I can't go outside, I'm scared I might not make it home.
I try to go out on dates. I do. But afterward, I find I'm just cursing myself for not putting my whole heart in it. Not being clever enough. Not as attractive as I used to be. Not as glowing as I used to be. It seems I used to be able to get a guy's attention with just a look. A glance. Something that said "I have a secret". Maybe it's my confidence. If I'm being really honest with myself, I just don't give a good goddamn about most guys anymore. I like the attention when I get it. But I don't go searching it out anymore. And sometimes I mourn that magnetic girl I used to be. I worry that something in me is broken; that I buried a chunk of me with Dan all those years ago and it's not there for me to give to anyone new anymore.