(no subject)
I sleep....I still you lying next to me..........
Hit me and knock me out...and let me go back to sleep....
Things have been ubber shitty lately. This morning was prolly the worst morning. Katrina spent the night last night because it was really late..and she was hanging out with Chris. We woke up this morning and someone had broken into her car, mangled the wires near her pedals and fucked up the key hole. So Chris spent all morning trying to fix it. He ended up throwing a fit and started blowing up on everyone telling me how much his life sucks and how he is only living because he feels he needs to help everyone else. FUCK THAT. I don't want him living for me or any other person in his life. I want him to life for himself. LIKE I'VE BEEN TELLING EVERY LAST PERSON IN MY LIFE!!!! Life for yourself..and if you can't do that...than you're living for the wrong fucking person! He started yelling at my mom and telling her he's a loser. As much as it would be easy to blame this all on her...it's not her fault. It's not fair to blame someone else for what you do in your life. URRRRRRRRRG!!! I need to get a break from all this!! I honestly do not think I could ever be a psychologist (sp). I'm not strong enough to tell someone how they should feel. I don't think anyone truly is! That's just my opinion. -sigh- I need help too sometimes........ but no one hears me anymore. And this isn't a cry for attention....I just need a vacation. I need to be with my friends. I miss them so much......
Jenny...I love you so much. We'll be together soon. God, I miss you.
You know who just came by to pick up my brother. I had to talk to him and tell him what was going on with Chris. It was the hardest thing looking him and the eye and talking to him like I wanted to. It sickens me to see him........this person who not only full of nastiest shit.....but a liar...the worst kinda of guy. I don't hate him...but I want to. And that right there is enough to tell a person they fucked up!
I've been so stressed out lately...I've been smoking myself stupid! Things just wont get better...................no matter where I live...who I'm with.....things just seem to stay the same.
Kayla is coming home in march.....I've missed her so much too. My KK....my love. I found old pictures of me, Noel, and Kayla. Just chillen like the old times. old times were good times. Where did we hide them? Can I ever find them again? I feel like this is my fault. I changed my life....I made new friends..and with that I never had time to do anything else.
I can't fix everything..I'm just one person who can barely help herself. But I care so much.....and I can't stop trying.........
Our scars remind us that the past is real......
Ridiculous me,
Heather