I'm too tired/lazy to think of a good title
So I thought once I got through last week I'd be able to focus and get things done this week. Oh-so wrong am I. I think it's really paper writing that's gotten to me. I seem to not have the confidence I once had. I have to tell myself it's alright if I don't get a 4.0. I'd really like one, but that's not going to happen. I hate not doing my best. I know I'm a 4.0 student. I just... don't care right now. I know I'll care later when I look back and wonder if I could have done better. I thought by now I was supposed to be able to have this balance in my life all figured out. I guess not. Maybe it'll come some year. I did more things this semester. Things that really matter to me. I met more people. Made more friends. Probably made more enemies too, but that's inevitable.
I should be sleeping right now, but with all these thoughts running through my head, I just can't seem to sleep. Most of them are plaguing thoughts about my paper. Or getting my grad school apps in. Or my lab final tomorrow (ok, so it's really later today... like in 11 hours). Eek. 11 hours. I'd like to sleep for that long. I don't think I've done that since... October at least.
I can't decide what to do. I keep waiting for things to happen. Yet, I know that I have to make things happen for myself and actually take some responsibility for my life. Boo getting older. The autonomy is nice and all, but I'm scared to death of making the wrong decision and wondering "why?" later on in life. I guess in the grand scheme of things that's not the worst that could happen. The unknown next step is rather daunting. It's a pretty big one too. It's not like "I'm going to go to college and figure out my major when I get there". It's more like "wherever I end up finishing school at is where I will most likely do fieldwork, which is where I will most likely get a job and settle down". That SCARES me. I'm not ready nor old enough for that. I've still got a lot to see and do before I'm ready for that. I do, however, want that. Just not now.
... I wonder if my electric blanket is warm enough yet...
...I almost don't care.
Good things:
After a week of dancing I am injury-free for the most part
Light fluffy snow
Meals with friends
Study group with smart people
My boss telling me she wants me to come back next year and is willing to work out the schedule :)
I should be sleeping right now, but with all these thoughts running through my head, I just can't seem to sleep. Most of them are plaguing thoughts about my paper. Or getting my grad school apps in. Or my lab final tomorrow (ok, so it's really later today... like in 11 hours). Eek. 11 hours. I'd like to sleep for that long. I don't think I've done that since... October at least.
I can't decide what to do. I keep waiting for things to happen. Yet, I know that I have to make things happen for myself and actually take some responsibility for my life. Boo getting older. The autonomy is nice and all, but I'm scared to death of making the wrong decision and wondering "why?" later on in life. I guess in the grand scheme of things that's not the worst that could happen. The unknown next step is rather daunting. It's a pretty big one too. It's not like "I'm going to go to college and figure out my major when I get there". It's more like "wherever I end up finishing school at is where I will most likely do fieldwork, which is where I will most likely get a job and settle down". That SCARES me. I'm not ready nor old enough for that. I've still got a lot to see and do before I'm ready for that. I do, however, want that. Just not now.
... I wonder if my electric blanket is warm enough yet...
...I almost don't care.
Good things:
After a week of dancing I am injury-free for the most part
Light fluffy snow
Meals with friends
Study group with smart people
My boss telling me she wants me to come back next year and is willing to work out the schedule :)