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Subject: Fan fic- A Moments Peace
Text:
Title: A Moments Peace
Author: Poisongirll
Rating: PG-13
Genre and/or Pairing: Dean/Cas
Spoilers: Season 5, episode 6
Warnings:
Word Count:
Summary: Just a little one shot I wrote inspired by a clip of 6.06
Author's note: Many thanks to my wonderful girlfriend/beta (how lucky am I?!) teaparty_fic for her help with this :)
Dean paces the room in frustration before throwing himself into a seat on the motel room bed, staring into the amber depths of his drink.
"First this with Sam and now I've lost Lisa" he says quietly, his voice strained, eyes still down facing. "I just..." He looks up briefly and downs his drink in one swallow. "I just feel so alone, Cas," he admits, and there's something in his tone - so broken and desperate - that breaks Cas's heart.
Cas cautiously approaches the bed and sits down beside Dean, unsure of what his next move should be.
"You are not alone, Dean" he tells him, his voice soft yet firm and sincere.
Dean can feel Cas's gaze on him, heavy and sympathetic, and as always, feels slightly uncomfortable under the weight of it.
"I will always be here for you" Cas continues and, after a moments hesitation, puts an arm around Dean's shoulders. It's a gesture he's seen many times in his existence, shared between humans when comfort is needed. That Dean has never been particularly good at accepting such things plays on Cas's mind, but in a fit of something almost like recklessness he feels he should at least try. To his surprise Dean doesn't move but remains sitting silently and staring into his empty glass, not meeting Cas's eyes.
Cas knows that Dean doesn't believe him, not that he can really blame him considering his recent prolonged absence. He sighs and stands, walking to the small kitchen bench and pouring himself a shot of whiskey, the bottle surprisingly familiar in his grip. Dean watches as Cas downs it with ease before refilling both of their glasses. And, taking a sip, Dean can't help the sense of relief he feels at the evidence of at least something a little human still in Cas - even if that something does point towards celestial alcoholism.
Cas fixes Dean with another intense stare. "I apologise that I've been...distant towards you. It is not my intention. It's just that..." Cas trails off, unsure of how to explain himself to the broken hunter.
Dean finds himself surprised to see Cas uncertain and lost for words, another tick in the human column.
"This war is brutal, Dean. If I allow myself to feel human emotion my chances of surviving it are minimal. And when I come back to earth, it's hard to...adjust. But please understand that it doesn't mean that I don't care about you" he pauses, draining his glass. "Because I care, Dean...far more than I should."
Dean shifts uncomfortably at these words, their depth and intensity rendering him capable only of more silence.
"And I promise I will do everything in my power to help you find out what's wrong with your brother" he finishes, his gaze still focused firmly on Deans face.
Still Dean says nothing but he finally lifts his eyes to meet Castiel's and there's no doubting the sincerity reflected there. He's not entirely surprised to find that, after everything, he still implicitly trusts the angel. The huge sense of relief that washes over him at this is slighty overwhelming.
"Thanks, Cas" he says finally. "I need to know. Having him back like this, it's..." he trails off and clears his throat, breaking the eye contact with Cas to once again stare into his drink. "It's almost worse than not having him back at all," he admits, horrified to find that his voice is strained and his throat feels constricted.
Cas sets down his glass and sits down next to him again, this time not hesitating in putting his arm around the hunter. Dean isnt sure if it's his lonliness or the warm buzz of the three shots he's just consumed in the last ten minutes, but he finds himself turning his body to wrap his arms around the angel. Cas, not used to such displays of affection, freezes momentarily before embracing him back.
The moment is more than slightly confusing. Cas knows that Dean has never been one to overtly show his emotions - he's gotten used to having to read the hunter through his expressions and body language, always careful to avoid looking into his mind because he knows Dean's feelings on that. Right now he can sense the vulnerability in the hunter - the ongoing pain and frustration of wanting answers that he can't have; the weariness and exhaustion of fighting a never ending battle with demons, angels, his brother, himself...
So yes, maybe Dean needs this. But then he's probably not the only one.
The cold, ruthless and unemotional being that Cas has become bothers him as much as it bothers Dean. Although it was all he knew for a long time, the Winchester boys had changed all that for him. Not so very long ago they had helped him to become capable of feelings and experiences that he'd never before allowed himself. And in a way, he'd enjoyed the strange sense of freedom it had brought him. Now though...it felt like a long time since he'd had the luxury of those emotions, but this - having contact with Dean again - seems to have bought them all back to him with a ferosity that is quite unexpected. He still isn't sure exactly what it is about Dean that seems to have captivated him so powerfully, all he knows is that he wants to be around him, comfort him, protect him. And for a brief while he can do that.
For now they can embrace, without the need for words, and enjoy with one another a moments peace amongst the chaos. It's the first time the angel has felt anything approaching happy in a long time. He hopes that the hunter in his arms feels the same way.
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