Almost missed it... to Cassie
Happy Birthday Cassie. Haven't talked to you much lately, at all.. it saddens me, but I know you're having a kickass time. 19 is going to be awesome. I hate you for being an age I'd love to get to. Haha. Well, actually, I love you. Although we haven't talked lately, I'm left with tons of memories of the times we have talked and you've made my life so much better. Knowing you.. made my life so much better. Muahs to you. Happy birthday!
Side note: School started last week. It SUCKS. I have to get up at 5:00 [sometimes 4:30] in the morning to be ready for the bus at 6:20 but sometimes my mom is gracious enough to drive my brother and I around 6:30 so that's a little better, but shiiiiit. Too early! Highschool.. my first year. So far, not so bad. I have all the classes I wanted, besides one. I have Theatre I, JROTC I, Apparel Developement I, and PE/Health. Very happy - besides the Apparel class.. I wanted creative writing or crafts but instead I got bumped to that. Hopefully it'll get better and I can make myself some kickass shirts. Mhmmmm. I'm having some internal issues though. Sort of fighting with myself over something I've believed for so long. And I'm questioning it. I hate it. It sucks, it makes me feel lost and alone and I know I am alone in this because I don't think I can find a single person at school who can empathise with my problem. I tried explaining it to Landon today [who I have become really close friends with, he's dating one of my closest friends and it's really kewl.. I'm finally at piece with that whole relationship thing with Landon.. I'm so happy that after everything, we're close still] and he just.. didn't understand. I haven't tried explaining it to Breanna [my closest friend at school] because I'm afraid I'll get the same response. It kills me that I can't share it. It's one of the most character tearing things I've dealt with. This is pretty much my entire existance that I'm fighting with in my mind. Sigh. *SHAKES IT OFF* Not worth killing my keyboard over, haha. I don't know, highschool has been okay so far, I have my friends and I have those moments in class that aren't so fun... my theatre class isn't that great so far. I don't have anyone to really pair off with when we have activities because my friend Amy has another friend in that class and everybody else has someone but I don't and it's kind of sucky and embarassing. I hate getting up so early and going to bed so early. I get so exhausted sometimes that I fall asleep when I get home [around 2:45] and then I can't sleep at night. Not the best. But so far I've looked fabulous at school, hee. Gotten really good responses, and Beau.. the guy I'm killing myself over by liking.. makes me feel like it's all worth while even though I know I'm being stupid liking him. It's the same outcome over and over. We'd be amazing together and he's scared and not ready and he's a huge flirt like I am so even if we went out.. it would be.. weird? I don't know. He's the funnest to flirt with. He makes me smile... WITH teeth, haha, which doesn't happen often with my braces. I don't know why I put myself through it though.
ANYWAY, I wanted this to kind of be a happy entry and I think it swung back and forth. Main point: I've been so fucking busy. Geez. I like it but I also like checking in on LJ sometimes, which I haven't been able to do since Sunday afternoon. Got to go to bed now. Ciao.
Side note: School started last week. It SUCKS. I have to get up at 5:00 [sometimes 4:30] in the morning to be ready for the bus at 6:20 but sometimes my mom is gracious enough to drive my brother and I around 6:30 so that's a little better, but shiiiiit. Too early! Highschool.. my first year. So far, not so bad. I have all the classes I wanted, besides one. I have Theatre I, JROTC I, Apparel Developement I, and PE/Health. Very happy - besides the Apparel class.. I wanted creative writing or crafts but instead I got bumped to that. Hopefully it'll get better and I can make myself some kickass shirts. Mhmmmm. I'm having some internal issues though. Sort of fighting with myself over something I've believed for so long. And I'm questioning it. I hate it. It sucks, it makes me feel lost and alone and I know I am alone in this because I don't think I can find a single person at school who can empathise with my problem. I tried explaining it to Landon today [who I have become really close friends with, he's dating one of my closest friends and it's really kewl.. I'm finally at piece with that whole relationship thing with Landon.. I'm so happy that after everything, we're close still] and he just.. didn't understand. I haven't tried explaining it to Breanna [my closest friend at school] because I'm afraid I'll get the same response. It kills me that I can't share it. It's one of the most character tearing things I've dealt with. This is pretty much my entire existance that I'm fighting with in my mind. Sigh. *SHAKES IT OFF* Not worth killing my keyboard over, haha. I don't know, highschool has been okay so far, I have my friends and I have those moments in class that aren't so fun... my theatre class isn't that great so far. I don't have anyone to really pair off with when we have activities because my friend Amy has another friend in that class and everybody else has someone but I don't and it's kind of sucky and embarassing. I hate getting up so early and going to bed so early. I get so exhausted sometimes that I fall asleep when I get home [around 2:45] and then I can't sleep at night. Not the best. But so far I've looked fabulous at school, hee. Gotten really good responses, and Beau.. the guy I'm killing myself over by liking.. makes me feel like it's all worth while even though I know I'm being stupid liking him. It's the same outcome over and over. We'd be amazing together and he's scared and not ready and he's a huge flirt like I am so even if we went out.. it would be.. weird? I don't know. He's the funnest to flirt with. He makes me smile... WITH teeth, haha, which doesn't happen often with my braces. I don't know why I put myself through it though.
ANYWAY, I wanted this to kind of be a happy entry and I think it swung back and forth. Main point: I've been so fucking busy. Geez. I like it but I also like checking in on LJ sometimes, which I haven't been able to do since Sunday afternoon. Got to go to bed now. Ciao.