run through, while running through the runthrough
Two fully formed dreams last night. the first one, I remembered when I woke up in the middle of the night, now I remember nothing. the second one, I remember parts, but way less than it actually had. I was some really clean and tidy person with a house that I considered 'nice' (I don't know if it actually was or whatever, I don't have enough memory of the place). There was some sort of gathering, and a lot of extended family was there. A lot of small kids. Someone had some nacho cheese sauce, and these little bastards were getting it everywhere. Literally.
There was nacho cheese sauce spots like 6 feet up the wall. It was awful. They were running a rampage all over the place, godzilla destruction in their wake. I finally locked myself in the bathroom to try to get a breath, and wouldn't you know it... nacho cheese all over the bathroom. I was having a nervous breakdown, and then my (in the dream, never seen her before) GF came in to try to calm me down. She was a very strange individual. I don't even know how to begin to explain her. Pretty sure her eyebrows were actually just melty Sharpie ink though.
That's about all I remember of that.
Yesterday / last night was full of more Talking. Still feels like it's all teetering on an edge. Mental health is a hell of a thing. Learning though... I am always learning.
It seems like she swings back and forth minute by minute between just wanting to completely give up on everything, and being determined to do her best, and try to take control of it all. I can really sympathize, but I am getting myself to the point where I am separating sympathy from guilt from responsibility. I understand, I sympathize. But I also know that I didn't cause any of it, I can not fix any of it, and it is unhealthy for me to be a 'victim' of it in any way. That's not helping anyone. I am moving 'self care' up towards the top of my ladder of concerns, which is where it should be.
For now, it's one day at a time.
There was nacho cheese sauce spots like 6 feet up the wall. It was awful. They were running a rampage all over the place, godzilla destruction in their wake. I finally locked myself in the bathroom to try to get a breath, and wouldn't you know it... nacho cheese all over the bathroom. I was having a nervous breakdown, and then my (in the dream, never seen her before) GF came in to try to calm me down. She was a very strange individual. I don't even know how to begin to explain her. Pretty sure her eyebrows were actually just melty Sharpie ink though.
That's about all I remember of that.
Yesterday / last night was full of more Talking. Still feels like it's all teetering on an edge. Mental health is a hell of a thing. Learning though... I am always learning.
It seems like she swings back and forth minute by minute between just wanting to completely give up on everything, and being determined to do her best, and try to take control of it all. I can really sympathize, but I am getting myself to the point where I am separating sympathy from guilt from responsibility. I understand, I sympathize. But I also know that I didn't cause any of it, I can not fix any of it, and it is unhealthy for me to be a 'victim' of it in any way. That's not helping anyone. I am moving 'self care' up towards the top of my ladder of concerns, which is where it should be.
For now, it's one day at a time.