The confusion that is this lie... i mean life
My angel is still waiting around every corner to carry me through the next of life's undoubtedly trying situations. He's more than I could have ever asked for. Unfortunately, with this perfection comes some issues. For instance... attachment. How can you not be attached to the guy who goes out of his way to see you smile? Exactly. It sucks because I'm still almost sure he's only after sex. Which, for reference sake, he's already got. More times than I can count. We're too good at it. Why stop? But that only leads to a deeper sense of attachment. So much so that I actually said yes when he asked "do you want to be my girl?". What kind of sick person says that to a vulnerable, dying-inside-from-lack-of-confidence girl? Do I dare believe he wants more? I'm not sure. But this all seems so trivial. I'm still stuck in some kind of high-schoolish relationship idea. Maybe someone should have warned me I'd be years behind on the dating thing if I spent four years with one guy. And not just any four years. The four years that I should have spent growing, changing, learning life's lessons. Now I'm stuck. I'm somewhere between "I'm-a-strong-willed-woman-who-wants-a-real-man" and "I'm-a-teenaged-girl-who-doesn't-know-how-to-date". It sucks.
Greg's still gone and I don't think he misses me which sucks a lot too. I should stop saying suck. He's adapting really well and he's found lots of Laura-replacements. Well good for him. I mean, it's hard to move away. I just wish I was there with him and that when I phoned I wasn't completely self-involved with my own melodramatic life to listen to any of his adventures. I try, I really do. I mean he's so sweet and he listens and he's my best friend. And it's because of this that I'm so centered on asking his advice and telling him every detail of the past few days of my life. He rarely gets a word in edgewise. *sigh*
I've decided to quite my job. Well, I'll find another one first. I don't have time for more unneccesary stress.
Unfortunately the family is home and they're nosier then most. Friendly, happy, and family-ish, but still nosy enough that I avoid them.
Supper.
Greg's still gone and I don't think he misses me which sucks a lot too. I should stop saying suck. He's adapting really well and he's found lots of Laura-replacements. Well good for him. I mean, it's hard to move away. I just wish I was there with him and that when I phoned I wasn't completely self-involved with my own melodramatic life to listen to any of his adventures. I try, I really do. I mean he's so sweet and he listens and he's my best friend. And it's because of this that I'm so centered on asking his advice and telling him every detail of the past few days of my life. He rarely gets a word in edgewise. *sigh*
I've decided to quite my job. Well, I'll find another one first. I don't have time for more unneccesary stress.
Unfortunately the family is home and they're nosier then most. Friendly, happy, and family-ish, but still nosy enough that I avoid them.
Supper.