While you're takin' true love, you're given the blame.
I have a lot to think about, plain and simple.
And I don't have a fucking clue where to start.
I'll start with Riley. Who is getting married. And she'll be happy. Yeah, to say I keep thinking how much she was like me, the main difference is that I get the feeling her marriage will work out for her, she'll be happy and the idea of that makes me feel much better in myself. and I'm not jealous. Alright. A little. But I'll get rid of it. I'll miss talking to her so much too. But I am mainly happy for her. There's just part of me which is a little bitter, and I shouldn't be. I wish I could just tell her how I feel without choking on words, because I've said them to someone else before.
I'm more worried about how Nick'll...Dieu, Nick. The guy who deserves a little happiness, you know. And I can just tell things are getting to him. From the way he seemed just a little off it and...since... I don't know. I'm obviously not as good a judge of people as he is, but I just want him to be happy. Which is a lot to ask for a man perpetually forced to mourn his own death, I know. There's just times when I just want to tell him to stop all this and let me give him a hug. Oh. But I can't. Maybe that's where all the problems come from. Not that I can't hug him, but that he is different to us and however much you admire his bravery in treating us all like people too, it's always going to end badly, because we die. I just want to help him and I don't even know how anymore.
So. This talk of weddings brings me onto an...well, interesting dream I had. It felt so real. I almost could have been back in Firenze, hot Italian sun shining on her perfect skin, illuminating her like my own goddess. I could have tasted her on my lips. Sat there in her wedding dress, of all things, telling me it'd be okay. Telling me she loved me and that I shouldn't cry because she hated seeing me sad. Except that time, I really wasn't crying because I was...I don't know, but I feel like doing it again now. It did leave me in a good mood. I mean, I hardly ever have dreams anymore, and it was a good one, so I can't help but smile.
Which brings me to the good news of the day. I guess. They're arresting her. Or trying to. Which means it's once and for all, actually my fault. I actually now have solid reason to blame myself for this. However, justice is being done for me, for Hestia and for anyone else she fucked over. The right thing is happening. For that, I am very thankful, and I do feel like I've actually been a good husband since...well. I just wish...oh, why doesn't guilt leave me alone?
je regrette toute, quand je devrais regretter rien.
But I'm pretty good today.
I have things to give you and things to tell you, when you have time, get yourself here.
I..well, I wasn't exactly sure what to say, really. But I have things to talk about if you want to talk, but if I tell you the truth, I'm more interested in what you have to talk about. If you want to. I just...nothing. Anyway, it's up to you.
Today, I have concluded, is a rather beautiful day. Alas, you all have studying to do. Such a shame.
I am going to go smoke outside, and nobody chastise me for my habits, this is the first in Dieu savez how long, so there. Also, Dylan, I'm raiding your office for some, object and I throw a quadratic equation at you. Anyone recommend a book I can read whilst invigilating exams? Or am I going to end up playing 'race for the extra parchment' with another professor? Who's doing History of Magic with me? As they better get their running legs on.