For Xander, this was almost like any other day. It wasn't unusual for Helen or Jack to call him in early to fix something he might have missed the night before. So he didn't think anything of showing up that morning, tools in hand.
"Helen?" He walked up the stairs and cocked his head at her somber expression. "Helen, what is it?" He may not be the brightest bulb in the box but even he could tell something was up. Had someone else disappeared?
She'd been lost in thought, but when Saffron looked up and saw Xander she smiled - a bright, warm one that lit up her entire expression. She was terrified, but it was almost like she couldn't help it.
"Hi, honey," she said. She wanted to reassure him that it was nothing bad, but given what she had to say, she couldn't. So she just beckoned him over to where she stood next to one of the lap dance benches lining the wall, and waited for him to put down his tools before standing before him and taking both of his hands in hers.
For a moment the words stuck in her throat, and she just looked up at him as though she was trying to memorize his face. For all she knew, this would be the last time she got a proper look at it. "I just needed to talk to you," she continued, once she felt like she could get the words out steady.
The smile was reassuring and Xander responded with a small one of his own, even if he wasn't completely sure of what was going on.
He put his tools down on a nearby table and walked over to take her hands. He squeezed them reassuringly, unable to help himself as he needed the comfort. The way she was looking at him was so...so final. Like she expected never to see him again. It was freaking him out. Was she dying? "What is it Helen?" He asked softly, swallowing down his sudden rise of fear.
She could see that he was worried, and as much as she hated what she was about to do to him, she didn't want to beat around the bush either, drag things out. So she cut right to the chase, after a slow exhale.
"Xander," she said, her eyes never leaving his, "I love you."
That...wasn't at all what he was expecting and Xander may have gaped for a moment. "You...you love me?" He asked in disbelief.
Oh Xander had loved Helen for a long time, she was up there with Buffy and Willow in his book. But being up there also put her in the unattainable category so Xander had just learned to live with it. So this situation wasn't something he'd ever dared imagine.
In fact, he still couldn't believe it. "You. Love me. Wow."
Saffron felt a rush of affection for Xander at his very...Xander-like reaction, and if she could have just jumped into his arms right then and left it at that, she would have in a heart beat. But she couldn't, because the only thing worse than him hearing it from her was him happening upon her reels on the bookshelf one day.
"I do, with all my heart," she confirmed, and she willed her eyes to stay dry with all her might. "But there's more. There are things I need to tell you, about me. Things I haven't exactly been truthful about."
Xander was still in shock but the emotion in her voice brought him back to the here and now. Whatever she had to say may have been important, but his need to comfort won out.
He sat down on the bench and pulled her down next to him so they could be touching without letting go of their hands. "What is it?" He asked, recognizing her need to tell him before getting his answer. Not to mention, he honestly had no idea what to say.
She sat with him, and her first impulse was to pull her hands away, to do it before he had a chance to. But she pushed it down and kept her hands in his, turned slightly towards him so she could look at him better
( ... )
This was... a lot of information to take in. A lot of information that contradicted the image he had of Helen in his head. And in fact, was kind of funny. Wasn't it just his lot in life to fall for women with black widow tendencies, almost literally in the case of praying mantis lady?
It wasn't a bad thing. Heck, he'd loved Spike, who was practically a serial killer. It was just funny.
Still, his brain was having a hard time catching up so instead he asked the obvious question, "What is your name then?"
That was the worst of what she had to tell him, and...he wasn't pulling away from her. He wasn't yelling about lying to him all this time, and in fact, he didn't even seem angry. Saffron dared to take that as a good sign.
"It doesn't matter," she said, knowing he might have an issue with this part. "I've been using fake names since I was eighteen, Helen's just as much my name as any of those were. I stopped using my real name even before I became a con." Durran, in fact, had been the first person she'd given a fake name to. Yolanda. "It's part of a past I left behind a long time ago, with parents who sold me when I was five and adoptive parents who couldn't handle me and sent me to the Companion Academy when I was thirteen."
Xander was silent for a long time, carefully thinking out his words for one of the few times in his life. This was important and it deserved the attention. But he made sure to keep a good grip on her hands so she'd know that this wasn't a bad thing. That it was a very good thing
( ... )
Of what Xander had said to her, two things were most prominent in Saffron's mind. First was it doesn't change anything. She was so grateful for those four words, so surprised and incredibly grateful.
The second thing - I fell in love.
She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them again they were brimming with tears, but she was smiling. "Oh, Xander," she said softly, and covered his hand with her own. "I wasn't sure I'd ever fall in love again, and next thing I knew I was falling in love, with the most wonderful, kind, caring man I know. You don't see it, but you are an incredible person, and you're beautiful, inside and out."
She blinked away tears and turned her head to kiss his palm. "I love you so much, and I don't want to be with anyone but you."
For a moment, Xander could just stare at her and wonder if he was dreaming. It was just...like a dream come true and Xander had had so few, if any, of those.
If anything, Helen's tears made it more real, gave him something to focus on as he reached his other hand up to wipe them away. "I just...don't take this the wrong way but I can't believe it. This is so...something I never would have imagined. Hoped but...I can't believe it's actually happening. I've loved you for months, what...what made you finally decide to tell me?" He just wanted to know, to understand. So maybe the facts would help make this moment more real, to bring him out of his shock.
Saffron wanted to kiss Xander so badly just then, but he deserved the answers to whatever questions he needed to ask, so she settled for the time being for simply reaching out with one hand and touching light fingers to his lips.
"I don't fall in love easily," she explained, taking his hand in hers again. "I don't because I don't accept being in love easily. I don't trust anyone, not ever, at least not completely, and until I came here, I lived my life without connections, without staying in any place too long
( ... )
As he listened intently, Xander leaned into her hand, his eyes never leaving hers.
When she finished, the only thing he could do was smile. "I think its going to take a while to sink in. I've never..." He had to clear his throat before he continued, "I've never been this lucky before. I never even considered..." He shook his head, because you know what? It didn't matter what he thought. Helen was telling him she loved him, so why was he questioning it? Even if it was a dream...it was one of the best he'd ever had.
So instead of questioning, he gave in to the urge he's had since he'd walked in, if he was going to be honest with himself, and kissed her like he'd wanted to kiss her for months.
Finally, Saffron thought as Xander kissed her, a kiss she returned without hesitation. She wound her arms around his torso, draping one one leg over top of his as she scooted into him in an attempt to get as close to him as she could. This was what she'd been aching for, and she melted against Xander, pouring all her skill and all her love into that kiss.
"Helen?" He walked up the stairs and cocked his head at her somber expression. "Helen, what is it?" He may not be the brightest bulb in the box but even he could tell something was up. Had someone else disappeared?
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"Hi, honey," she said. She wanted to reassure him that it was nothing bad, but given what she had to say, she couldn't. So she just beckoned him over to where she stood next to one of the lap dance benches lining the wall, and waited for him to put down his tools before standing before him and taking both of his hands in hers.
For a moment the words stuck in her throat, and she just looked up at him as though she was trying to memorize his face. For all she knew, this would be the last time she got a proper look at it. "I just needed to talk to you," she continued, once she felt like she could get the words out steady.
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He put his tools down on a nearby table and walked over to take her hands. He squeezed them reassuringly, unable to help himself as he needed the comfort. The way she was looking at him was so...so final. Like she expected never to see him again. It was freaking him out. Was she dying? "What is it Helen?" He asked softly, swallowing down his sudden rise of fear.
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"Xander," she said, her eyes never leaving his, "I love you."
At least she'd started with the good part.
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Oh Xander had loved Helen for a long time, she was up there with Buffy and Willow in his book. But being up there also put her in the unattainable category so Xander had just learned to live with it. So this situation wasn't something he'd ever dared imagine.
In fact, he still couldn't believe it. "You. Love me. Wow."
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"I do, with all my heart," she confirmed, and she willed her eyes to stay dry with all her might. "But there's more. There are things I need to tell you, about me. Things I haven't exactly been truthful about."
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He sat down on the bench and pulled her down next to him so they could be touching without letting go of their hands. "What is it?" He asked, recognizing her need to tell him before getting his answer. Not to mention, he honestly had no idea what to say.
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It wasn't a bad thing. Heck, he'd loved Spike, who was practically a serial killer. It was just funny.
Still, his brain was having a hard time catching up so instead he asked the obvious question, "What is your name then?"
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"It doesn't matter," she said, knowing he might have an issue with this part. "I've been using fake names since I was eighteen, Helen's just as much my name as any of those were. I stopped using my real name even before I became a con." Durran, in fact, had been the first person she'd given a fake name to. Yolanda. "It's part of a past I left behind a long time ago, with parents who sold me when I was five and adoptive parents who couldn't handle me and sent me to the Companion Academy when I was thirteen."
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The second thing - I fell in love.
She closed her eyes briefly, and when she opened them again they were brimming with tears, but she was smiling. "Oh, Xander," she said softly, and covered his hand with her own. "I wasn't sure I'd ever fall in love again, and next thing I knew I was falling in love, with the most wonderful, kind, caring man I know. You don't see it, but you are an incredible person, and you're beautiful, inside and out."
She blinked away tears and turned her head to kiss his palm. "I love you so much, and I don't want to be with anyone but you."
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If anything, Helen's tears made it more real, gave him something to focus on as he reached his other hand up to wipe them away. "I just...don't take this the wrong way but I can't believe it. This is so...something I never would have imagined. Hoped but...I can't believe it's actually happening. I've loved you for months, what...what made you finally decide to tell me?" He just wanted to know, to understand. So maybe the facts would help make this moment more real, to bring him out of his shock.
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"I don't fall in love easily," she explained, taking his hand in hers again. "I don't because I don't accept being in love easily. I don't trust anyone, not ever, at least not completely, and until I came here, I lived my life without connections, without staying in any place too long ( ... )
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When she finished, the only thing he could do was smile. "I think its going to take a while to sink in. I've never..." He had to clear his throat before he continued, "I've never been this lucky before. I never even considered..." He shook his head, because you know what? It didn't matter what he thought. Helen was telling him she loved him, so why was he questioning it? Even if it was a dream...it was one of the best he'd ever had.
So instead of questioning, he gave in to the urge he's had since he'd walked in, if he was going to be honest with himself, and kissed her like he'd wanted to kiss her for months.
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