trigger
My ocd has been kicking up recently. And I find it really distressing, which makes it worse. I think it's all of the stress that's just coming to a head. I'm trying to remember that I've controlled this before and I can do it again, but right now it's just so overwhelming. I have these insane thoughts that if I'm not absolutely perfect, if I don't write letters and words perfectly, or if I don't hit the right notes on my guitar there will be some kind of divine retribution. Also checking lightswitches and counting. I remember the last time this was really an issue, when I was selling insurance. 6 years ago. There was a question about whether I would be able to fill out the legal documents without covering the paper in writing. I was determined to not ruin these documents with my obsessions, and while I wasn't perfect,I was mostly able to control it. I remember that feeling when I realised I had it under control. I felt so free. I'm frustrated I have to do this again.