Workage
Blah I'm getting ready to go to Belk hell. I have a few minutes to update before I go in.
Mike and I are doing better, motly because I just let the issue go. I didn't get any kind of apology. I guess I just have to learn sometimes I will be treated and blamed unfairly and just won't get any kind of apology.
He just left for work, mind you he was 30 minutes late when he left. What pisses me off is that he didn't work for nearly a year, he's working as a temp now until January but he is only working like twenty hours or less a week, and he's late almost every day.
I'm not feeling so hot this morning, and I haven't been in about three or four days. I'm going to have to get back to my doctor. I have these random spells where sometimes I shake like a junkie, I'm dizzy sometimes, I have this surreal feeling, like everything just doesn't seem real. Sometimes I even feel numbness in my face. I'm almost sure it's anxiety because I am always doing something repetitve with my hands. I'm either combing my hair with my fingers or tapping my fingers or my feet or just moving my fingers. I'm starting to worry. The sensations get worse directly after I smoke. I know smoking is bad for you, and I'm trying so hard to quit. I'm smoking less and less every day and it is SO hard. This may sound dumb, but I've been doing some online research and I found someone who is my age, and living in a similar situation, but his symptoms describe mine to a T.
Short About Me: I am 24 years old, I have a really stressful job in IT, moved out of home at a young age, been in a relationship for 8 years now.
What happend to me: After a stressful day, my girlfriend decided to go for supper. While we where at the table talking and I suddenly got an overwhelming feeling that I was LOSING control. Basically I felt like I had drifted away from reality and suddenly come back. I went to the restroom to get a quick drink of water. Felt really weird? Started shaking, confused, diarrhea, vomiting etc.
I went to a doctor and he checked my sugar levels and he said it was fine. He said I might have a bug and because I have not been sick really in my life I was not used to the feeling and maybe started to panic, he also gave me some anti-biotics for the “bug” and put me on Xanor (Some calming tablet).
Since that day I have not been the same. The first couple of months were the worst.
Symptoms:
- Tingling in hands.
- Tremors.
- Pains in head.
- Stiff neck.
- Eye Twitch.
- Numbness in fingers.
- Feel disconnected from reality.
- Feeling like I am dying of something.
- Constant worry that I going to go mad one day.
- Feel like losing mind.
- Constantly tired.
- Restless Sleep.
- Blurred Vision somethings
- Eyes sensitive to light.
- Slurred Speech sometimes, most when "Spaced out pretty bad".
- And More…..
In the first couple of months I went for blood tests, eye tests, a MRI scan (without contrast), EEG. I have also been to a psychologist, and psychiatrist. The psychiatrist said I have an anxiety disorder and started putting for on many different drugs like Venlor XR, Rivotril, Lamictin. I stopped going to him because he just kept increasing my medications or changing them. The psychologist says I have not dealt with things in my life and have had to be mentally 40 years old from a young age. My mother died 2 years ago as well and my father left to Ireland just before her death. I did not grieve her death at all.
Well a year later I am still alive, not near as many symptoms. But the one that is freaking me out it this spaced out, disconnect from reality feeling. It seems to get worse when in public or speaking to a person directly (one to one). I still get brain zaps every now and then. I also used to get slurred speech a little.
If anybody has any words of wisdom, I'd really appreciate it. One of my bigger problems is that when I speak to someone, I cannot look in their eyes. I get very nervous when I look into anyone's eyes. Even Mike! Something isn't right when I can't look into my own boyfriend's eyes. I want to live a long, productive life, and I'm scared if I go to the doctor, number one god knows what they'll charge me, and number two if I have some horrible brain disease and I'm dying, I don't want to know. I would love to find a solution, maybe even see a therapist. I'm not sure what exactly my insurance covers and what worries me is that no one, HR, nor the lady that answered my call at United Health can be specific.
Well, I best hit the shower. Belk will be waiting for me. They told us to all come in at 8 about 3 weeks ago, and then to save hours they said come in at 9. My schedule for today says 8... so I'm going in at 9. They'll be calling soon to tell me they didn't mean me. So then I'll be pissed because no one was clear if anyone HAD to come in at 8. They said if you're scheduled to open come in at nine. GRRR.
I hope today goes by fast. Business has been very slow lately. Maybe they'll send me home early. Maybe I should call my doctor and just.,. make an appointment.