There’s no use in my trying to pretend that all is good so I write from the heart.

[poisondreams]

I’m tired of pain, just so tired. I can honestly say that it’s been too long since I remember what my life was like without pain. I fight. I live. But honestly I’ve gotten into such a depression that I wonder if I’ll ever get out of it. I put on a good face. I try and enjoy everything that I do, but…if I forget to not focus, the physical pain overwhelms me. I shouldn’t be having this any more. I don’t want it.

I’ve locked myself away, it seems, I no longer contact friends, I rarely go out unless my hubby pretty much forces me. I have friends that have gone through some very difficult things in the past few months and I feel like I’ve failed them by not leaving my little cocoon to be there for them.

I’m sorry. You know who you are and I am so sorry.

I’m not sure when I’ll be really posting again, I hope soon, though right now I just need to focus on the day by day things. No not everything is horrible, I just need time.

Please, those of you that have my numbers please don’t call. This was hard enough for me to type up, I don’t want to talk about it. I seriously need time. Email or comment I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Know that I’ll be back and when I do I'll be my old self, I hope soon and when I do return I hope you are all still here.

All my love,
Nan