five funerals in five months.
it's too much. 16 days ago; it has been a little over two weeks since i talked to you. and unlike the other, [MAYBE i could have done something. if i had more, i could have done more for her] i should have been there; you asked me to be there. i felt like i should do something to stop you, but i didn't want you thinking i was stepping on your toes. [listen to your intuition, any of you clairvoyants.] but i said i wasn't coming, you said "oh." but you said you'd be there "tomorrow."
you weren't there.
it's one of those "wrong place, wrong time, wrong people." kind of things. WATCH YOUR COMPANY. i can't believe this idiot didn't know what to do. i played nice with him over the phone while you lay in the hospital, dead (i didn't know it yet). and i showed up! to the hospital; only hours ago we'd been talking--you wrote a little note right after i spoke with you. was it something i said? did you know what would happen? you thought he could save you but he DIDN'T, i would have. i have in the past.
i could have saved you one more time.
i mean, eventually, it is inevitable. i guess i know it deep down; i'm not sure if you did, though. you didn't do so well on the whole following-through-to-the-end bit when it came to very involved things in the past... the last time i saw you, i knew i should hug you because i wouldn't see you again for a long time. i didn't understand the feeling and watched you sliding on the ice, laughing, through my window. i drove away.
everyone keeps dying.
five months ago my "twin" died. 16 days ago my good friend died. we didn't ever put anything in exact terms, but she'd turned into one of my only companions. i don't let people in much, these days. i keep telling people that ask that next year will be a better one, but i can't see over the horizon; something in my bones, my blood, my brains, my guts, tells me i am poisoned.
you weren't there.
it's one of those "wrong place, wrong time, wrong people." kind of things. WATCH YOUR COMPANY. i can't believe this idiot didn't know what to do. i played nice with him over the phone while you lay in the hospital, dead (i didn't know it yet). and i showed up! to the hospital; only hours ago we'd been talking--you wrote a little note right after i spoke with you. was it something i said? did you know what would happen? you thought he could save you but he DIDN'T, i would have. i have in the past.
i could have saved you one more time.
i mean, eventually, it is inevitable. i guess i know it deep down; i'm not sure if you did, though. you didn't do so well on the whole following-through-to-the-end bit when it came to very involved things in the past... the last time i saw you, i knew i should hug you because i wouldn't see you again for a long time. i didn't understand the feeling and watched you sliding on the ice, laughing, through my window. i drove away.
everyone keeps dying.
five months ago my "twin" died. 16 days ago my good friend died. we didn't ever put anything in exact terms, but she'd turned into one of my only companions. i don't let people in much, these days. i keep telling people that ask that next year will be a better one, but i can't see over the horizon; something in my bones, my blood, my brains, my guts, tells me i am poisoned.