"I wish I was a baretender at a kareoke bar, and did kareoke.:"
Last night was fun, it makes me happy that I say that lot. I even got a new couch without couch fuzees, its clean. I love the thing, I l slept on it last night and tested the baby out, it "passed the sleep test." I love waking up to music videos on the couch and how my dreams sometimes get squewed in with them, its so fun, but its good to sleep without it to so their *original. Its like replicating a piece of art and doing your own...gee I should paint again tonight since I havent been alone in a while. I had a group of people sleep over thursday night, friday, and saturday night it was fucking awesome. It was so weird going to bed last night without anyone here, I felt some "alone anxiety/depression", but it was worth it because it was such a good time, and next time I could always just have people sleep over one or two nights rather then three, thats a lot.
Im happy I feel like im doing better at my job and one of the people I babysit, Elizabeth. The one I started with and was challenged with , wrote this story when I was gone that she made up about me, and read it she said that," I was a kareoke singer at a kareoke bar at 13, shes a rappe and a metalhead, she did art projects at 14, she has a boyfriend of 2 years, and they celebrated and ate scrod. and got pregnant "gah!", and had a baby-cousin ( she has an obsession/rituals with kids and dolls) and she was the grandmother, and at the the end she said "Kristina is "1, she plays, plays and plays with me, she's the greatest!" I thought it was soooo cute, it made me feel so good, espacially that she wrote it right after I left. Its hard to tell what people like that think about you, when the show it in words or on paper its great. I want to photocopy. Her sense of time, and creativity and ability to talk is so impressive. I guarantee the next think that has a negative effect on my self-esteem, like a bad test, someone that says something bad to me I will probably think back to reading that today. I find it so fascinating how autistic kids put sitautions that happen to people and things they see into stories, thats one thing I notice. Like with her she heard the song "Cocomo" song in my car and remembered that on her moms birthday dinner, she called it her Moms "Cocomo Party", after she heard she song. My jobs so interesting at times.
This job also gets my mind off shit that brings me down that I used to think of alot more when I worked in the Deli, even if it feels like alot now it was alot more then. I like Wednessays to because I work with this guy Adam who loves to talk and is really smart but funny about it, and listens to some of the same music as me like "Nightwish, Shadows Crux and Switchblade Symphony". I can be in the worst mood and he'll totally wash it away...and no im not devoloping another crush, fuck that, after the last two I no better then to "drown again", and sometimes the last one likes to creep up on me, alcohol doesn't help that. I got actually drunk, drunk on thursday( did the whole thirsty thursday thing!, since it was veterans day and no one had school friday!) as opposed to being buzzed/tipsy as I had been alot aside from Hollies party of course. I had goldschlauger "schluager". so of course I was drunk thursday and started pretty early, by 11 I was slurring and jogged one around the apartments " I needed to work out", those were both rareities for me. Minky showed up and could tell I was more drunk then usual, because he kept talking beers out of my hand. I got to the point where I "always needed more" He finally said "stop, your gonna kill yourself", he over-estimated that, I hadnt even puked yet. I replied " You wouldn't care if I died." and i was really embarassed I said that even If I was drunk, so that fucked up my acting "normal", i.,e less anxious around him the rest of the weekend,. but im sure by next weekend it will have sunken in and be "kool" again.
I want to write poems so bad but I can't think of what to say or how to say it, its weird and the same thing happened around this time last year. Its always best in the spring/summer.
Ok im done, im doing something else now before the night is over...or moreover i just decide to go to bed because Im me.
I cant wait to go to Nh for Thanksgiving, and Xmas break. its gonna ROCK! ( like last year!) , and no I wasn;t drunk/buzzed for the entirety of it...just half.
Im happy I feel like im doing better at my job and one of the people I babysit, Elizabeth. The one I started with and was challenged with , wrote this story when I was gone that she made up about me, and read it she said that," I was a kareoke singer at a kareoke bar at 13, shes a rappe and a metalhead, she did art projects at 14, she has a boyfriend of 2 years, and they celebrated and ate scrod. and got pregnant "gah!", and had a baby-cousin ( she has an obsession/rituals with kids and dolls) and she was the grandmother, and at the the end she said "Kristina is "1, she plays, plays and plays with me, she's the greatest!" I thought it was soooo cute, it made me feel so good, espacially that she wrote it right after I left. Its hard to tell what people like that think about you, when the show it in words or on paper its great. I want to photocopy. Her sense of time, and creativity and ability to talk is so impressive. I guarantee the next think that has a negative effect on my self-esteem, like a bad test, someone that says something bad to me I will probably think back to reading that today. I find it so fascinating how autistic kids put sitautions that happen to people and things they see into stories, thats one thing I notice. Like with her she heard the song "Cocomo" song in my car and remembered that on her moms birthday dinner, she called it her Moms "Cocomo Party", after she heard she song. My jobs so interesting at times.
This job also gets my mind off shit that brings me down that I used to think of alot more when I worked in the Deli, even if it feels like alot now it was alot more then. I like Wednessays to because I work with this guy Adam who loves to talk and is really smart but funny about it, and listens to some of the same music as me like "Nightwish, Shadows Crux and Switchblade Symphony". I can be in the worst mood and he'll totally wash it away...and no im not devoloping another crush, fuck that, after the last two I no better then to "drown again", and sometimes the last one likes to creep up on me, alcohol doesn't help that. I got actually drunk, drunk on thursday( did the whole thirsty thursday thing!, since it was veterans day and no one had school friday!) as opposed to being buzzed/tipsy as I had been alot aside from Hollies party of course. I had goldschlauger "schluager". so of course I was drunk thursday and started pretty early, by 11 I was slurring and jogged one around the apartments " I needed to work out", those were both rareities for me. Minky showed up and could tell I was more drunk then usual, because he kept talking beers out of my hand. I got to the point where I "always needed more" He finally said "stop, your gonna kill yourself", he over-estimated that, I hadnt even puked yet. I replied " You wouldn't care if I died." and i was really embarassed I said that even If I was drunk, so that fucked up my acting "normal", i.,e less anxious around him the rest of the weekend,. but im sure by next weekend it will have sunken in and be "kool" again.
I want to write poems so bad but I can't think of what to say or how to say it, its weird and the same thing happened around this time last year. Its always best in the spring/summer.
Ok im done, im doing something else now before the night is over...or moreover i just decide to go to bed because Im me.
I cant wait to go to Nh for Thanksgiving, and Xmas break. its gonna ROCK! ( like last year!) , and no I wasn;t drunk/buzzed for the entirety of it...just half.