sadness

[pointsandlaughs]

Well I had a terrible night last night. I thought it would be fun. I had a good day. I bought my tweetie a CD cuz he wanted even though I was broke and he loved it. I decided to get drunk. I went to the party and scott went with me and the evening was going fine. I was really trashed really quick. When Sarah got to the party Scott went with her to the car to get beer and I got upset and started crying. They took me into the bedroom but I couldnt calm down. I was really upset. I seem to get too upset when Im drunk to handle myself. So I tried to run away and when I was going down the stairs I ran into Scott but I just kept going. Vidie followed me and made me come back so I just went back and was looking for my phone. I thought I threw it off the balcony but scott had it the whole time. When I saw him he tried to get a hold of me to take me home, but I pushed him off of me. I told sarah she could have him. I didnt mean it. My friend drew finally decided to get me into the car and make me leave because the cops were there and he didnt want me to get in trouble. I called scott and told him I loved him in a drunken sadness and then my phone went dead. I finally got home and checked my messages and he left me one saying he wanted me to come home to his house. So I tried to call him and he wouldnt answer. I was crying and woke ann marie and she took me over there and we talked some and went to be. He held me and kissed me all night. Every time we woke up he would kiss me. He made me promise we would never fight again and I said yes. I never want to. When we woke up he seemed really mad at me and we talked about it and decided not to drink together. When I was getting my stuff together and leaving we didnt speak and he left too. I was behind him when he turned into speedway so I followed. I stood by his car until he came out and told him I needed to know if we were going to be together and he said he needed some time to think. I told him that if we broke up that I was moving away for the summer, and he said I was being irrational, which I was. After leaving I called him one more time to tell him I was sorry and that I really wanted to be with him. I dont want to lose him. I really care about him and cannot handle being without him. I hope that things go alright and he cares enough to stay with me. If not I wont move away. I will just take a break from relationships to let my heart heal. It will take a while because I care about him so much. It hurts already and I havent heard the answer. I hurt so bad, and all I have done is cried today until I got to work. I think I will go to bed now, I hope I dont cry all day tomorrow. I might just sleep. I miss him and it will be hard sleeping in my own bed.
IT HURTS SO BAD!!!!!!!!!!