Table for One: Peng Bo
Peng Bo, 6pm, 27th Oct 2009, Out of the Pan Raffles City Shopping Centre
Its the time of the year again, when advertisers meticulously to inject into the tropical atmosphere of Singapore a blizzard of seasonal advertising starting as early as October - two months way in advance of Christmas. It is a time when shopping rises to the forefront of our national agenda and as the momentum picks up, people will find themselves rushing to purchase that perfect item that will hopefully equate their love and their recipient's happiness.
This year, the gift I've received could not be store-bought and came most timely with a lone diner as the least expected deliverer.
Since we parted, I committed as much time and energy renewing myself: I went to get my hair done, cleared out my room, started on new projects, picked up a new hobby and made new travel plans. Yet, even with all that done, I still could not shed the pain that was playing on repeat in my heart.
That evening I had to dragged myself out to work on this project with false courage that was crowned by a snazzy new hair cut. Thank goodness fate made it easy for me, as the moment I arrived to the restaurant, Peng Bo was already seated by the indoor fountain having her savory crepe along with a pot of tea. Her outward-self held a quirky kind of plainness and on her face rested simplicity. Hence, almost naturally, her consent to be photographed came as equally straight forward as she looked.
I did my work swiftly and as soon as I finished the roll of film, I sat down across from her and we started chatting. Finally, I had found a woman who dines alone regularly and is not a traveller. When I got down to asking her the reason to her solitary meal, she answered in an astonishingly forth-coming manner: "I am single."
"Me too," I replied and soon enough we were chuckling and exchanging a high-five to our newly forged camaraderie.
Although I had sworn to myself to let go completely and not bring the both of us up to anybody, I shyly revealed to her that I am initiating myself to this new life of single-hood and I was still trying to find a some closure to the chapter we had shared together. I explained to her how this project was a way I made myself get out to work and hopefully shed some the thoughts that have been plaguing me.
She listened to me with a gentle attentiveness then with a smile looked me in the eyes and said:
"You are a special girl - beautiful, intelligent and romantic. There are many good man out there who will want to go out with you."
I told her that you are special too. So special that for a long while, finding someone new stays at the bottom of my priorities and that giving you the assurance that you'll never be deserted will always be at the top. No one else resonates in me as much as you do.
"But its painful," I said.
She nods and gently pressed her palm against her forehead and her chest. She told me how every drop of pain that I'm experiencing now is kind of wealth - not a material wealth but one that comes in experiences that nourishes the heart and the mind, making each of us emotionally richer and more resilient. At the end of the day, she explained, everyone desires to be with strong and independent people who at the fundamentally loves themselves first. Because it is only these people who knows how find their own happiness to have the capacity to give. Unconditionally.
As I left her table that evening, I held her gift, alongside those that you've given me, tenderly in my heart. My lonely heart, which once felt hard and heavy, begun to float back into it place and dissolved into the ether surrounding.