the hardest setting on the trickiest songs, etc. I was off in a corner with one of my friends and a couple of the guys who sat near us, watching. "Hey come on, you should try it," they said. "Oh, no - I've never done it before," I said, shrugging it off; in my head, I added Never tried it before, don't want to look stupid, I'm sure I'd be terrible at it. (There it is, the "I don't want to be a fool" pattern again! This is a theme of my life; almost a running joke, I'd say.)
To this attempt at deflection, they replied, "But you're Asian. Of course you'd be good at it."
Which kind of. Stunned me! Their logic must have been DDR made in Asia -> Asian people are really good at it -> I am Asian -> A is to B and B is to C, therefore I must be secretly good at DDR. Was this skill at a dancing video game supposed to be in my genes or something?! But the thing is, I'm third or fourth generation (I can't remember if first generation is the one born in America), I don't speak the language, I don't know the customs, I don't know the history of China - I identify more with the -American side than the Chinese- one. "Chinese-American" is mostly used to distinguish myself from the idea that Americans are of European descent. But it's really kind of - I don't know. I feel much more like an 'American' even though people seem to interpret otherwise. It's like being American is a secret, second identity to the ethnic one, though sometimes people can't even tell that. (See: people in Montpellier and Istanbul markets calling out "Konnichiwa!" to catch my attention.)
Of course, the people in my class had no idea of anything I just detailed above, and it's likely they were only jesting (these are the people who once tried to snort hot chocolate powder - it's not a good idea, guys), but it's one of those incidents that's stuck with me over the years. ...And now that I look at it, it's not at all the way I would have related it orally.
I bought another poster yesterday. Reflections of Elephants, by Dali. I like his stuff... and this one didn't make my skin itch the way some of the other paintings do. Now there's only one large white space on my wall to cover up.
In high school, we were having a party in class - maybe it was the end of the year, maybe it was just Party Day; I can't remember. Some people brought in DDR and others were dancing on it: showing off their moves on the hardest setting on the trickiest songs, etc. I was off in a corner with one of my friends and a couple of the guys who sat near us, watching. "Hey come on, you should try it," they said. "Oh, no - I've never done it before," I said, shrugging it off; in my head, I added Never tried it before, don't want to look stupid, I'm sure I'd be terrible at it. (There it is, the "I don't want to be a fool" pattern again! This is a theme of my life; almost a running joke, I'd say.)
To this attempt at deflection, they replied, "But you're Asian. Of course you'd be good at it."
Which kind of. Stunned me! Their logic must have been DDR made in Asia -> Asian people are really good at it -> I am Asian -> A is to B and B is to C, therefore I must be secretly good at DDR. Was this skill at a dancing video game supposed to be in my genes or something?! But the thing is, I'm third or fourth generation (I can't remember if first generation is the one born in America), I don't speak the language, I don't know the customs, I don't know the history of China - I identify more with the -American side than the Chinese- one. "Chinese-American" is mostly used to distinguish myself from the idea that Americans are of European descent. But it's really kind of - I don't know. I feel much more like an 'American' even though people seem to interpret otherwise. It's like being American is a secret, second identity to the ethnic one, though sometimes people can't even tell that. (See: people in Montpellier and Istanbul markets calling out "Konnichiwa!" to catch my attention.)
Of course, the people in my class had no idea of anything I just detailed above, and it's likely they were only jesting (these are the people who once tried to snort hot chocolate powder - it's not a good idea, guys), but it's one of those incidents that's stuck with me over the years. ...And now that I look at it, it's not at all the way I would have related it orally.
I bought another poster yesterday. Reflections of Elephants, by Dali. I like his stuff... and this one didn't make my skin itch the way some of the other paintings do. Now there's only one large white space on my wall to cover up.
